Oh Conviction....Get Lost

I'm sitting on my very comfy couch, watchng the snow gently fall in these aboslutely beautiful moutains that surround me in our condo in Radium.  Love, love, love the mountains.  Snow does not even bother me here.  Add to my already wonderful mourning, I'm sipping tea, I'm enjoying some alone time...Gord is sleeping in, and the sound of my dryer in the background makes me feel so warm.  Weird I know...but that's a sound I love, second favortie part is taking warm clothes out of the dryer and hugging them, especially towels...oh so snuggly.

Todays Question:  "What does all that have to do with conviction?"

While I sit on this comfy couch, I keep thinking about the sound of my voice.  The words that come out of my mouth, especially when I think about my husband.  We drove up yesterday afternoon, good trip, no fights, just the sound of my voice that breaks the silence when Gord drives.  "Slow down, you're freaking me out."  "It's slippery, do you have to go so fast."  He's doing the speed limit.  Crazy man I know.  "Do you know that every time you sip your coffee you wander all over the place.  Can't you focus on two things at once?"  Head shake, eye roll injected whenever and as frequently as necessary. 

Hold on...it gets worse.  The mountains are beautiful driving up, I see this beautiful heart shaped tree patch on the side of the mountain.  "Wow look at that."  He looks.  "Okay never mind, keep your eyes on the road."  He tries to look again.  "You are blind man, quit looking, watch the road."  Earlier I'd seen a hippo head.  "Look at the hippo head in the mountain, little ears and head just like the ones I saw in Africa, head and ears sticking out of the water."  "That's not a hippo."  He states.  I'm amazed he saw it.  "It only has one ear."  He adds.  "Well it had two but it took you so long to see it the view changed. Man you suck at this."  Yep not nice I know.  The grand finale....he reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder and says something about something...obviously I wasn't listening.  I say quickly, "I didn't hear you I was too shocked by the fact that you touched me."  Oh people I'm a keeper I tell you.  In my defense I did not marry the snuggle muffin or the King of compliments.   I did however marry a man who has a remarkable ability to put up with my nagavating...as he called it yesteray as we drove. 

My conviction.  I'm not very nice to my husband sometimes.  And the more couples I counsel, either for pre-marriage or marriage, the more I realize that the biggest problem all couples have, myself included in that all, is the tounque.  For some reason I think I'm allowed to talk to Gord like this, I mean he's got my life in his hands when he drives.  Right?  Of course I'm a superior driver.  And then more conviction...why do I treat the man I want to spend the rest of my life with the worst.  I see his faults, I assure you he has them, but when he got me....oh the man was blessed.  "When a man gets a wife he gets a good thing."  I love that scripture.  True most of the time.  But this is always true of my husband...always!  He takes such good care of his family.  Is he a talker, not always...more of a drag it outter.  Does he always express how beautiful and fabulous we all are...rarely, unless we talk about Tessa...good gravy the man is mush around Tessa.  He loves and wants what's best for his sons and when they struggle his heart truly aches for them.  I forget what a blessing it is to have a hard working, supportive, beleive in me man...at my side.  Some men suck...for the record and need to work on their lives....some women...same. 

The conviction I feel is justified.  Tame your tounque you wild woman.  You've been blessed with a man who is your perfect match....he's not perfect and truthfully...that's the match.

My Prayer:  "Help us Lord to guard the words of our mouth and the attitudes of our hearts as fiercely as the fires that burn.  Remind us of how truly blessed we are to have someone to share our lives and our burdens with and thank you that we are truly never alone."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Crash and Burn

So....two weeks later I return to the computer to write. 

Today's Question:  "Where the heck have I been?"

