I find myself lacking a very necessary motivator...energy! I'm tired when I go to bed and tired when I wake up. I make myself do what must be done but find I'm leaving some things undone, which is so not me. For example; the day before yesterday I left my kitchen messy, dishes on the counter, dishwasher unloaded, and countertops with junk on them. I also went to bed with an untidy living room, dare I say it, I didn't even take the cups from the end table to the kitchen, or put my pillows and cushions in order. Something is seriously wrong with me people, I don't like messes. Please know I got up the next morning and fixed every problem quickly and effiiciently, I just cannot beleive I left a mess. Shocking, for those of you who know me well don't panic, I'm sure I'll be okay. I'm thinking maybe I'm reacting to all the melting snow, apparently it is a bad time for people who have weird allergies.
Todays Question: "How do you snap yourself out of a no energy state?"
I hope your answer isn't exercise because I did that and I'm still sore. I will continue to because it takes time I know to get back in shape, I've decided I found the new definition for the term being in shape. To me it means; whatever form your body has taken on at any given time. Even rolls have shape you work out experts. :)
I think that maybe the last week of sleeping, sitting, reclining and waiting, having my breakfasts made for me, and doing very little other than watching the olympics, did not leave me with much energy when I got home. I felt very relaxed and well rested when I got back, now I've been home for almost a week and I'm way too tired. I may need to let my husband know that his surgery is going to cost him, I need a maid, a chef, a room with a tv in it and days where my only requirement is to visit him from 2-4pm and 7-9pm. And if he could arrange it I'd like the Olympics to last longer, that is the only time I truly enjoy watching sports. Maybe someone could explain that weird phenomenom to me.
The good news is that in spite of this energy drain I'm not looking to my normal solution and that has surprised me. I am not feeding, grazing, munching or snack attacking this problem. In the past my answer to every problem was food. No energy, eat chocolate, have sugar. No strength, you are lacking carbs, try toast, pasta, mashed potatoes, etc. Sad, ice-cream. Happy, no restrictions eat what you want, it's a celebration. Every occasion gave me a reason to eat. You know the expression, "feed a fever starve a cold" I always mixed them up, so, I fed both. I really don't like the word starve. I am very happy I've stopped feeding every emotion, it is another big change for me.
I have gained a pound and for reasons I cannot explain I'm am still swollen. I'm going to try drinking a bunch of water and some teas. My body is obviously in slow motion, maybe it's trying to tell me something. SLOW DOWN!!!! I should learn to listen.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Those Inward Looks
Todays Question: "Why is it that looking inside is so much harder than looking outside?"
I would like there to be some tangible, fixable outside reason for my slow and pokey progress. I weighed this morning and I'm up two pounds, I'm not suprised or annoyed, I'm still swollen as my fingers, toes, legs, lets just admit it, enitre body feels like a sore and bloated version of the Michelin tire man. If you wonder why I put sore in there it's because I exercised for half an hour the day before yesterday on the exercise ball. Those stomach muscles felt so strong at the time, now I sit up and am sure I'm going to rip something open. Ouch!!! I am happy to find out that under my fat there are still some muscles....good news indeed.
I have got to do some looking inside/outside for the evidence of change that HAS taken place in my life. So, what has changed inside, I'm no longer using food to over medicate my feelings. I said "over" because sometimes I do still want food for comfort. As in chocolate almonds while Gord was in the hosptial. Big difference 4 one day 6 the next. In the past, big bag no point in counting them just eat them all. Outside evidence, I have gone from a six 16 pant loose and comfy, to a size 12 pant not baggy but not the least bit uncomfortable. I find the smallest size at the fat lady store too big. so I no longer shop there. Yay! I notice my face is not as fat, let me just say I see more wrinkles, I'm going to believe it has nothing to do with fat pushing them out. Oh dear. Inside, happier because I feel more in control of my life, not only regarding food choices but also learning to make decisions about what I will and won't do based on how I"m feeling. I've made way too many decisions in the past based on other peoples needs. I'm not going to stop being a person who gives and helps others, I just need to know I'm in a place at that moment to give it. If I'm not...I don't do it. Huge change inside/outside for me.
I could go on but I think I have reminded myself that I am going forward whether the scale goes up or down. Either way my life is changing and I'm taking it one day at a time just like God says. "Each day is sufficient enough for itself." I love that.
