Your Comments.

This morning I want to say thank you to all you wonderful people who read my blog.  I am so blessed by your comments and encouragment.  I want you to know that I'm not in love with writing about every stupid thing I do, I especially don't enjoy the ups and downs I've had since starting this process...regarding the weight and a host of others things.  You know, like moods and foods, gripes and grabbles, mistakes and mess-ups, typos and hippos...it was enough of the same first letter words.  :)

Todays Question:  "Do you know how much your support helps me to keep looking at myself honestly?"

You may not know this but my two faces appeared this morning, one is saying a warm and fuzzy; "Thank you for helping me."  The other wants to yell and grimace; "THANKS ALOT!"  You make me accountable and that is something I need and like, face two, none of your business and leave me alone.  Face two knows face one is to blame.  Did I mention before that I have dual personalities.  It's true, skinny Jenny tells herself she can eat and do whatever she wants.  I like her.  Fat Jenny keeps reminding her of her fat and tells her she needs to starve, for about six months.  I don't like her. So you see my battle, skinny Jenny is dillusional but I still favor her.  No one would lie if it didn't benefit them in some way.  Not good but true.

Don't you think it's funny that skinny Jenny controls me.  I like it when she tells me I'm not that fat, I look good.  I'm especially fond of this one, you are no where near as fat as most of the people in the world.  She exaggerates too.  Has your skinny version of you every said this?  "You need salt and vinegar potatoe chips and you should get some.  You don't have to eat them all."  Mine did, yesterday.  She lied to me so well that I bought them.  I even told my pretty friend Christan that I planned that and I did, but I was deceived right up until this morning when the truth hit.  I wanted chips and gave in.  I also convinced myself that because they were baked chips it was better.  Baked chips are better but I just ate lunch, I didn't need to eat anything else.  Know why I wanted chips?  Fat Jenny had salad and shrimp for lunch.  Skinny Jenny wanted to eat more bread and get a snack for the salad sacrifice she "thought" she'd made.  Oh it's not easy writing from the two sides of my face.

I'm now blending the two, they are driving me crazy apart.  I'm both people, I want to be slimmer and healthier, I need to be honest with myself and put both my faces forward.  Underneath this fat is a better frame of mind, a place where I don't have to fight with myself and be two-faced.  I beat myself up often for being a control freak, I'm need to embrace that part of me as well.  I'm the only person who can control what I eat, I've proven that.  I don't have to control anyone but myself, my problem with control usually has more to do with wanting others to do what I want.  I'm a work in progress and this blog has helped me to see just how much work I need to do. 

Your comments and your faithfulness to read my ramblings help me face the facts, be honest and press on.  I am so blessed by that, me and all my imaginary friends.  You truly inspire me to succeed and I pray you are comforted and guided to overcome in your areas of struggle.  God is faithful and so many of you remind me of Him.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Hotel Happiness

I love it when Gord gets a last minute call to be in Calgary, it translates into one beautiful night at the Hyatt and a relaxing night and morning for me.  The six hours of traveling are worth it.  It's an all expenses paid mini vacation and it was just what I needed.  I can't weigh in this morning, may be one more reason I'm loving it.  I exercised, sauna for sweating off pounds, swam so I could call it exercise and then hot tub to relax those tired muscles.  Ok I didn't sweat anywhere except in the sauna.  I'm on vacation, seriously.  :)

Gord brought me breakfast in bed and I'm happy to report I only ate a few bites of his choices for me.  I asked for a banana an orange and a bran muffin.  I got a muffin, only liked the crusted top, a crossiant, had a couple bites don't need the fat, and an orange.  So instead of doing what I always do, that would be scarfing down every last bit so I don't waste, I just had a couple bites to avoid the hungry, which can lead to panic.  I'm throwing out everything but the orange which I'll keep for the trip home.  I'll go get my own healthy breakfast when I feel like climbing out of this comfy bed.  Could be lunch time before that happens, or not, I have to go sauna and swim for this mornings exercise.  I'm actually looking forward to that.  Perhaps one of you should call a Dr., I may need my head examined.

I have been surprised by how good those two pounds I lost yesterday made me feel.  I didn't notice any difference in any other way besides my mental state of mind.  It was truly a gift that I needed, that little bit of encouragement to show me that I can do this if I will just be patient with myself and not throw in that towel.  I really don't like throwing towels since I have to wash them, may be one more reason I like hotels, don't have to wash the towels I dirty.  Life is good.

