When my kids were little all three of them would come running from any room in the house to watch the ABC laundry soap commerical. Some wonderful man was comparing ABC soap to Tide, stating as he held up two very white shirts, one washed in Tide and one washed in ABC, that he did not see a difference, then he would ask, "Do you see a difference?" The answer, "Price, price is the difference." Now I have no idea why this commercial so fascinated Calvin, Tessa or Gordon, but they seriously raced to watch it. Then Tessa and Gordon in their funny little language would say, "I don't see a bifference, do you see a bifference. Price, price is the bifference." Calvin and I would both laugh and off they'd all go back to their play until it came on again. It was so cute.
Today's Question: "How does that relate to weight loss?"
Answer, I'm the same on the scale today, okay down a half pound but we don't count those so, the same. But I see a difference. I feel it in my clothes, see it in my face and I plain and simply feel lighter, and yet that scale is reminding me of the ABC laundry soap man stating that their is no difference, when I know there is. ABC laundry soap was not as good as Tide, however, it took a couple months of using it to figure that out. The results right after you used it were the same, it took time to reveal that the clothes were not coming out so white. And that is what I think the scale is doing, appearing the same but I know it's different and time will reveal that I am indeed lighter...not whiter...but lighter.
Exercise, did she or didn't she? Yes and no. I did not do a set routine, I did however chase, carry and follow Zayin around for the better part of the day. Exhausting and so much fun. Everytime I have that little cutie I lose weight, this time it was only a half pound, in the past it's been one. So I count that as exercise because by the end of the day we are both ready for bed. He's an expert at climbing stairs, I'm not. He keeps going, Grandma has to rest. Thank God for Grandpa and Christan, they helped.
I also want to say, to all my very encouraging friends, that price does not make the difference in this case, but your support and encouragment do. I am so blessed by your kind words, your input, thanks Shannon/Cynthia for the tips on exercise, thanks Christan for the flowers and note, thanks Gordon/Chantel and Tessa/Dave for teaching me, thanks Misty, Lana, Lucie, Kathy my niece, Keli, Scott, Joanna, and so many others for praying and encouraging me. I can't tell how much whiter and brighter you make me feel.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
My horse is lame and so am I.
Not all the time but sometimes. I'm wondering why this process is going so slow and found that the answer is me. I'm wanting more results but, like my lame horse, I'm dragging my leg. One foots is all the way in, fully committed, the other one, limping along behind. I'm not sure how Electric, my horse, got lame, I'm guessing he kicked at a horse and missed. He likes to be the boss in the field, once you make that choice you have to fight to stay on top. And that leads to...
Todays Question: "Why am I willing to be the submissive horse in the field of weight loss?"
Answer, my good leg is fully in, I listen to that leg and don't overeat, my back leg is the one that knows I need to combine exercise with eating less in order to see results. So drag, drag, drag. Do you know, I'm comfortable being lame? I hear this voice in my head everyday, you should exercise, just take a walk, dance around your house you like that, do some yoga it's easy for you, ride your stationary bike, or bounce on your rebounder. I hear it, I ignore it, I have a bad leg you know.
Could someone please tell me how to motivate myself to exercise. I know in a few months, when we move into our new place, I'll be moving. But should I make that my "new" excuse to do nothing until then? I know the answer is no. Now be aware, I have a daughter-in-law, Cynthia who owns a gym in Leduc, one of my daughters best friends Shannon, is more than willing to work with me, she is also a personal trainer, I have a lifetime membership to Spa Lady, and I have every piece of exercise equipment needed to successfully work out. So please know, for me, these facts are great, but I have zero desire to use any of my wonderful resources. I want to want to exercise, I want to love it like other people do. I don't.
And once again, I'm comparing myself to others and wishing I was them. Not healthy, not accepting that I am different and that's okay. So I'm beating myself up, not swinging my arms, that would be exercise, but bashing my brain with internal blows. I need to find something that will work for me, something that will give me exercise that I can enjoy. I'll be needed your prayers, at this point in my life that seems to be an impossible request.