I know that 12 pounds may not seem like a large amount of weight, but...I've kept myself from gaining weight and quitting. That is no small feet for me. A weight gain has always meant a surrender. I don't have a white flag anymore and I'm not waving it, physically or mentally. I am as committed to this process as I am to every other important person and work in my life. It must be done for the good of this 51 year old body and the quality of life I plan to enjoy. I continue to need Gods help, the encouragment I get from so many of you and the support I get from my family, watching my husband overeat really helps me. ;)
I am going to learn to do these little outside/inside, could also be called emotional/physical checks from time to time. What I have always needed in my life is balance. The funny thing about balance is you can be so great at it in one area and so bad at it in another. I'm working on it and that is the best thing I can do for myself and the best thing you can do for yourself. Never give up.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.
I would like there to be some tangible, fixable outside reason for my slow and pokey progress. I weighed this morning and I'm up two pounds, I'm not suprised or annoyed, I'm still swollen as my fingers, toes, legs, lets just admit it, enitre body feels like a sore and bloated version of the Michelin tire man. If you wonder why I put sore in there it's because I exercised for half an hour the day before yesterday on the exercise ball. Those stomach muscles felt so strong at the time, now I sit up and am sure I'm going to rip something open. Ouch!!! I am happy to find out that under my fat there are still some muscles....good news indeed.
I have got to do some looking inside/outside for the evidence of change that HAS taken place in my life. So, what has changed inside, I'm no longer using food to over medicate my feelings. I said "over" because sometimes I do still want food for comfort. As in chocolate almonds while Gord was in the hosptial. Big difference 4 one day 6 the next. In the past, big bag no point in counting them just eat them all. Outside evidence, I have gone from a six 16 pant loose and comfy, to a size 12 pant not baggy but not the least bit uncomfortable. I find the smallest size at the fat lady store too big. so I no longer shop there. Yay! I notice my face is not as fat, let me just say I see more wrinkles, I'm going to believe it has nothing to do with fat pushing them out. Oh dear. Inside, happier because I feel more in control of my life, not only regarding food choices but also learning to make decisions about what I will and won't do based on how I"m feeling. I've made way too many decisions in the past based on other peoples needs. I'm not going to stop being a person who gives and helps others, I just need to know I'm in a place at that moment to give it. If I'm not...I don't do it. Huge change inside/outside for me.
I could go on but I think I have reminded myself that I am going forward whether the scale goes up or down. Either way my life is changing and I'm taking it one day at a time just like God says. "Each day is sufficient enough for itself." I love that.
I know that 12 pounds may not seem like a large amount of weight, but...I've kept myself from gaining weight and quitting. That is no small feet for me. A weight gain has always meant a surrender. I don't have a white flag anymore and I'm not waving it, physically or mentally. I am as committed to this process as I am to every other important person and work in my life. It must be done for the good of this 51 year old body and the quality of life I plan to enjoy. I continue to need Gods help, the encouragment I get from so many of you and the support I get from my family, watching my husband overeat really helps me. ;)
I am going to learn to do these little outside/inside, could also be called emotional/physical checks from time to time. What I have always needed in my life is balance. The funny thing about balance is you can be so great at it in one area and so bad at it in another. I'm working on it and that is the best thing I can do for myself and the best thing you can do for yourself. Never give up.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Does March Equal Spring?
I sure hope it does. I'm so loving this beautiful weather. I was in Toronto for a week and the sun did not shine once, I'm sure it was under those clouds but I couldn't see it. I was reminded of how much I missed the sunshine when the plane broke through the clouds on our way home and I was warmed to the point where this menopausal women had to shut that window. Good thing we were in the extra leg room bulk head seats, two windows, I did not shut the second one. It is amazing to me how remarkably different it is above the clouds.
Todays Question: "Do you ever forget that regardless of what you see the sun is shining?"
I do. I find this morning that the expression, "She has her head in the clouds.", is a good thing. I think "she" is trying to remember that the sun is still shining no matter what people or circumstances are telling her. Last week it was gray and so many things were outside of my control, you should all know by now that I do not like feeling like I'm out of control. I know in life there is very little that you can control other than yourself. Just because I know that does not mean I don't fight it. I'm home now and still have to remind myself that it's all over, the surgery is done, Gord is fine just relax. Funny how you don't realize how concerened you are until after it's over. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that.