I pray today, in any area you feel like quitting, that God would do something wonderful for you to remind you that He is always willing to help you, in His perfect timing, if you persevere.  He will answer your prayers.  I am discovering that I need to heal more than I need to lose weight.  I have got to learn to love every part of who I am and to know that ,with God's help, I can change the parts I don't like.  The good news is that He loves me so wonderfully and so unconditionally.  Now I need learn to love myself so unconditionally. 

Be blessed with a Wonderful day.

Suspicious Mind

I have no explanation for this one and I'm very suspicious of the "why" factor.  I'm two pounds lighter and I'm closer to three than two, but like I've said before I only count full pounds.  I wish I knew why this happened and how so I could tell you something wonderful I discovered.  Unfortunately I'm as baffled as can be.  I'm happy just puzzled.

Todays Question:  "Is it possible that I've been at one of those plateaus people talk about?"

I mean is it ridiculous to think that my plateau point was ten pounds, I sure hope that is not true.  It does however sound like something my fat hugging body would do.  I mean why plateau at a thirty pound loss when it's way quicker to stop at ten.  The good news is they say, those they sayers, that plateaus end and then your body finds a new one.  I hope I can put it off for a little longer this time. 

I feel a bit like I've climbed a mountain with all this plateau talk, I can assure I have not moved from my chair.  Well I had breakfast and lunch, always more than willing to make the trek to the fridge you know.  :)

I'm very happy and I feel like a got a little bonus gift on this 3rd day of February.  It's my baby Calvins birthday today, he is one of three of the best gifts I've ever gotten, I'm sure he is celebrating his 28th in heaven.  I think the little angel may have sent his mom something he knew she'd like on his birthday,  a little less fat to lighten my load. 

God bless you all with something Wonderful Today.

Directions Please

I didn't get lost or need directions, I am looking for God to direct my steps and lead me to where He would have me go.  This journey is slow and I know that's good because so many of you have told me that when it comes to weight loss slow is best.  Boy have I mastered slow.  I'm still down ten pounds and that is good, but at this rate it will be thirty pounds down by September of 2010 and fifty one by March of 2011, I hope you guys have that much time and I don't run out of patience.  Remember I'm short on that stuff.

Todays Questions:  "Do you like instant results like I do?"

I'm sure a microwave kinda girl when it comes to waiting for things.  I hardly ever use my microwave but it's sure nice to have it when I need it.  It's remarkable to think about how many things in our lives don't come quickly.  Good relationships develop over time, children grow and become your best friends because good parents sow seeds and wait to yield the harvest, gently plucking weeds and redirecting works best.  I have wonderful friends in my life, all a result of both parties investing in each other lives, up and downs, over time.  Bank accounts build over time, mortgages are paid over time.  Random question;  "Why do they spell mortgages with that "t", I mean really I want to read it "mort" "gages".  What's a mort?  Every truly wonderful thing in life develops over time and I want this body makeover to happen now.  Silly me.

It's not very reasonable of me to think that I can quickly change what it has taken me years to build.  I mean I didn't get to be fifty one pounds heavier overnight.  It actaully took me years to pack this fat on.  I find that funny since I can gain five pounds in one long weekend, sad but true.  I can still remember having twenty pounds to lose in my twenties, thirty pounds to lose in my thirties and fourty pounds to lose in my forties and fifty pounds to lose...oh for goodness sake...it's a pattern.  Good thing I stopped the bus.

I think our wonderful human nature runs contrary to what God wants for us and I'm sure glad that God does not run out of patience like I do.  Even my relationship with Him has grown over time, I am often baffled by how much love can grow.  I couldn't have imagined loving Him more, my children more, my husband more, my friends more and yet my love for all the significant people in my life continues to grow.  Just wait until you have grandkids, huge growing field of love.  I have got to learn that time always lies ahead of me and I will never run out of it, thanks to Jesus I'm an eternal being.  That does not mean that I have to listen to my brain, it said I can wait for heaven to be perfected and eat what I want now, sounds just like me.  I don't know how much time I have on earth but I do know I want to be active and moving and not an eighty year old who needs to lose eighty one pounds.  Oh my gosh, could you stand reading this blog for that long?  I sure couldn't so I'm chaning now...when I say now I mean, one day at a time with Gods help and direction. 

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day