So Far....

...not so good as Christmas approaches.  I'm happy to say that I'm only a pound up, that does not normally make me happy but I assure you, it is good news.  This holiday season is proving to be a very trying time for me.  I did something I haven't done for years, I put off shopping until December was upon us.  Not like me at all.  I'm normally the woman people hate, I've got most of next years presents bought right after Christmas at no less than half the cost.  This year the farmhouse purchase on the 6th of December sidetracked me and I just never bought much at all, a few Christmas decorations which I'm loving now and some slippers...that's it.  So I've been at one mall or the another for the past two weeks running around like a mad woman trying to finish my shopping.  NO!  I'm still not done, but I am almost finished.   I can breathe again. 

I've had to put off the Christmas baking, I blame the 3 dozen cookies I baked last week for the weight gain, I forgot that Christmas baking was for guests and somehome consumed almost all those cookies myself.  Not at once thank God, but over the last week and a half.  I'm way too good at baking, and I'm not bragging I'm just saying that I only bake what I love, so...I wouldn't love it if it wasn't yummy.  :)  It may surprise some of you but I'm a picky eater.  I don't beleive in wasting calories on something I think is okay, I only eat what I really like when it comes to fattening treats. 

So now I'm trying the avoidance technic, if I don't bake it...I won't eat it.  Another problem, and it has to do with me and things that are on sale.  So long story short, stupid Costco has Quality Street chocolates on sale.

Todays Question:  "Who decided that chocolate should go on sale?"

Serioulsy...Who?  Should I say Why?  I love knowing Where and When, but What the heck.  How can I resist something I love if it's on sale.  It was the straw people, my back is not that strong I have extra weight to pack...work with me.  No red blooded chocolate loving women that I want to be friends with can resist their favorite chocolates on sale.  They were $4.00 off.  OMG as in gosh.  I caved, are you surprised?  And just so you know I'm not a hopeless case I bought the other chocolates that were on sale too, but like I said, if I cheat I only eat what I love, and those chocolates I can merely tolerate, so I haven't touched them.  Wouldn't it be nice if I hated everything but vegetables and fruit? 

I'm still plowing along, so don't give up if you are plowing with me.  I crash and then I put myself back together again and press on.  I'm sure glad I love salad or I'd be hooped.

My Prayer:  "Lord once again I struggle with change and I know others do too, please strengthen us, guide us and direct our steps.  And please Lord no more sales on chocolates."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Are They Kidding?

I heard or saw an advertisement yesterday for a talking scale.  My brain did what I like to call a "instant disconnet".  That means I couldn't think about it when I saw the ad because I was in shock.  I had to go to town so as I drove my mind did what I like to call a "slow recall", and I started thinking about...

Todays Question:

"Who in the Sam of hello would want a talking scale?"

When I go to the Dr. for that yearly checkup once every 3 or 4 years, (I know), I get weighed on one of those livestock scales.  I find myself hoping that the girl weighing me in will not yell out how much I weigh.  Have you ever noticed that no matter what octave the girl is actually talking in when she says your weight it echos throughout the building.  I want to yell back,   "I'm not deaf for crying outloud woman, keep your voice down."  And should that poor girl be heavier than I am once again I want to scream, "Let's see how much you weigh missy, then I'll yell it out for all the world to hear."  If she's skinnier than me, which is most often the case, I'm quiet, but people are usually quiet just before violence erupts.  :)

Are you enjoying the glimpse into my twisted mind so far?  I hope so.  Back to the talking scale, can you imagine the kind of trouble my husband would be in if he got me one of those for Christmas.  Oh dear.  I fear a man must have invented these stupid talking scales.  This is how I know, my husband decides he needs to weigh, he trots happily up the stairs, steps on the scale with authority, reads what it says outloud, like he's proud of it....regardless of whether he's up or down.  How in the #!# & *#!, do men manage to do this.  Then he hops off, doing this strut thing, chest out, hands on belly...I hope your sitting...he's smiling!!!!   He's not even concerned, and more shocking than that, if we have company he'll go down and tell people how much he weighs, in fact he'll tell anyone who asks him at anytime.