I have to tell you that I was very surprised by the sun when the plane broke through the thick clouds. I instantly nudged Gord and said, "Look honey, the sunshine." It was like we'd never seen it before. We both looked out the window amazed. I'm telling you Gord was reading, it's hard to get him to look up from his book, trust me. It was one of those moments that just can't be explained. I'm sure if you asked my husband if he felt everything I did he say something like, "Yep, the sun was shining, nice." I have learned that moments mean one thing to one person and something completely different to another. It's all good. Sunday morning Gord was outside saying what a beautiful day it was, -4, I said honey it's because the sun is shining, did it shine once while we were in Toronto, it was more of a statement than a question, his response was a resounding no. I assured him the temperatures were warmer but they didn't feel like it because the sky was always gray. Funny how you don't always know how much you miss something until you get it back.
I pray that today you'd remember that above the clouds that are your struggles, your trials and your tribulations, the sun is shining. You may feel out of control like I do often, you may even feel like giving up, please press on. God set the sun in the sky to remind us of His great power and ability to take the worst of days and turn them into something beautiful. He will never force you to see the beauty that is behind your clouds, He wants you to remember what you know to be true in spite of those clouds. God cannot help but shine, His glory is endless and so is His love for you. Look up today and be amazed by what you cannot see with your eyes but know in your heart.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.
Todays Question: "Do you ever forget that regardless of what you see the sun is shining?"
I do. I find this morning that the expression, "She has her head in the clouds.", is a good thing. I think "she" is trying to remember that the sun is still shining no matter what people or circumstances are telling her. Last week it was gray and so many things were outside of my control, you should all know by now that I do not like feeling like I'm out of control. I know in life there is very little that you can control other than yourself. Just because I know that does not mean I don't fight it. I'm home now and still have to remind myself that it's all over, the surgery is done, Gord is fine just relax. Funny how you don't realize how concerened you are until after it's over. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that.
I have to tell you that I was very surprised by the sun when the plane broke through the thick clouds. I instantly nudged Gord and said, "Look honey, the sunshine." It was like we'd never seen it before. We both looked out the window amazed. I'm telling you Gord was reading, it's hard to get him to look up from his book, trust me. It was one of those moments that just can't be explained. I'm sure if you asked my husband if he felt everything I did he say something like, "Yep, the sun was shining, nice." I have learned that moments mean one thing to one person and something completely different to another. It's all good. Sunday morning Gord was outside saying what a beautiful day it was, -4, I said honey it's because the sun is shining, did it shine once while we were in Toronto, it was more of a statement than a question, his response was a resounding no. I assured him the temperatures were warmer but they didn't feel like it because the sky was always gray. Funny how you don't always know how much you miss something until you get it back.
I pray that today you'd remember that above the clouds that are your struggles, your trials and your tribulations, the sun is shining. You may feel out of control like I do often, you may even feel like giving up, please press on. God set the sun in the sky to remind us of His great power and ability to take the worst of days and turn them into something beautiful. He will never force you to see the beauty that is behind your clouds, He wants you to remember what you know to be true in spite of those clouds. God cannot help but shine, His glory is endless and so is His love for you. Look up today and be amazed by what you cannot see with your eyes but know in your heart.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Proudly Canadian
I have not written since Thursday, the day Gord got out of the hospital. Been a little too busy with traveling home, entertaining the patient, and dealing with changes to flights etc. It's good to be home and back to normal. I should add to my list of reasons why I hadn't blog my serious addiction to the Olympic games. Such good television and this Country is amazing, not just because we are the world record holders for Golds, but because we have such genuine, dedicated and humble atheletes. And the beauty of the Country...well...second to none in my opinion. I have always been and will always be...proudly Canadian.
I am not posting my weight for a couple of days, giving my swelling body time to dispense of all the fluids I so love to retain while flying or driving. I made this decision after a five pound gain from my last trip and I'm sticking to it.
The trip went well in every way and although I did indulge in an almost daily ritual of chocolate to comfort myself, I didn't buy the one pound bags, I bought a few and enjoyed each one. I'm proud to say without guilt. I just seemed to need that little bit of what I call... it will be okay chocolate. Once Gord was released, on Thursday, a day early, I was done with the chocolate almonds. And yes, I did pass by Purdy's when we went to the mall. Such control. (No comments please.)
Todays Question: "Do you think there are worse things in life than needing a few chocolate almond clusters to comfort yourself while you comfort others?"
