More Please!

No not more food you silly, more awareness.  I'm looking to be fully aware, to watch not only what I eat, but what I say, how I act and what I do.  I would like to be aware of how I present myself, to pay attention to what others think of my behavior.  I want to know that my children and grandchildren see God's love when they see me and here is the hard one...I want Gord to know that I love him by my actions not just by my words.  I so often get convicted that of all the people I love in this world, he's the one I treat the worst.  I've got the training to know better and still I can excuse that away with these words, "I love him the most that's why he sees the worst of me." 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever justify treating your husband, children or friends badly because you love them so much?"

You know the saying, you only hurt the ones you love.  How stupid is that.  It should say, you willingly hurt the ones you love because they love you enough to put up with it.   Should that be a truth in your life?  It shouldn't be in mine and I need to grow up enough to treat the people I love the best and treat those I don't know yet, like they may be someone I love one day.  Wouldn't that be great?

I'm asking for more please Lord, I want to remember how very blessed I am to have a man who loves me so much, does so much for me, works so hard for his family and spoils me in everyway he knows how.  I want more power to shut my mouth, to food yes, but above all to hurtful words, to stinky attitudes and the thoughtless and cruel comments that spew out from my lips, they would be so much prettier if they were closed.  If you think I had a fight with Gord know that I didn't, I just hear myself sometimes and wonder why he puts up with me. 

I'm finding success in denying myself.  Didn't really think there was any way someone could be successful and deny themselves...who knew?  I thought more was more, not less.  Turns out I need more wisdom as well.  Balance is more!  Help me Lord to balance my tounge, my heart, my mind and my appetite.  Set a guard over my mouth Lord that I might not sin against you, I need to be more...like you.

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

STOP IT!

Last night I went to a Ladies Christmas banquet, I won the centre piece, that was a first.  Shocking and very nice at the same time.  My friend Rachel bought me a ticket and it was a beautiful night.  The testimony of the women speaking, Ardele Quiquley, I hope I spelt that right, was sad, remarkable, made me so angry and empacted me greatly.  Her story was one of absolute rejection and abuse from her parents for 98% of her life.  I will not go into the details but I will say that there are people in this world who don't deserve children.  I grabble to understand why people neglect their own because my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, and so is their dad.  I can't even begin to describe what my grandchildren have done to my heart. 

It is an understatement for me to say that when I hear about people abusing babies, little kids, teenagers and adult children I get mad.  I often want that rope that Jesus said would be tied around their necks if they harmed the little ones, I want to pick the rock that's on the other end, and if I could lift them I'd want to cast them into the sea.  Something deep inside me just rages and I struggle to remember that I am supposed to be merciful.  My beautiful daughter is also very wise, she told me I'd be hurting people who are hurting, I know that she's right.  I have years of training and still my first thought when I hear about the things people do to children is to shoot on sight.  Good thing I"m not packin. 

Todays Question:  "Why would anyone want to hurt a child?"

I want the answer, I know it's because they were hurt, but why don't they choose to do better than their abusers.  Why don't they decide to be better, to act better and value children in the same way they wanted to be valued?  I don't get it and I don't want too. 

I know this does not have alot to do with weight loss.  I'm eating better, making better choices and working to makes the changes I need too to overcome this area of weakness in my life.  I would love more than anything to inspire anyone and everyone who abuses children, like I sometimes abuse food, to have the same goals and make better choices.  Look at the gifts you have, a healthy body is a gift and is one that should not be abused.  A child is a treasure, the best gift you will ever get, second only to Jesus.  There are many types of abuse, emotional, physical and spiritual and so many ways to be abusive in all areas, to ourselves and to others.  Can I just say....."STOP IT!"  No one gets away with abuse in any form, that includes me.  I'm God's child and abusing myself counts, God help us all to stop the abuse in any and every way possible.