Here is what happens when I weigh, if people are in the house I'm concerned they may hear the scale so I step on it quietly.  Just in case they hear it and then ask what it says.  Oh that makes me tremble!  I will mention it if I've lost weight, but only to those chosen few who know not to ask that dreaded, "How much do you weigh now?" question.  I'll tell you how old I am anytime day or night, but I will not tell you how much I weigh unless you've earned my undying trust.  Could you imagine what kind of madness would go on in this house if my scale talked.  I'd be throwing myself over the speaker to keep it from talking outloud, if that didn't work the people of Beaumont would drive by our house and wonder why we had a scale in our front yard, a smashed one no less  Do you know how hard it is just to know your weight in your head?  Why on earth would I want some male voice belting out how much I weigh like I should be happy or worse, some female voice judging me regardless of her monotone efforts.  Seriously.

More questions.  Does the talking scale make other comments?  For example, you weigh ---lbs, maybe you should lay off the cookies, or my goodness you've actually lost a pound, it's been 4 months since you've lost a pound...amazing.  How about, for crap sake woman my arm is spinning. I don't go that high...get off me now!!!  Or my favorite expression, are you flippin kidding?  Can you order more empathetic talking scales that say things like; dont worry about it I know lots of people who weigh so much more.  You hide your weight so well, or my husbands favorite comment to me if I lose a pound or two, "A good wind will come up and blow you to Calgary if you are not careful."  I love when he says that, my mind instantly thinks. yes dear a tornado wind.  Likely the scale would garner the same thought.  I wouldn't beleive it either. 

So if you planned to buy me a talking scale for Christmas please don't.  I've been known to lash out at inatimate objects in the past and I cannot be trusted.  Some things shouldn't be invented, and should you have one of these horrid creatures in your home I feel for you, unless your a man of course and then I'm happy you have someone who blurts out your weight as readily as you do.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord I love that you love us regardless of what of we struggle with, remind us often of that amazing love."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Finally!!

It's good to be back in control again, of myself that is.  I'm finally feeling better, moving more and making healthier choices, again!  I can honestly say that I'm so glad to see November gone, it was a sick month and I mean that in almost everyway.  Good things still happened, it was just hard to embrace them whilst I was clinging to my barf bucket.  :)

Todays Question:  "Do you ever take things for granted?"

I sure do!  I enjoy very good health, I have the typical aches and pains that come with age, but overall I'm one very healthy girl and I'm very grateful as well.  I have no idea where people who deal with illness on a daily basis find the strength to go on, well I have some idea...GOD.  I am a pitiful sicko, can't do much of anything...except feel sorry for myself.  I managed to keep the crying fits to a minimum this time around, that is an improvement.  It seems I have to have a pity party and fall apart before I can see how blessed I am the majority of the time.  What a baby!!!

Something positive that came from November...I lost the 6-8 pounds I'd gained in October.  Whew, that was close.  I'd have rather done it some other way, but hey, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth.  I earned those pounds and am happily sitting at my 13 pound loss and looking forward to more droppings, even during this holiday season.  Do you think I'm being realistic in this hope?

No matter what December brings I will be happy.  Happy I'm healthy, happy I'm so loved, happy I have such great people in my life, both by birth and by choice.  So blessed to have a man who loves me so much, and serves me, and holds me while I whine when I'm sick.  Ok he's not great at cleaning but I'd rather the hugs and endless bucket trips...okay? 

I love Christmas, I love Jesus and the price He paid for me.  Even knowing me....completely...can you beleive that God loves us without condition, so true.  That babe in the manager who died for all our sins was a remarkable man....a remarkable God and a most remarkable Saviour.  I am in awe of such greatness, such goodness and such mercy. 

My Prayer:  "That gratitude and love would penetrate your heart, no matter it's state, and remind you of how truly blessed you are, regardless of your struggles and doubts.  Truly we are all loved beyond measure!!!"

Be Blessed with A Wonderful Day

What Happens When a Woman Gets The Flu?

That title is todays question and todays answer is the list of what happens at my house.

