It's Going Well...Thank God.

It been a week since my last post and to my surprise I have not gone crazy. Remarkable I know. I've been eating more healthy foods and less of them, both good. I've been exercising more in these last few days than I would have chosen too, but...and I do mean butt...which is sore, I'm liking the results. Not seeing it on the scale but feeling a strength in my muscles that I haven't felt for years. I've even allowed myself some treats, in moderation and usually when I know I'll be doing something to wear them off. I've surprised myself...I love the results of my work, not surprised I'm sore everywhere. It's hard for goodness sake...so hard.

Todays Question: "Do you ever gain appreciation for someone or something by going out and doing it yourself?"

The saying is true, "Walk a mile in my mocassions", until you do it you can't imagine what it's truly like. I've been a gutter installer this week, a labourer this week and a English rider in training. Three things I thought looked easy, three things I found very hard. Not killer hard like hauling concrete, but hard enough for this out of shape 52 year old. Shouldn't I be sitting in a rocking chair relaxing on the porch? I can tell you that almost every muscle in my body hurts, arms ache, neck and shoulders sore from holding back my 1200 lb horse, yeilding a hammer on the rip and tear of the barn, back is not sore even though I packed debris, lifted a metal scaffold multiple times and climbed that thing too many times to count. I think the climbing up and down the scaffold explains the sore fanny. ;)

My point, life is full of surprises. Sit down this is going to be hard for you to beleive and a little shocking. I liked it. Yep...liked being the gutter helper, liked ripping and tearing the barn up, liked English riding. Who knew? Not me that's for sure. This weekend was filled with hard physical work, from Friday to today, we are not quite done yet, but church first, then finishing touches. I'll be riding again which makes three days in a row, one hour and half rides. Amazing I can still sit or stand. So surprised by how hard it is to ride English, I've been a western rider all my life and I assure you it's way easier. I've been the cleaner for my handsome handyman, which I guess gives me labour experience, however, I've never been the assitant on major projects. I still cleaned, I can't help it, it's compulsive. Knowing when I look at the newly opened up stall for my horses, the gutter on the side of the barn, and my English stirrups, that I've done something new, and built something lasting makes me feel really proud. I've got skills I never knew I had. Yeehaw!!

It is remarkable what we can discover about ourselves when we try new things, dare to do what we've never done before no matter how big or how small they may be. I doubt I'll be jumping out of plane anytime soon, I've not yet lost connection with my head, if I do my handsome handyman will be the first to let you know, he's alwasy wanted to jump from a plane. Something wrong with that man, but I still love him.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to try new things, do things we've never done before and to always be surprised and amazed by the good things you have given us to enjoy in this beautiful place you prepared for us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Changing It Up

I have now decided, after my failed attempts to write everyday, that I will write when I feel inclined. Committing to write no less than a couple times a week will be a much more attainable goal. I hope. :)

Todays Question: "Do you resist change like I do and find yourself changing all the time?"

I hope so. I loved writing for the first year, missed blogging on the days I didn't. But now...I'm struggling to write and so I'm thinking that since I've changed, without realizing it once again, I guess I need to adjust. So instead of beating myself up for not writing more often, I will write as I feel led, and please know that I am not quitting this 51 pound journey. I will arrive and that blog post will be huge, since I'll be smaller. :)

I had been maintaing my 15 pound drop like a good soilder, I was getting a grip, but I've since learned that grips are unreliable. They come and go. Rude!!!! I'm a pound up. It may or may not have something to do with desserts, once again the sweet tooth I'm sure I don't have has been exposed at the root. Maybe I need to profess that I don't normally have a sweet tooth, that is true. I would much rather have a smorgasboard of breads than desserts, but chocolate mousse and cream cheese pumpkin muffins are wearing me down. Perhaps it's my medication for that exposed root. :)

I really don't want to quit, I really did mean it when I said I wasn't stopping until I lost 51 pounds. Now I'm concerned that my mind is weaving it's way around the goal and the committment like a spider weaves it's wonderous yet diabolical web.

Here are my most recent thoughts;

1. You've got years to lose this weight you set no timeline.
2. People get slimmer as they get older and apparently can't eat as much...wait it out.
3. You are going through menopause, nobody would blame you for emotional eating your hormones are wacked....(to say the least).
4. You are too angry to watch what you eat...(hormone related and sadly so true, I get so mad at objects these day. Ok, and sometimes my husband.)
5. It's toooooo hard and I'm toooooo old.
6. I look fine. (Too bad I don't feel fine...just heavy, in so many ways that have nothing to do with weight.)

You get my point I have a ton of excuses. Too bad they are not good enough for me.

