Flying Again

This morning I leave for Chilliwack via Abbotsford and although I love the fact that I'll be there in an hour, I'm not to excited about the flying.  Not at all because I'm afraid to fly, I just really dont' want my body to swell up again and flying is the worst for that.  If you have any tips for how not to have your legs swell I'd appreciate them.  I already know to drink lots of water and get up and move around as much as possible.  I'm looking for a miracle cure here people. 

Todays Question:  "Do you love going places but seriously dislike the journey?"

I do and I'm beginning to see how that spills over into so many aspects of my life.  I love to see new places, like Africa, Holland, Egypt, the Ukraine etc.  I've been so blessed to have travelled so much, did I mention Paris and London, for goodness sake Lucie how'd I forget to mention those.  Most of you know I run a Missionary Organization and part of my job description is traveling to see the works our missionaries do.  It has been amazing to see how God moves all around the world.  Okay, I've hardly been a quarter of the way around the world.  My point is; I love to see the places and I HATE the travel.  Not about fear but all about discomfort.  I always swell, I always feel trapped and I always want to yell screaming out the door of the plane after a few hours.  I'm way better on the short trips but those 36 hour flights make me want to hurt someone or something.  I have had to self-talk myself into a more relaxed state on many flights.  Plans to take over the plane and land it on a mountain have formed, I told you...I get crazy.  Thankfully I get to plan when I see our missionaries so I give myself a few years between big trips. 

I want you to know that many of those trips have been hard, the work and the need is great, the finances are usually not.  I can't tell you how blessed we are to be Canadians and to live in a place where we are protected, cared for and fed.  Our expectations are high and trips to third world countries have taught me to be very grateful.  I got side-tracked again didn't I?  I really need to focus this morning, my mind is racing.  I need to and will endeavour to start enjoying the journey fully, not just in part.  I keep learning the same lessons and the application of those lessons is the problem.  Patience is the one word that has comes up the most as I work to make the necessary changes to obtain a healthier and more fit body.  It would appear that the reason I don't like to travel is because it takes too long.  I like arriving....and that my freinds is my problem.  Skinny Jenny Non-Fat 110 Degrees of Hotness French Vanilla Soy Milk Latte please.  Oh...and do not keep me waiting thank you very much. I WANT IT NOW!

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Pants I Couldn't Wear

Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to do up the last two buttons on since I stole them from my husband years ago.  I know thou shalt not steal but he does not like button fly so yoink, mine now.  I love everything about those jeans especially that they are his.  Now I like them even more because I don't have to tuck those last two buttons in when I wear them with a baggier shirt.  You would be surprised by the things those of us who struggle with weight do to look decent. 

Todays Question:  "Do you feel fatter when you change sizes or wear things you haven't been able to wear for years?"

I do.  I was driving home from supper out last night and I felt very uncomfortable in those newly done up jeans.  I had a salad for dinner not a pound of pasta so I knew it wasn't about what I ate.  I realized as I drove, wanting to undo that top button, that changing sizes was the problem.  Now that I can do up all these old jeans, I couldn't bring the buttons or the zippers together on before, I'm feeling fatter.  I'm obviously not fatter but I was surprised that I felt fatter.  I was thinking that I should just stay in those loose comfortable jeans that are baggy in the butt and the gut.  I feel so much slimer in those now.  No circulation issues, as in I cut it off.  No roll that has shrunk but now looks bigger in tighter jeans.  What is up with those pants I couldn't wear?  I couldn't wait to fit into them before I was 14 pounds lighter.  Now I'm in them and they make me feel fat. 

Once again the complex nature of the female mind baffles me.  I wonder if a person of the female gender ever feels completely fabulous for an entire day about how she looks and feels.  I tell you ladies I would love to stand in a mirror with my pot belly stickin out and tell my significant other how hot I am.  I know men who do that.  No matter how big they get or what kind of shape they are in so many men, not all, are able to see themselves in a way that only they can.  It is weird and yes...I am jealous.  They seem to have missed that whole I'm so fat and yucky gene. 

I am happy that I can wear jeans I haven't worn in a long time, sizes I haven't visited for years and shirts that begged me not to wear them in the past for fear of ripping.  I'm glad that I feel better in all my clothes, even my coats are more comfortable.  I also missed the gene that blames the dryer for shrinking jeans and shirts that have been washed a hundred times, that's my husband favorite reason for tight clothes.  Men are so delusional at times.  I truly love that about them.