Now this piece of the puzzle really complicates things, I love doing yoga, I love riding my bike outside, I enjoying dancing. Three forms of exercise I truly like, still can't motivate myself to do them. Why? Wish I had the answer. Right now as I lay comfortably in my bed I'm thinking just get up and do it, I felt the same way yesterday and the day before. I often go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow morning I'm doing my yoga." only to get up and make breakfast. Something always distracts me, let me rephrase that, I always allow something to distract me.
So since blogging my weight loss journey has helped me so much to stay committed I'm afraid I'm going to have to make the committment to exercise and blog about that as well. Maybe only a one comment line I'll call; "Did she or didn't she." I'll answer yes or no. That's it, okay maybe I'll let you know what I did as well. I want to hit the backspace button and erase everything I just wrote but I'm not going to. I now committ to let you know when I exercise or don't each and everyday. I realize that gives me permission to exercise or not...please remember...I'm lame.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
Todays Question: "Why am I willing to be the submissive horse in the field of weight loss?"
Answer, my good leg is fully in, I listen to that leg and don't overeat, my back leg is the one that knows I need to combine exercise with eating less in order to see results. So drag, drag, drag. Do you know, I'm comfortable being lame? I hear this voice in my head everyday, you should exercise, just take a walk, dance around your house you like that, do some yoga it's easy for you, ride your stationary bike, or bounce on your rebounder. I hear it, I ignore it, I have a bad leg you know.
Could someone please tell me how to motivate myself to exercise. I know in a few months, when we move into our new place, I'll be moving. But should I make that my "new" excuse to do nothing until then? I know the answer is no. Now be aware, I have a daughter-in-law, Cynthia who owns a gym in Leduc, one of my daughters best friends Shannon, is more than willing to work with me, she is also a personal trainer, I have a lifetime membership to Spa Lady, and I have every piece of exercise equipment needed to successfully work out. So please know, for me, these facts are great, but I have zero desire to use any of my wonderful resources. I want to want to exercise, I want to love it like other people do. I don't.
And once again, I'm comparing myself to others and wishing I was them. Not healthy, not accepting that I am different and that's okay. So I'm beating myself up, not swinging my arms, that would be exercise, but bashing my brain with internal blows. I need to find something that will work for me, something that will give me exercise that I can enjoy. I'll be needed your prayers, at this point in my life that seems to be an impossible request.
Now this piece of the puzzle really complicates things, I love doing yoga, I love riding my bike outside, I enjoying dancing. Three forms of exercise I truly like, still can't motivate myself to do them. Why? Wish I had the answer. Right now as I lay comfortably in my bed I'm thinking just get up and do it, I felt the same way yesterday and the day before. I often go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow morning I'm doing my yoga." only to get up and make breakfast. Something always distracts me, let me rephrase that, I always allow something to distract me.
So since blogging my weight loss journey has helped me so much to stay committed I'm afraid I'm going to have to make the committment to exercise and blog about that as well. Maybe only a one comment line I'll call; "Did she or didn't she." I'll answer yes or no. That's it, okay maybe I'll let you know what I did as well. I want to hit the backspace button and erase everything I just wrote but I'm not going to. I now committ to let you know when I exercise or don't each and everyday. I realize that gives me permission to exercise or not...please remember...I'm lame.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Adjusting
I've been home for six days now and I am finally starting to feel normal. My tummy, although growling often, is adjusting to less grease and fried food, back to more healthy choices. I didn't see a loss today but I stayed the same and after the wonderful dinner I had last night that is remarkable, to say the least. So it would seem that balance is being slowly restored.
The above paragraph is easy to read and was easy to write, I have to tell you that these last six days have been anything but easy. I have noticed that once you start to eat more it is very difficult to make the shift back to eating less. It is a daily struggle, but it is starting to get easier.