So end result, changing how often I write but still committed, or should be. ;) Going to work at destroying the lies I tell myself, hitting them with the cold hard truth whether I like it or not,

My Prayer: "Lord....HELP...please."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Happy Day

The countdown ends, the day has arrived...tonight my daughter, her wonderful husband and the most adorable little Zayin come home. Ater 21 days of missing them, and the occassional moaning and groanings, I am still alive. Whew! That was close.

Todays Question: "Do you ever wonder how parents survive when their children live in foreign countries...permanently away from them?"

I do. I have that threat hanging over my head as that same daughter would love nothing more than to live full time in Italy. I'm grateful that for now, their plans are here in Edmonton.

I apologize for the "occasional" moanings I have done. I told you I love my kids second only too Jesus and my husband, so you should have known this would be a rough 21 days. Now...I have to wait for 12 hours and 35 mins for their plane to come in, I can make it.

I will be the happy blogger once again. I'll work harder now to write more often as I've lacked the inspiration I often get from my children surrounding me. I will focus, stop whining, stop complaining, etc. Wow, I need work and this may be hard. I have noticed that whining and complaining become normal after a time. They resemble the cravings I get for sugar once I cave in, I need it, want it, have to have it. This could be an interesting series of changes. I wonder if I'll go through whining/complaining withdrawal in the same ways I do sugar withdrawal.

I'll keep you posted. I'm still happily 15 pounds lighter and still getting a grip. Not perfect but much better. Truly this process is one of daily making the right choices. Sounds like life dosen't it?

My Prayer: "Lord help us all to survive the high and lows of life, equip us for every good work and remind us that we truly have so much to be grateful for. A heart of gratitude is such a beautiful thing."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Getting a Grip

Finally can say that I had a good day, wise choices, avoided the sweets, although Gord's chocolate bar nearly did me in. I chose the healthy bar from Costco instead. Result...back to a comfortable 15lbs lighter once again.

Todays Question: "Do you ever surprise yourself?"

I do...often. On Monday morning I was hit with a huge craving for chocolate. No surprise I gave in, Christan and I were happy girls eating our chocolate. However, when I made the decision to cave I made another decision...and that surprised me. Have the choclate bar(s), whatever, ride bike for no less than half an hour. We rode 6 miles. Yep, 40 minutes. Apparently for the young Ms. Miller, easy and slow, for the 52 year old Grandma, yikes, slow down you crazy woman. I felt so much better on so many levels. Happy I got the chocolate, happy I rode bike to make up for it, so pleased I didn't skip the bike ride, that wouldn't have surprised me I 'may' have done that in the past. :)

Yesterday was a busy day and when I got home I cooked supper, a leftover creation, danced, ate, danced. Who says you can't exercise while you cook, after you eat, etc? I'm going to make a serious effort for a change, I need to exercise to see results. I hate to admit it but those people who have been saying that for years appear to be right. Crap! Pardon my language.

I want to go to Hawaii after Christmas and I would love to be no less than 20 pounds lighter. I think that's a reasonable goal and I need to succeed. Feel free to motivate me, pray for me, give me a sound talking too should I be slipping, lectures are good too. I fear I may regret writing that.

My Prayer: "Lord help us make the hard changes in our life."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Good News

I can't weigh this morning, well I could but my husband is sleeping in on this wonderful Labour Day weekend and I just don't feel to wake him up. Since he labours so hard. :)

The good news title is meant to reflect how wonderful it was to go to a church that is 10 minutes away, realize while I'm sitting in it that it was the last place we went to church with all three of our kids, and love the Pastor's message. Biblically sound, funny, relative and God inspired. Wow! It looks like we have found our new church home at Ellerslie Road Baptist. I guess I got my degree from a Baptist Seminary for a reason.

Todays Question: "Am I the only one who struggles with trust?"

I know God will lead me but I'd like him to do it in my time. I also know that His timing is so much better than mine. I was beginning to doubt that we'd ever find the place for us, however, doubting Jenny has been silenced. Happily!!!

Applying trust to those slow moving answers to prayer, hopes for sold houses, seeing changes in self and others is hard. I keep hoping I'll wake up one day and be tired of food, only eat when I'm hungry, and just drop weight effortlessly, without exercise. What a dreamer!

Change is hard, but necessary. Change means I have to do something different. Change means I'm not 100% sure I'll recognize myself and I'm not always comfortable with that thought. Could be why I lack action.

Sometimes I wonder who I'll be if I change entirely, in all my areas of weakness. Somedays I doubt I'll ever change. You see the horrid cycle that spins like my washing machine in my brain. Oh what I'd do for a stop button.

My Prayer: "Lord help us all when we resist change. Remind us that being comfortable isn't always the best thing for us and help us to find those paths that lead to our healings, mentally, emotionally, physically and most especially spiritually."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

To God Be The Glory

Great things he has done. I love that song, I love it's truth.