Please bear in mind that I was only down for one day, when I say down I mean I didn't have the strength to clean up after myself, or my husband.

1.  Bed not made, laundry untouched.
2.  Gords coffee, grinder and honey, left out until day two when I got the strength to put them       
     away.
3.  Kitchen counters, well lets call them crumby, sticky, papers to and fro, etc.
4.  Sink, and yes I have a working dishwasher, full of dishes both in and on both sides of both sinks. 
5.  Stove, dirty, in so many ways I'm puzzled as to why.
6.  Toaster full of crumbs and counter in front of toaster...same.  (I will add my gratitude to Gord for
     making me toast, it was all I could eat.)
7.  The cracker mess and soup pot reminded me that he did make me a bowl of soup as welll.  (So the
     pot and bowl had to be soaked before I could hope to get them clean...no big deal.)
8.  Back porch and front porch, bits of hay everywhere, also nicely tracked into the rest of the house. 
9.  Both porches full of mud, wet spots and shoes.  Do any of you have a husband who can wear 4 pairs of
     shoes in one day?

I could go on...but should I?

Can you imagine what my house would look like if I was sick for any length of time?  I can, and I tell you people it scares me to death.  I just know that within two weeks those two Brittish women who clean up big messes on TV would show up and say..."Bloody Hell!"  As only the Brittish can.

Please know that I am blessed with an amazing husband who does so much for me...truly.  I just wonder why such a talented man can't clean up after himself.  Why?  Why?  Why?

The plus side of the flu....those three pounds I'd gained are now gone.  Thanks to multiple trips to the lou, I'm in English mode.  I've also experienced something rare...I actually thought it was instinct in me...no appetite.  For two whole days the thought of anything other than toast made me sick, crackers and soup were okay too...apart from that...blah.  Even my favorite chocolates...no desire...none.  Shocking I know.  Yesterday was the first day I felt better so I said yes to a Christmas Banquet...big mistake.  Couldn't resist the temptations...knew I should but didn't listen.

So today, I'm home...back to toast and soup and not much of an appetite.  I add that if you got frequent flyer points for trips to and from the ladies room...I'd be on a beach somewhere.

My Prayer:  "Lord I thank you for the gift of health, the blessing of a body that rejects those bugs that make us sick even if it takes some time, and I rejoice in the care I receive whether it meets my standard or not...I pray we all would."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Garsh!

The battle to write today...intense.  Did not want to because I'm up 3 pounds, not surprised since I've been eating chocolate everyday.  It would appear that I've replaced my no sugar attitude with choclate and nuts. I keep telling myself how healthy nuts are, the scale keeps telling me how fattening they are.  Stupid scale.
Todays Question:  "How do you stop doing something when it's all you want to do?"

I know the answers, so please don't write them to me.  Although I like to act like a ninny I know I'm not.  I know what works and I know what doesn't.  Seriously, I have no less than 32 years experience at this.  That would certainly give me a Doctorate in Dieting.  You don't have to call me Dr. though.  :)

I'm not sure what will snap me out of this chocolate funk, the scale isn't working.  The brain, although it would seem to be shut off, is merely in ignore mode.  I hear that voice saying, "Knock it off."  I listen long enough to hear and then get up and do what I want.  I told you way back when I started this blog that I hate being told what to do...even by myself.  The brat in me has kicked into overdrive and I may need some serious discipline.  It would appear that I'm attacking the food with the same vengenance I felt after it attacked me.  I know this is a loosing battle but I don't seem to want to go down without a fight.  Now if I could just redirect the battle in a positive direction.

Oh this weight thing never seems to end, I know it's not about the food it's about my emotions.  Turns out I'm way more emotionally attached to this thing than I first thought.  This is my ball and chain and my comfort and reward.  I give of myself and then I put in....my mouth that is.  Yikes!

I'm going to figure this out one day and I'm hoping it's sooner than later.  I truly would love to be free of the yo yo cycle of changing my eating habits.  I do move more so that is good...something positive.