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

Fearless

The area of my life where I need to become fearless is kinda weird for me.  I weighed this morning and I think I'm down 12 pounds, I'm afraid to admit it and since I can still see that tiny space between the line I'm clinging to 11 pounds.  I discovered this morning as I stood looking at how close I am to a 12 pound loss that I'm afraid to be down again.  It's either because I don't want to report another gain, or I'm struggling with my own success.  In reality both are true. 

Todays Question:  "Are you afraid of succeeding?"

I think in my case the answer is a resounding yes, not in every area of my life but certainly in some.  I wish they were not such important areas but they are.  I know my giftings and I like to sit on them, if I don't use them I can't fail.  If I don't put my thoughts, feelings or ideas out there...no risk of being hurt.  So I live in fear and don't like to admit it.  Fear of succeeding, pretending I'm safer not to bother.  No pain ....no pain!  That seems to be my motto and I'm not so comfortable with it anymore.  It seems to me like I'm the person who got their talent from Jesus and buried it, just to keep it safe.  I don't want to look at how harshly that servant was dealt with and I certainly don't like the thought that someone else will get my gift if I don't use it.  Reality is hitting me hard this morning.

So now what?  It's time to move, acknowledge that I have been gifted, just like you, and if I want to receive other gifts as I use the one I have, I must be going forward.  I have got to embrace my gifts, my successes and remeber they are gifts.  A gift is something you don't brag about, you don't deny it, but you don't act like it had something to do with you.  I have been entrusted with and given a gift from God and I have not been faithful with it.  If you have been neglecting your gifts because of your fears...like me...then I pray you would join me in becoming fearless regarding those giftings.  Failure defined in this world does not even remotely resemble Gods point of view.  I fail when I don't do...not don't try...don't do. 

So do and so act like it does not matter what the result is...just keep doing.  That is my new definition of fearless. 

Be blessed with a wonderful day using your gifts for His glory.

                                      Jenny    :)

Diabolical

This morning I was going to put some stocking stuffers on the stairs when I heard the sound of my husbands footsteps.  I decided that since he was up I should sneak up the stairs and wait outside our bedroom door.  Why?  To scare the beejeebers out of him, that's why.  I stood quietly giggling for no less than five minutes.  I thought he would just put on his housecoat and head downstairs, that's what he normally does, instead he got dressed, and did his morning things in my bathroom, how rude.  Did he know I was waiting outside the door about to burst.  Nope, I yelled, "Good morning sweetheart!", as he opened the door, jumped back and grabbed his heart.  I laughed and he got that same silly look on his face he always gets after I scare him.  I love that game.  Never grows old.  I told him I'd been standing outside the door for five minutes waiting, he asked me if it was worth it and I said, "Absolutely". 

Todays Question:  "Does that seem diabolical to you?"

I like the definition, "outrageously wicked", not so big on the devilish one, it isn't that bad to scare someone. 

I weighed in this morning after party night and I'm very happy to report that I'm still down eleven pounds. Yay!  I didn't even struggle at the party.  Said no thanks when Gord brought me an extra potatoe on his plate cause he was having seconds.  Didn't stay late to get dessert, didn't eat chocolate when I got home to make up for no dessert, and had an orange and a cup of tea for my snack.  Yikes, what's happening to me?  Don't want to speak too soon but I may be getting this eating right thing.  I'm sure feeling stronger, and that's not normal for me during this season of baking and chocolates. 

I am surprised to report that I even feel happy that my weight loss is slow.  Not rushing to lose the weight like I have for so many years, taking one day at a time and not beating myself up when I make a wrong choice, is working.  Praise God.  I am certain that another reason for my slow but steady weight loss is knowing that I don't get to quit.  I have no choice, even when I have bad days, I can't quit and that has been so good for me.  Weird hey?  No one is more surprised than I am.

I appreciate all your prayers my friends and your support during this process, knowing that other people are following me on this journey makes it so much easier to stay accountalbe. 

I pray you are blessed greatly today as I feel so blessed and grateful for your help.

                                                           Love Jenny