Avoiding!  One word answer.  Why?  Three pounds up after my crash and burn.  Fasted about 17 days, went to my sisters 40th birthday party...so fun.  Decided since you only turn 40 once, I mean whether it's you or someone else, you should celebrate with them.  It would be wrong not to...seriously wrong.  So I had a very tiny piece of cake with a very small bit of icecream, okay some chips, alright I had several cheese, cracker, meat and pickle creations, oh for crying outloud....I had already ate supper at my mom and dads.  I said I crashed and burned, didn't realize how bad until I started writing.  Which leads nicely back to why I've disappeared from the blogging earth until now.

So....what brings me back?  Started to regrip yesterday and it went well.  Can't imagine what I'd have weighed this morning if yesterday was not better.  I've learned through this process that I do not write when I'm not doing well.  That was not always the case but it has certainly become my pattern.  Write when I'm winning the battle, hide when I'm loosing it, and I don't mean pounds.  It's not a bad tactic my friends, it's just not a very honest one.  :(

These past few months have had me in stagnant mode, house still hasn't sold, waiting is not my strong suit.  Mixed emotions are finally going, I want it sold.  Selling the condo we never get to, although I'm going this weekend, having second thoughts and once again I'm in limbo land.  Have I ever shared with you my friends that I don't enjoy limbo land.  I'm the Queen of Let's Decide....NOW land.  Limbo land is where I've been living since September.  Plans that were based around the selling of our house have had to be put aside.  Have I ever mentioned that I hate not be able to plan...yep I said the H word.  I'm a planner and a doer.  Not a waiter and a seer. 

What does all this mean....I don't know.  I must be growing in an area where I need to grow...I mean besides in size...maybe paitence...waiting for God to move.  And then I think maybe...He's waiting for me to move.  Oh dear.  I'm feeling another crash and burn. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us when change is hard, when plans we make fail, when things don't happen the way we want them too, when we lose sight of what truly matters.  Help us to help ourselves when possible and to trust in you completley while we wait for Your plans for us to manifest.  Truly you are a great God, keep us safe in and out of the fires and crashes that our lives can bring.  Thank You for Your FAITHFULNESS!!!!

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Triggers...And I Don't Mean Roy Rogers Horse. ;)

A couple of days ago I was sitting in our guest room admiring my beautiful granddaughter Scarlett, she was admiring herself in the mirror.  Sad to admit it but I have a guest room with a huge closet with mirrors...essentially a wall of mirrors, just what I needed.  Once again I was faced with the image of some fat woman who I was sure couldn't be me...but was.  Shocking!  I was sure my sitting side profile should be better by now so I made the assumption quickly that it must be the mirror.  I looked at Chantel's image in the mirror, same small beauty she's always been, checked out Scarlett in the mirror, same adorable little chubby cheeks.  No change.  Looked at their images again, looked at mine, ran screaming out of the room.  No I never...just wanted to.  ;)

Todays Question:  "Do you know what a trigger is?"

It is a emotional response to something, you see, hear, feel, taste, etc., that causes an instant emotional reaction, that can be either positve or negative.   It is called a trigger because it is like a rapid firing in your brain, sometimes you are conscious of it, sometimes you are not.   However, you always react when triggers are fired.  So my trigger, that seemingly unchanged image of myself in the mirror.  I knew it bugged me because I thought after dropping 23lbs total since the last time I'd seen a stange fat lady where I should be,  that I'd be happier with my mirror image.  Not!!!  So how did I react, well I just sucked it up, or so I thought and went on with my evening. 

And then came the morning, ate normal but was all of sudden in need of cookies, or chocolate, anything sweet.  I enlisted my daughter and grandsons company and off we went to the Organic Market, where I promptly sampled anything and everything that did not have anything in it that would break my 21 day fast,  I'm allowed only natural foods and no sugar.  I found yummy cookies, and a spectacular organic choclate bar with almonds and beet sugar, yep from a beet, that's natural.  So I ate those, surprisingly not all of them.  What was the problem?  I realized that my trigger was fired the day before and my brain did it's natural response a day late.  There is hope for me you see my friends ..I didn't go find the treats right away I waited a day.  Let's forget the fact that the Organic Market isn't open on a Sunday night okay?  Whatever!  I still never ate them all...still have some left and it's Wednesday. 