On Tuesday night I went with my beautiful son to a hockey game. I was smart and ate first to avoid all the junk. I was doing just fine until Gordon returned after the first period break with a bucket of popcorn. Oh the good Lord knows that popcorn is my weakness. Why...why not icecream, I can resist that. I decided to have some, since I ate such a light supper. I purposed to eat one kernal at a time, once in a while I got two. I could taste the salt, I was sure my body was already swelling and that I'd be up two pounds by morning if I kept eating, so I stopped. I aksed Gordon to move the popcorn over to the other side, he didn't get my logic. He said, "Exercise some self-control Mom."
Todays Question: "What the heck is self-control?"
Answer, not giving in I guess. So, I think I made two minutes and then my resolve to quit and my one to two kernels at a time, blasted right up to handfuls and face stuffing at a rate that makes Andretti look slow. I went head first into what I like to call the "blank eating zone". Yep, right after I'd made the decision I was done. Gordon happened to look over, perhaps he was trying to figure out why my arm that was against his was moving so fast. He gave me that, you've got to be kidding look and said something like, "Mom, you've gone from one at a time to handfuls." I deferred, "Get the popcorn away from me." I could see the confusion on his face. I knew he expected me to quit, and I did after one more handful. I explained that I'd need God's help to stop but I was struggling to make the commitment. I knew once I told God I wasn't having anymore I'd have to do it. He said, "I stopped doing that Mom, it doesn't work." I said, "It does for me but I have to mean it." I confessed to Gordon that I didn't want to ask God for help and then it was over, the popcorn no longer had me by the throat.
Not exactly the model for self-control am I? I'm coining the phrase "bez" blank eating zone. I'm going to stop giving myself permission to travel into that zone. I have to focus. I saw that popcorn coming and I knew I was going to give into it. I heard the words "self-control" and I lost it. Same old problem coming back to haunt me, I want to have what everyone else is having. I do not want to miss out. I so easily forget that I can have the popcorn, I mean seriously I proved that. I can eat whatever I want and I can eat as much as I want. No one can stop me. It is my choice. God help me to remember that I have chosen a path that yeilds results that are so much better for my overall well-being. I want to be healthy, I want to be free of this over-eating disorder. I want to be your servant and a slave to nothing. Why did a cardboard box of popcorn become my ruler? Because I surrendered to it, that's why. And that my friends needs to end.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
The above paragraph is easy to read and was easy to write, I have to tell you that these last six days have been anything but easy. I have noticed that once you start to eat more it is very difficult to make the shift back to eating less. It is a daily struggle, but it is starting to get easier.
On Tuesday night I went with my beautiful son to a hockey game. I was smart and ate first to avoid all the junk. I was doing just fine until Gordon returned after the first period break with a bucket of popcorn. Oh the good Lord knows that popcorn is my weakness. Why...why not icecream, I can resist that. I decided to have some, since I ate such a light supper. I purposed to eat one kernal at a time, once in a while I got two. I could taste the salt, I was sure my body was already swelling and that I'd be up two pounds by morning if I kept eating, so I stopped. I aksed Gordon to move the popcorn over to the other side, he didn't get my logic. He said, "Exercise some self-control Mom."
Todays Question: "What the heck is self-control?"
Answer, not giving in I guess. So, I think I made two minutes and then my resolve to quit and my one to two kernels at a time, blasted right up to handfuls and face stuffing at a rate that makes Andretti look slow. I went head first into what I like to call the "blank eating zone". Yep, right after I'd made the decision I was done. Gordon happened to look over, perhaps he was trying to figure out why my arm that was against his was moving so fast. He gave me that, you've got to be kidding look and said something like, "Mom, you've gone from one at a time to handfuls." I deferred, "Get the popcorn away from me." I could see the confusion on his face. I knew he expected me to quit, and I did after one more handful. I explained that I'd need God's help to stop but I was struggling to make the commitment. I knew once I told God I wasn't having anymore I'd have to do it. He said, "I stopped doing that Mom, it doesn't work." I said, "It does for me but I have to mean it." I confessed to Gordon that I didn't want to ask God for help and then it was over, the popcorn no longer had me by the throat.