My Prayer:  "God help us when we chose not to help ourselves.  I'm so glad you love us in spite of our faults and failures."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Winter Wannas

Today's title sums up what's been going on with me, I wanna a chocolate, any kind will do, I wanna blizzard, cause one is happening outside, I wanna hot drink with whipped cream to warm me up, I wanna eat something, anything that will bring up my body temperature.  I wanna, I wanna, I call them the winter wannas.  Let's don't even talk about the fact that Christmas is around the corner and the goodies are popping up everywhere.

Todays Question:  "How does one overcome the wannas when one also wants to shed excess weight?"

No doubt brought on by the wannas. 

It all started after I survived my food poisioning episode, I'd lost 6 pounds and instantly went into recovery eating.  The authorities say it's not good to lose weight fast, so I had to listen, I put it right back on.  Three days ago I was back down 15 pounds, I returned to panic mode and started eating chocolates or chocolate bars, either are good.  I'm managed to get back to a 13 pound lose, feeling much better now.  :(

I obviously have a mental block that I'm not finding, even with all this training.  And immediately I wrote that and paused, the answer came.  Christmas!  That time of year when families come together and I become painfully aware of the fact that Calvin will be home for Christmas, as in home with Jesus, but not with us.  Oh why do I always forget that and feed up first.  Couldn't I just remember it and avoid all that junk that never fills the void.

So snap...yes out of it.  I wasn't going to write today, was trying to avoid the up, down, up, down, cycle that I've been in being know to anyone other than me.  Now I"m glad I did.  I often tell people to pause when they are distressed or confused by what they are doing, I need to learn to practice what I preach.  Stop and think Jenny...stop and think.  I must have thought I heard someone say stop and eat, stop and eat some more, I wonder who that was?

My Prayer:  "Lord I rejoice in your birth, love the way you prepared for us to our true home and so look forward to being with you and my baby for an eternity."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Snow...I love It.

It has finally snowed in Edmonton.  Yay!  I'm one of those people, people don't care for, who love, love, love snow.  I don't ski, well I can, I just don't.  I'm not a huge outdoor activities person, well I'm bigger than I want to be.  ;)   I absolutely love to look at it, love to see it falling, love the way the trees look, love frost on everything, even my car window.  And I am crazy about hoar frost. (had to google that cause I spelt it the bad way first...woops.) 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever find yourself loving something that most people don't think you should...and wondering why?"

I do, and I think I solved the mystery of why I love snow so much.  I was born in Edson, it seriously snowed on my birthday...August 25th...yep...I'm not lying.  So I must have made the decision to love it way back when, because I was surrounded by it the majority of the time.  It snowed an awful lot in Edson.  My brothers and I used to jump from the garage roof into the snow...and we were allowed, so you know it wasn't the drop of doom, the snow was mere inches from the roof ledge. 

I also love the feelings that I get when the snow falls, it is difficult to define them completely but I'll try.  I get this amazing sense of warmth when I stand in front of a picture window looking out at the snow falling.  Lights of any kind do the most spectacular things with falling snow.  It's mesmerizing!  I'm content to stay home, in fact I long for home when I'm out.  I get urges to bake, and sometimes I enjoy cooking.  Weird hey?  I think ...

Winter is good for the soul, I honestly believe that.  I tend to want to fatten up and I've finally stopped that, thankfully I'm still 13 pounds down, could be a lean winter...let's hope.  I'm so looking forward to our first fire in our wood stove, there is nothing like the warmth from a wood fire, penetrates the heart.  People are all bundled up and moving quickly, remarkable how fast we can move when it's below freezing. 

Winter seems to bring about purpose, or maybe our survival instincts kick in and our minds clear.  Regardless, I love what winter does to people, okay some of the drivers may be experiencing brain freeze, but other than that snow in it's wonderful white purity always reminds me of God.  Beautiful beyond description and way too marvelous for words.

My Prayer:  "Be held and warmed today by God's unconditional love for you."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Bra Shopping!

Todays Question:  "Am I the only woman who really dislikes bra shopping?"