It's Sunday my friends and I'm off to try a new church. It's been way too long since we've been and I'm leaving with hope. Maybe this will be the place for us.

Todays Question: "Do you think it's odd to want something and be afraid you won't find it at the same time?"

I don't! It would appear to be normal, and since I"m not normally found in the normal catergory I'm rejocing to be normal, at least for a moment. :)

So this is a short post to let you know that I'm going to continue to search for that place of worship that fits....and...I'm going to stay committed to all the important things, people, goals., etc in my life.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday, I'll let them be the reason I work to see things I need to change in new ways. The work continues whether the progress is slow or fast.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to never give up."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Dear!

I am lacking motivation and they say that motivation does not magically appear, you have to move to make it happen. I don't like what "they" say.
It would appear to be true though, since I'm writing and I don't feel like it.

Todays Question: "Do you feel like committment is a difficult thing at times?"

I do!!!! I'm trying to convince myself that I only committed to this process for one year, since a year has passed my mind tells I'm done with this. The problem, reading my own blog page intro line proves otherwise. "...not quitting until I'm done." I do remember writing other similar things. ;)

I have not dropped those two pounds, maybe it's the desserts I've been having, did I say maybe? It started on the 25th of August and has yet to end. I guess my birthday triggered my sweet tooth, you know the one I never thought I had. I'm clinging to my 15 pound loss and wondering why I've slipped back into those old habits I thought were gone.

I guess this 51 pound journey is going to be heavier than I thought. I need to refocus, recommit, redirect and close my mouth. I need to remember that this is what I want, these are my goals and my desires to live a healthier, more active life. I really do want to be the Grandma who does things with her grandchildren, I mean other than knitting and watching TV.

I need to concentrate on what I truly want, what's true, what's lovely and what's pure. All these lies swirling around in my mind that say; you can't do this, you'll never lose 51 pounds,or the worst one, you don't want too, need to be destroyed. I think it's time to clean house, sweep the cowwebs out of my brain and remember that this is what I want.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to press on when we feel pressed. Remind us that we can do all things with you. Nothing and no one, including ourselves is greater than You are. Help us to focus on the truth and reject the lies."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

One Year Today

So here it is...I wondered where I would be in one years time and I'm at 15 pounds down, it would be more but yesterday, as timing would have it, was counseling day, it started at 11am and ended at 10pm, which means I spent way too much time sitting on my butt, which means swelling that causes water retention and weight gain.

Todays Question: "So...what's changed?"

Me!!!

I no longer eat to fill voids, the majority of the time, I confess to still being a little bit of an emotional eater. After one year I stopped walking into my homes, either one, and going straight to the fridge. I don't pig out anymore. Shocking I know. I am surprised by how little food it takes to fill up on. I like being 15 pounds lighter and when I saw the button my daughter made for my 50th birthday party I was shocked. I think 7 of the pounds I dropped came right off my face. I'm surprised that I've kept the weight off for a year. That is not the norm I assure you. I like how I look!

I could come up with more things I like, more things that have changed but you get the point. I will add that for me the biggest changed has been scriptural. I'll explain. For years I had this verse on my fridge; "A person is a slave to whatever has mastered them." I was a slave to food, it ruled my life, consumed my every thought, while I was busy consuming it. Breakfast over, lunch coming, lunch done, what's for dinner, and what shall I snack on throughout the day? That was me. I still don't like to miss a meal, however food is no longer the highlight of my day. I can say no and it is my choice. For years it seemed like some outside force controlled me. I knew it was me but it was so much easier to blame that evil food devil. He made me eat too much, his super powers forced my mouth open and threw chocolate almonds, chips, etc., down my throat. Ok I chewed, but I was powerless. Horse pooh, bull pooh, what a liar.

We have got to confess our sin, got to face it, got to admit it and got to own it. Until we do...it's got us. Once we do, we can forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, take our power back and get over it. Move on.

And that is what this last year has highlighted for me...truth. The truth about who I am, what I give in to, how I act, react and what I do when I feel sorry for myself. Pitiful I know...however

"If God is for me, who can be against me?" And my friends I assure you, God is for you. God does want to help you, does want you to chose better, live better and be free. God is not ignoring you, He is waiting for you, patient with you, wanting you to make better choices for the overall well being of your....SELF!!!!

He truly wants to bless you...no matter what you struggle with.

I can get through any year, a lifetime for that matter, with the knowledge that God is for me. Thank you for walking with me this past year, your encouragment and faithfulness has blessed me...I pray you be blessed as well.

Have a Wonderful Day

My Prayer: "God please guide us and help us to get wisdom, to get understanding and to apply what we learn along the way."