Oh Happy Day!

Each day is a blessing so no matter what the scale says this morning I'm calling it a happy day.  I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.  How's that for a weight lose slogan?  I'm slowly finding my way back to eating less and I'm seriously thinking about adding exercise to the mix once again.  I said, "thinking", boy do I hate exercise.

We have just purchased a four acre farm minutes from Beaumont.  It is the orginal farmhouse from 1932 of a well know family in our growing community.  I'm hoping that I will find my way to a more active lifestyle as we plan to have no less than two horses, cats to prevent mice, dogs to prevent intruders of all kinds and enough shops for Gord to add to his already extremely large collection of tools and junk.  (Do not tell him I said that "j" word.)  There is almost 3 acres of lawn, the property is surrounded by beautiful trees of many kinds, I will have a large garden and even a dugout for ducks and swans if I choose.  My point, we are forcing ourselves into a much busier lifestyle.  So exercise of the "not" so boring kind will become a huge part of my life as I mow lawns, garden, horseback ride, feed and groom animals of all kinds and snowmobile and dirt bike my way into the land of fitness.  I can look forward to that.  Until then I'm going to labor away at some form of exercise, right now flexing my legs in my recliner counts.

Todays Question:  "Why can't we be like the Europeans and walk or ride bikes everywhere?"

Answer, 40 below. 

I took the trip up the stairs to the scale and I'm down a pound.  Yipee!  I'm back to baby steps again in this process but thanks to this blogging and the commitment I made to write it, I'm not quitting so baby steps are a good thing.  I've discovered it's hard to come back to something and be as committed to it as I was before I took 12 days off.  I may have to get an I-Phone or a Blackberry so I can blog in every country.  It really does make a difference for me, turns out accountability is a contributing factor for my success.

I hope the next few days find me newly committed and back on the path I was on before I went to Africa.  I pray God gives us all the strength we need each day to choose life abundantly.  I truly want to move into a new dimension of freedom from the things that have bound me.  Oh...wait, I bind myself.  God help me to recognize the ropes sliding past my belly to my throat.  Did I say sliding past my belly, I meant being forced.  I need to stop binding myself, I no longer want to be a slave to food..."I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  And so can you!

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

Turn it On!

Life is like a lightswitch, we have power but we have to be turned on.  This morning I'm feeling like I forget sometimes that I flip the switch.  I wait for the miracle of weight lose, okay it's a stretch but for me losing weight seems like a miracle.  I'm waiting for a change but I want it to come without me having to move towards it.  I want results that I'd rather not work for. 

Todays Question:  "Does anyone else do what I do?  Look for results with little or no effort.

It's confession day, I wanted water weight to be the cause of my weight gain, I knew I was overeating but don't you agree that water retention sounds better.  I was happy this morning when I weighed for two reasons, I didn't gain any weight, and it's that time of the month.  Now that does not make most women happy, but for those of us who have gained weight without reason, as a result of this monthly occurance, you understand my joy.  It felt like a reason to celebrate, mabye this is a factor...time will tell.

I feel this morning that I have power, but I'm not accessing it.  What good is a light switch if you are standing in the dark and can't find it?  What good is power that is not accessed?  The answer, no good.  I want to change, God is my power source, He's willing to help me, He speaks and I ignore.  He instructs me and I don't listen.  I know that I may seem stuck on this point, I blame myself.  Slow to hear, slow to listen, slow to respond.  This weight loss is going slow, I'm up then I'm down, back up, back down.  I do everything fast...except lose weight, I can gain it as you have heard in no time at all.  I tell you friends, this is my mountain and I'm scared of heights.

So, there it is.  Scared of heights, scared of success, scared of being thin.  It's back.  Like a bad smell in the fridge you can't find, it's back.  I wish this was something I could put bleach on to remove its smell but it lingers.  A long time ago God showed me that garbage stinks.  I was looking at my life and wondering why I kept repeating patterns.  He told me I could put my garbage in a nice scented bag, I could press my garbage down, and I could put nice smelling deordizers on it, but Jenny He gently said...garbage stinks.  It must be taken out.  And that is the definition of why I'm going so slow, I don't want to take my garbage out, I'm used to the stink.

Now what?  I press on.  I keep looking, I keep trying and I don't quit.  That is what I would have done in the past, just quit.  It's easier.  Or so I thought, what I have missed in the past is that I'm the person I'm cheating, I'm the person who is missing out.  I want to be free of this and yes I'm used to the smell but I have to tell you...I want a new smell.  One that does not stink but one that reminds me of the fragrance of Jesus.  The smell of life and a future and a hope.  That "is" what I want. 

I have power, God given and freely given, to enable me to overcome any and every obstacle.  I've been through way worse things than needing to lose weight.  I'd be wise to remember that.  Forgetting what is behind me and pressing on to the freedom God gives.  I pray God helps us all to remember we have power...turn it on!

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

Early Riser

I'm hoping this doesn't last, my getting up early that is.  My first night back up at 3:15am, this morning, up at 4:30am.  It is surprising how much you can get done when you get up early.  It's only 7:35 and I've made a huge pot of turkey soup, cleaned the kitchen, organized the things I bought in South Africa, done two loads of laundry, folded one and cleaned out my purse and a cupboard.  By 8:30 am my blog will be up, my work is done.  It's good to be home but not liking the reality the scale continues to show.  I'm down a pound but that was not what I was hoping for.  I'm writing to let you know the water weight from my swelling legs has either disappeared to other regions of my body...or...and I don't like this much, I really did gain six pounds in Africa.  Fried food is from the devil. 

So once again I find myself needing to lose weight I already lost. 