Not exactly the model for self-control am I? I'm coining the phrase "bez" blank eating zone. I'm going to stop giving myself permission to travel into that zone. I have to focus. I saw that popcorn coming and I knew I was going to give into it. I heard the words "self-control" and I lost it. Same old problem coming back to haunt me, I want to have what everyone else is having. I do not want to miss out. I so easily forget that I can have the popcorn, I mean seriously I proved that. I can eat whatever I want and I can eat as much as I want. No one can stop me. It is my choice. God help me to remember that I have chosen a path that yeilds results that are so much better for my overall well-being. I want to be healthy, I want to be free of this over-eating disorder. I want to be your servant and a slave to nothing. Why did a cardboard box of popcorn become my ruler? Because I surrendered to it, that's why. And that my friends needs to end.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Struggling!
It's been one of those days where I'm struggling to find the motivaiton to write and I think I'm having what I like to call a "crash". I define that as a day when I hit the wall. Crash works for me because that's what it feels like. I'm lacking energy, zip, and that pizzaz stuff that for some reason reminds me of pizza. I love the english language, even when I kill it.
Todays Question: "How do you motivate yourself to take action?"
Answer, you just begin. I sit here ready to type my blog without motivation and I'm writing, things are flowing. Not sure where the flow will end but I started and I think that is the key to self-motivation. Doing what we know we need to do, even when we don't feel like doing it, that would be my definition. I really just want to put my head down and sleep. I really want to be fifty one pounds lighter without the work, I really want energy and I don't have it.
Sometimes I think what we all need is to take a load off and just sit, without guilt and without self condemnation. Relax and let our minds wander. Dare to dream, dare to think about what's really going on inside. I try to avoid that at all cost but today if I was honest, and that is my desire, I would tell you that I don't feel like blogging, I don't feel like cleaning my house, I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like doing anything. Why? I'm tired, pure and simple, nothing to complicated about that. I need to sit in my quiet house, in my comfy chair and just be still. It's good for my soul.
I am down a pound, that makes me very happy as I'm seeing the weight from Africa come off quickly. Thank God. I have to tell you I'm way too tired to rejoice over that with any enthusiasm, I am happy but I can't even stand the thought of bouncing off the walls right now. I think I want everyone to know that it's okay to be tired. I think we all need to embrace our own inabilities and realize that we are human and we need rest. So I'm not going to stop blogging, I will do what I have committed to do. But, I don't have to pretend it's always easy just to impress someone. I can just say, today I was "almost" too tired to blog.
I love getting older, it truly does make you wiser, at least smart enough to know when enough is enough and it's time to rest.
Be blessed with a wonderful and "restful" day.
Todays Question: "How do you motivate yourself to take action?"
Answer, you just begin. I sit here ready to type my blog without motivation and I'm writing, things are flowing. Not sure where the flow will end but I started and I think that is the key to self-motivation. Doing what we know we need to do, even when we don't feel like doing it, that would be my definition. I really just want to put my head down and sleep. I really want to be fifty one pounds lighter without the work, I really want energy and I don't have it.
Sometimes I think what we all need is to take a load off and just sit, without guilt and without self condemnation. Relax and let our minds wander. Dare to dream, dare to think about what's really going on inside. I try to avoid that at all cost but today if I was honest, and that is my desire, I would tell you that I don't feel like blogging, I don't feel like cleaning my house, I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like doing anything. Why? I'm tired, pure and simple, nothing to complicated about that. I need to sit in my quiet house, in my comfy chair and just be still. It's good for my soul.
I am down a pound, that makes me very happy as I'm seeing the weight from Africa come off quickly. Thank God. I have to tell you I'm way too tired to rejoice over that with any enthusiasm, I am happy but I can't even stand the thought of bouncing off the walls right now. I think I want everyone to know that it's okay to be tired. I think we all need to embrace our own inabilities and realize that we are human and we need rest. So I'm not going to stop blogging, I will do what I have committed to do. But, I don't have to pretend it's always easy just to impress someone. I can just say, today I was "almost" too tired to blog.
I love getting older, it truly does make you wiser, at least smart enough to know when enough is enough and it's time to rest.
Be blessed with a wonderful and "restful" day.
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