I'm learning from the slow nature of this journey to drop fifty one pounds that I have never been happy with my body, even when I was my skinniest.  I've had moments when I've felt really good about how slim I was and then someone or something reminded me I could still lose more.  That translates into the message that is in so many of our heads, we could always look better.  What a stupid message.  I plan to change the message in my head one day at a time, I will to accept that I look good regardless of what others, including myself, think.  Not because I'm flawless but because I'm human, not perfect but loved without condition.  If God loves me so much, and He does, why shouldn't I?

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Tessa Was Right - Blasted Edema

Oh I'm so happy to report that my daughter is brilliant, I knew she was but because it had to do with my weight I was doubtful.  So sorry pretty girl.  I am down fourteen pounds once again and apparentley we will not be weighing in after vacations for a least one water filled day...when I say we...I mean me.  Please note this is a new rule.

Todays Question:  "Do you like it as much as I do when you see the results you worked hard for?"

Yes indeed.  That's my answer.  I'm doing this to see results and to drop fifty one pounds, eat better, feel better and be healthier.  I have a plan, a method of attack, a goal and most of the time it feels good to be taking action.  On those days when it does not feel so good, the methods are failing and the fat lady is in no mood to sing, I'll press on. 

For those of you who remember my first post, the one about me wondering who the fat lady was in the mirror image, in bed with my husband, I was once again face to face with that lady and I have to say that she's starting to look a little more like me.  I may not have dramatic numbers to report but I am seeing changes and I'm so glad for that.  My reflection did not scare the beejeebers out of me this weekend and I was pleasantly surprised shopping for clothes, I can now wear shirts that don't have the letter X on the tag.  I suppose if my name was Malcolm I wouldn't mind that, since it's not I find it kinda of offensive.  I mean does 1X really sound better than 18?  Ooops my bad, it does.  Good thing I'm not in marketing.

So, it's a new day and although the fog is present outside it has cleared from my mind.  I truly can..."do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Yesterday's water retention has taught me that I don't have to eat when things don't go as planned.  In fact, I hope your sitting because this is shocking, not jumping into a bag of potato chips to drown my sorrows was so much better.  I faced the problem head on, grabbed my water bottle and ate sensibly like I had been all weekend.  It would appear that my water gain added something other than weight...some wisdom...I find I always need that.

Be blessed with a  Wonderful Day.

I Won't Scream

It's taking a lot of effort to post since stepping on the scale this morning.  (Putting computer down....I'm back.)  I had to go weigh and see if it changed in the 10 minutes since I stepped on it last.  I'm sad to say it didn't and I add to my sadness irritation and a little agitation.  I had the first successful long weekend in the history of my life, with regards to how I ate.  I did not eat way too much, over-indulge because it was Valentines Day, or sit on my butt all weekend.  I have gained three pounds and I cannot figure out why...so...I'm going to listen to my daughter, who told me last time I gained weight after a long weekend away, that it was my edema that caused the gain.  I understood gaining weight after that weeekend...trust me.  This one however is a whole different story.  Maybe the hours of sitting and that salty little bag of pretzels...done me in.  I'm going to test Tessa's theory and see if this weight is off by tomorrow...if it's not I'm going to throw something and then I'm going to scream. 

Todays Question:  "Are you okay with getting what you don't deserve?"

I'm not.  I know that life brings alot of things we don't deserve but sometimes when I've done the work, made the effort and good choices, I expect results.  Good ones.  Silly me.  I'm going to try to stay positive because I surprised myself this long weekend and I haven't done that in a while.  I learned that I can control myself.  I also learned that just because it's a holiday does not mean I vacate the premises that is my mind.  I stayed focused this weekend, asked God for help and I got it.  Did not buy stupid things, did not go to the Invermere bakery and eat a half dozen Snickerdoodle cookies.  For Valentines Day I had a small dipped cone and two sours.  Those were my treats and I ate them happily and never felt stuffed or over fed once.  Remarkable isn't it.  I also managed to get some exercise thanks to Tessa and her Wii Dance Party.  A person should play that game once a day, being in shape would not be a issue. 

So...the old me would now eat like a piggy to teach my body a lesson.  The new me is going to see what tomorrow brings forth.  I'll wait and see if my legs have once again retained fluid, wait and see if a good day of lots of liguids, in the water form, flushes my system and puts me back to my 14 pounds lighter weight.  I am not going to react to this news, I'm going to wait.  I'll probably weigh ten times from now until tomorrow, I can be a little obsessive, but climbing the stairs is good exercise so it works.

Here is to tomorrows weigh in....just drank half a bottle of water.  I'm celebrating how well I did this weekend in spite of that stupid scale. 

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.