Todays Question:  "Why do we call it losing weight but don't call it "relosing previously lost weight?"

Seriously, I'm tired of losing weight I've already lost once.  Who am I trying to fool here, I've lost the same weight a hundred times.  This is ridiculous, although at the time stuffing my face with fried foods was quite pleasant.  And there is today's answer, indulgence is fun no matter how often it's done and losing the same weight over and over and over and over again...is not.  So now what?

I think a perspective change is in order.  I'm not really losing the same weight because my past pounds have been caused from other things.  I have gained weight from Christmas baking, then I lost it.  I have gained weight from that horrible candy, chips and chocolate holiday we call Halloween, I mean how do you not eat all that stuff while you wait for the kiddies.  I have gained weight on a cruise ship, smorgasboards have contributed heavily to many gained and lost pounds.  I have even managed to gain weight in between celebrations, just eating cause I'm bored I guess.

 My trip to Africa revealed that it only took me four days to gain six pounds, I'm thinking it will take me two weeks to undo four days of fun.  I'm reminded of a scripture; "No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness for those who have been trained by it."  (Hebrew 12:11)  So now I'm being disciplined by a scale.  I enjoyed my little feeding frenzy, I can't even pretend I didn't.  I heard that voice in my head saying stop, I ignored it.  I've been doing that for years quite successfully.  Now I'm wishing I could blame water weight and a host of other pitiful excuses for this gain and I'm feeling a gentle but certain rod of correction across my larger frame.  I'm not been pounded on the head with that rod, I feel like it would be just, but rather I'm understanding that when I receive gentle discipline I'm on the road to being trained.  There is potential for me to learn from this mistake. 

My lesson, listen to the gentle but firm voice of discipline that tells me that's enough.  Listen when I know I'm repeating a pattern of self destruction that yields a result other than the one I want.  I've chosen to lose this weight, no one forced me.  God continues to prove that His discipline is not forced but given.  He loves His children so much.  I need to smarten up, use the brain I've been given and stop beleiving that food is my reward.  God help me to listen to you when I know that I've heard you and make the choice to take action.
Help me to be a doer of the word and not a hearer only...even when the word is no.

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

Saw it coming...didn't stop it.

Well I'm home.  It feels wonderful and I'm so glad I went.  All my fears were unwarranted, well most of them, thank God.  I discovered something about Africa I hadn't expected too, they love to fry their food, yes that includes vegetables.  Gaining weight did not surprise me, was hoping to loose but did not.  I'm up six pounds but will likely see a drop by tomorrow since my ankles swelled to balloon size from the flights.  I give new meaning to fluid retention. 

Todays question:   "What did I learn about myself in Africa?"

Of course that question is regarding my eating habits for the most part, what I learned as a person will take months to process.  So, truth number one, I did wonderfully watching what I ate until the day after I finished the conference.  I had no desire to overeat before.  So from the time I left, which was Saturday, to the following Saturday which was the training seminar and the end of the conference...wonderful.  From Sunday afternoon until this morning, the words that come to mind, "Feeding Frenzy."  Oh dear!

Number two, I felt full for the first time since I started this blogging process on September 1/09.  I mean overly full as in uncomfortable.  It started right after church with a wonderfully fried smorgasboard.  Fried potatoes...no not french fries but whole potatoes deep fried and then roasted, you know to make them healthier.  Fried pumpkin, sprinkled with cinamon and sugar and probably butter...not sure, but so good.  Fried fish, so fresh I was looking at the Indian Ocean it just came from out the window.  Desserts, now those who know me are aware that I am "not" a dessert person, Africa has changed that status.  I'm not a Canadian dessert person. 

Number three I eat when I'm emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted.  Yep, that is what I do.  I was missing my family, missing my friends, missing my country and seeing so many wonderful and difficult things at the same time.  I poured out with God's wonderful help and then I put into my mouth, never asked God for help with that, my bad.  Instead of asking God to fill me up after I poured out, I filled myself up with food.

I saw one beautiful work of God's creation after another, I saw Him move powerfully in the women we ministered too.  I saw how remarkable His compassion is and how quick He is to respond to the cries of the poor.  I saw a country so beautiful it cannot be described, I saw people so persevering it shames me to even think I understand suffering.  I realized how truly blessed we Canadians are and I realized how truly blessed the South Africans are.  What they have I long for, what we have they long for.  That was our common ground, I needed to share in their suffering to appreciate what I have, they needed to see that they are not the only ones who have experienced pain.  They also needed to see that God loves them and provides for them and sit down my friends...He uses people.  We all need God and we all need to be God's hands and feet extended...in "any" Country.  I loved the people of Jeffrey's Bay and I can honestly tell you they loved Tessa and I so wonderfully.  Accepted us and blessed us beyond what we expected, they showed us how beautifully people respond to love. 

God reminded me on this South African journey that He is the perfect picture of "unconditional" love.  He loves us all the same.  If I could truly grasp that I wouldn't reach for food when I feel empty.  I wouldn't need to eat to feel full, I'd understand what Jesus meant when he said to his disciples in John 4:34, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to accomplish His work." 

Feeding the poor is our work, it is our responsibilty, those who have should give to those who have not.  I needed to learn that God feeds us in ways that have nothing to do with the physical food but rather the spiritual food.  Funny how I grabbed for fleshy food right after I'd poured out God's spiritual food to the truly hungry.  Funny in that sad kinda way. 

Please Lord help me to learn that eating will never satsify the hunger I have to be more like You or the desire I have to accomplish your will.  You are "so" willing to fill me up if I would just ask.

Be blessed with a wonderfully "full" "filling" day.  I missed you my friends.