Last Thursday I got a new horse, well Tessa and Gord got a new horse. I could no longer handle the crazy nature of the other horse I picked out for Gord. Although she was very beautiful, her beauty was quickly diminshed by her actions. I don't remember disliking any horse I've ever met, however, after some time I quickly grew to _ _ _ _ Spider. Her total disregard for anyone's safety but her own quickly turned this overly protective person into a loudly stating lady..."I need that horse gone now!" And after some phone calls to the breeder I bought her from, a wonderful and pleasant swap was made, I behaved very nicley and was honest...speaking the truth in love.
Todays Question: "Do you ever end up feeling sorry for someone, be it animal or person, after you've seen them leave your yard, or your life?"
I do. I did. I went out singing to poor Spider in the morning. "Guess who's leaving here today? You are...you are. Oh the do dah day." I was so happy she was going. I'm still happy she left. However, when she sensed that something was up she wouldn't let me catch her. So around and around the pen we went. Remarkably I wasn't mad at her, I found it kind of funny. She wasn't a stupid horse, just a pushy one. I kept smiling for the entire 15 minutes while I let her run around me. I may have been madder if I had to chase her but all I had to do was walk the little circle. We all know I'd have turned crazy in a short time if I had to run...don't like running...period. Spider finally realized I wasn't getting tired and she was exhausted so she stood still and let me catch her. I gently put her halter on, trying to avoid her ears, she had some crazy issue with her ears and would throw her head in any direction to avoid your touching them, even if that meant her bashing your head with her hard horse skull. Ouch!
Once haltered and tied I brushed her and primped her for her return home. She was patient and well behaved...a sure sign she knew nothing she could do would bother me. She was leaving our life and I honestly beleived she would be happier back in her 100 acre forest, with the 100's of horsey friends she'd know from birth. When the trailer pulled in with the new Silky, the replacement for Spider, I was elated. We swapped horses. I only felt a little sorry for her as she called out to Electric and Grundy, our other two horses. They loved her. Apparently horses don't mind pushy and selfish like I do...go figure.
I breathed a sigh of relief as she left, no more worry about which one of my children or grandchildren she would hurt. I could relax a bit when Zayin ran out to see his Grundo, his name for Grandmas horse. I realized once again, thanks to Spider, that there are things in our lives that are toxic to us. Things that need to go, and as difficult as it can be sometimes there are people that have the same effect on us. Their toxins spill over and we don't realize until they are gone just how bad for us they were.
I had put off trading Spider for months because she was so good to Gord. They got along great, but...the day she bucked when he was slow to get his leg over the saddle and he had to jump to the ground beside me...that was it. She'd now destroyed the only reason I'd kept her. Gord wasn't hurt at all and he didn't even seem bothered by it, but I was done. She'd now 100% confirmed that she was only concerned for herself, no one else mattered, not even Gord who she so favored. It was the straw that broke my tolerance for her.
The new horse, Silky, is wonderful. She loves people, is gentle around everyone, comes to greet you, watches where the dogs, cats and most importantly children are. She's great and reminds me of my last Arabian who would hurt herself before she'd hurt anything or anyone else. Selfless.
Spider wanted to be in control of everything, wanted her way, looked after herself and couldn't care less who she hurt as long as she was safe and getting what she wanted. She highlighted so clearly for me what I need to watch out for in my life. She also highlighted what I don't like to see in myself or others. Control at any cost.
I could make this post about my control issues, however, I want you to take what you will from it. It spoke to me about what motivates us. No matter how beautiful that horse was, and she is beautiful, her entire being changed for me because of her actions, I couldn't see her beauty because she was too busy admiring heself. Nothing uglier than the me first attitude in anything living. Nothing more beautiful than the sacrifices we make to protect others.
My Prayer: "Lord help us to always remember the price you paid for us, the greatest sacrifices always seem to be those we make for others."
Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day
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