I do, I didn't take Valium, although the man in the bed beside Gord kept saying he needed more Valium. I gently explained to him that it was morphine he was looking for, Valium isn't that effective on hernias. He laughed and said he could use something to help his mental state. He was a nice man. I also avoided stiff drinks, I did think about it once or twice but since I fall asleep if I have a weak drink, who would drive me home? I know I'm not the one who had surgery but honestly, I'd have preferred it was me. I think most moms, wives and grandmas, would change places with their sick babies, no matter the age, without hesitation. I've had three major surgeries and I didn't need chocolate to feel comforted for one of them. My loved ones get sick and I need something, I am grateful that the things I reach for are edible. I can tell you my friends if I didn't have God to strengthen me when it comes to the people I love suffering there would not be enough chocolate in the world to settle me.
I'm am a very grateful girl this morning. I have wonderful people in my life, a beautiful family, amazing friends and more blessings than can be counted. My husband and I are both so thankful for your prayers. He is recovering remarkably, off to work at 5:30am with only the occasional ouch. We had a wonderful place to stay, the Olympics to keep our minds off the surgery, and great Dr.'s who let Gord out a day early so I could take him shopping. He was even happy to come. Turns out shopping is better than staying in the hospital. We are home safe and sound and Gord carried the suitcases in, I wouldn't let him carry them out. It's been hard for my independant do it yourself man to let me do all the lifting, please note I didn't really enjoy the role of lifter, but I did it to keep him from bursting that hernia happily. I told him I would carry the suitcases in when we got home and he quoted the Dr., "You are as good as you are going to get and nothing you can do is going to hurt your hernia." So I said, "Fine." Dave our wonderful son-in-law carried them upstairs to our room whether Gord liked it or not. He's fabulous like that.
So, it is back to normal and the thing I like about normal is it's subject to change. Some of those changes are easier to deal with than others but I assure you, God is more than willing to give you everything you need to adjust to those changes. That is so remarkable, add to that the fact that He loves us enough to go ahead and prepare the way and it makes a person wonder why they spend a moment worrying.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day
I am not posting my weight for a couple of days, giving my swelling body time to dispense of all the fluids I so love to retain while flying or driving. I made this decision after a five pound gain from my last trip and I'm sticking to it.
The trip went well in every way and although I did indulge in an almost daily ritual of chocolate to comfort myself, I didn't buy the one pound bags, I bought a few and enjoyed each one. I'm proud to say without guilt. I just seemed to need that little bit of what I call... it will be okay chocolate. Once Gord was released, on Thursday, a day early, I was done with the chocolate almonds. And yes, I did pass by Purdy's when we went to the mall. Such control. (No comments please.)
Todays Question: "Do you think there are worse things in life than needing a few chocolate almond clusters to comfort yourself while you comfort others?"
I do, I didn't take Valium, although the man in the bed beside Gord kept saying he needed more Valium. I gently explained to him that it was morphine he was looking for, Valium isn't that effective on hernias. He laughed and said he could use something to help his mental state. He was a nice man. I also avoided stiff drinks, I did think about it once or twice but since I fall asleep if I have a weak drink, who would drive me home? I know I'm not the one who had surgery but honestly, I'd have preferred it was me. I think most moms, wives and grandmas, would change places with their sick babies, no matter the age, without hesitation. I've had three major surgeries and I didn't need chocolate to feel comforted for one of them. My loved ones get sick and I need something, I am grateful that the things I reach for are edible. I can tell you my friends if I didn't have God to strengthen me when it comes to the people I love suffering there would not be enough chocolate in the world to settle me.
I'm am a very grateful girl this morning. I have wonderful people in my life, a beautiful family, amazing friends and more blessings than can be counted. My husband and I are both so thankful for your prayers. He is recovering remarkably, off to work at 5:30am with only the occasional ouch. We had a wonderful place to stay, the Olympics to keep our minds off the surgery, and great Dr.'s who let Gord out a day early so I could take him shopping. He was even happy to come. Turns out shopping is better than staying in the hospital. We are home safe and sound and Gord carried the suitcases in, I wouldn't let him carry them out. It's been hard for my independant do it yourself man to let me do all the lifting, please note I didn't really enjoy the role of lifter, but I did it to keep him from bursting that hernia happily. I told him I would carry the suitcases in when we got home and he quoted the Dr., "You are as good as you are going to get and nothing you can do is going to hurt your hernia." So I said, "Fine." Dave our wonderful son-in-law carried them upstairs to our room whether Gord liked it or not. He's fabulous like that.
So, it is back to normal and the thing I like about normal is it's subject to change. Some of those changes are easier to deal with than others but I assure you, God is more than willing to give you everything you need to adjust to those changes. That is so remarkable, add to that the fact that He loves us enough to go ahead and prepare the way and it makes a person wonder why they spend a moment worrying.
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day
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