I decided to look in that mirror again and I realized that I looked much better standing up now, straight on, sideways and backwards.  Note to self...never walk into that bedroom naked.  No telling how many triggers would fire that day...I'm thinking machine gun.  ;)

I'm still 13 pounds lighter and I'm still doing very well as a Vegetarion, I am self-diagnosing my problems and maintaining some control over them.  Baby steps granted...but still moving forward.

I hope the next trigger I come across is a beautiful palamino horse. 

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day and God grant you the desires of your Heart.  :)

Ok...Change is Good.

I can't believe how much better I feel eating as a vegan.  I've done this before but something has shifted this time and I've got clearer vision.  Maybe it's because I haven't had that extremely uncomfortable over stuffed feeling.  I get that when I eat meat whether I eat little or much.  I also have a clearer mind, if you know me you know how much I need that.  ;)

Today's Question:  "Do you think change is good?"

I am usually a kicker against change, as in I change but I do it kicking and screaming.  This change has given me peace and I don't really understand why.  I truly believe that my focus on what I can have instead of what I can't has made all the difference.  This is what I want.  Normally when I fast I'm counting down the days until I can eat what I want again, this time I'm wishing I'd have committed to more and that's a huge change.  The biggest question I have is could I do this for a lifetime.  I think maybe I could if I gave myself meat holidays, seriously breaking my turkey on Christmas and Thanksgiving tradition would be too hard.  Easter ham...oh my...and then there is that bacon I grew up on.  Maybe I'll eat that on Valentines Day and Family Day...ha!  Silly I know.  My fear...which I know is the opposite of faith, is that if I eat meat once then I'll want it again.  Decisions to change are often as difficult as the changes themselves. 

This is what I know, if I want results I'll have to chose to change each and every day, and it will be a series of daily choices only I can make, wouldn't it be nice if someone else could make these dietary changes for us, in a painless way.  Sadly, changes never manifest when they are mere dreams and that is what I'm doing now.  My reality...one day at a time. 

My Prayer:  "God help us all to chose wisely making the most of each and every decision."

Be Blessed with a Beautiful Day.

The Funny Thing About Plans

This morning I am booked solid, car appointment at 9:15, clients at 10am and 12noon, two appts in the West End and one on the South side. 

Todays Question:  "How does one get from point A to point B on time?

Answer, with a car that will start.  And so answers the question as to why my plans have changed.  I'm hoping to still make all those appointments.  My handsome husband is riding his black steed to rescue me as I wait.  I didn't plan to write but since I have 15 minutes I figured I'd at least make a productive change in my plans.  I'm so grateful for husbands who come to rescue their wives at a moments notice.  What a blessing!

I was happy that the scale shifted this morning, would have liked to have stayed in bed but at least the near to one pound drop on the scale made me smile.  I'm not an early morning person, I love to be up early...just don't like to have to leave the house early.  Especially when it's cold outside.  I guess I got what what I wished for when my car didn't start.  I now have an extra 15 minutes at home.  Then I get to go outside to a freezing cold car and drive it to my other house, where I will rush to have a bath, do my hair/makeup etc., so I don't scare anyone this morning or show up late, not sure which would be worse.  Our water is finally safety approved though so soon I will be beautifying in my own home again.  Praise God.  Sure glad I had a second house to go to these past few weeks. 

The rumble of my princes steed is approaching the gate, his firey eyes illuminate the darkness that is morning awaiting the rise of the sun.  I feel rescued, delivered and set free.  I will ride off on my own black steed but united in heart we will always be...my prince and I.

My Prayer:  "May God rescue you from all the changes in your plans, may He even change your plans so that you can accomplish something that was unexpected in your day.  Trust in His ability to deliver you and be grateful on those days when he uses people to do it."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day