I seriously wish there was some other way.  Three stores, one that ended three letters into the alaphet...I mean seriously there are 26 letters in the alphabet people, could we at least go 6 or seven in before we quit.  I hear bra sizes go all the way up to J, so why on earth would you stop at C?  Do you have any idea how many D cup women I know?  Seriously, we are not rare. 

To be fair, I'm sure the small breasted women would appreicate some minus A's.  I also imagine it is equally as difficult to be fitted when you are very small in stature and large in bust.  Do you think men make bras?  I think they must.  You should see the amazing bras in the perfect sizes.  I was given three wonderful choices for color, black, white and nude.  Nice.  And the industrial strength styling is quite sexy.  Big and ugly. 

I was very happy with two bras I found at Victoria Secret, 38DD, problem, a little "spill".  I'm quoting the assistant.  Do you know they have a buzzer and the girl comes in to have a look at how your girls are fitting in the bra.  Quite an intimate setting, dimly lit to ensure your skin looks amazing.  Little padded chair so you can bury your head in your hands and cry after exhaustion from trying on bra after bra to no avail.  Staffed with women who can contain their horror when they've seen way too many boobs that have gone South.  What a delightful experience. 

Next store, not so concerned about the lights, ready to apoligize quickly when you say you are beyond a C.  Sent me off to the next store, where they go higher, with a smile.

Final store and the straw.  Small but packed full of bras, the girl gave me padding, do I look like I need padding?  After 7 fails she asked if I'd be okay without padding?  Was she kidding?  I assured her I'd be quite happy with less padding.  When I saw the price I was longing for padding, so I'd have a soft place to fall.  $159.00, thanks but no thanks, the $50.00 bra at Victoria Secret that I loved but had a little "spill", was stuck in my brain.  I can lose 10 pounds and wear that bra.  I'm going back next Tuesday and I'm buying both those bras.  Black and nude will be my color choices.  Did I mention that those bras have a beautiful wide back strap that hides the little roll we busty women get to help support or larger chest.  Talk about a bonus. 

So I came home with nothing, but I now have new motivation to lose weight, I seriously have never found a bra more comfortable in my long life.  So if you see me in a week or so in one of my new bras, pardon the "spill"...I'm working on it. 

My Prayer:  "Lord thank you for the wonderful land of blessings that we live in, abundance comes in many forms and we should always be grateful for what we have."

Be Blessed With a Wonderful Day

Plowing Along

The title says it all.  Once again I'm down that same pound I think I've lost 100 times, happy it's gone, wondering if it will come back.  That's the truth, wish it wasn't but true at this point.  I'm struggling with the desire to go forward, not having any problem with the excuses I've used a million times over the year.  I'll give you the top ten.

1.  I'll get serious right after Christmas/Easter/Thanksgiving/Birthdays, etc.
2. Way too much going on right now to focus.
3.  I seem to be starving. 

Todays Question:  "Is it possible for a person with more than 50 pounds to lose to starve?"

4.  I'm happy where I am.  (True most of the time, bathing suits and full length mirrors trigger reality.)
5.  I've been sick and I plan to milk it for all it's worth, or chocolate it.  :)
6.  I'm too old to lose weight.
7.  It takes too long.  (Please note I didn't mind how long it took to gain the 50 plus pounds.)
8.  I don't eat as much as other people so it's not fair.  (Insert whine.)
9.  Why aren't I one of those people who forget to eat? 
10. Why don't I like exercise? 

The questions seem to be part of my excuses.  I manage to feel derprived because I wasn't born skinny, don't have better genetics, don't love to workout and think way too much about my next meal.  Even if it's just a sandwich, I'm looking ahead.  Don't like to miss a meal my friends, not one bite. 

So  now what?  I'm going to rejoice in the things that have changed and make myself go forward.
I am moving more thanks to this farm, my horses, and grandkids, and I'm going to the pool, steam room, and hot tub with my husband at least three times a week.  We bought a monthly membership and I plan (please Lord) to take in some of the classes that come with the membership.  I guess the only way to change is to change.  Hello!!

I am going to have to shut down the excuses, get off the couch, shut the fridge door and resist the temptations that will always be present in this world.  Once again I'll need...

Prayer:  "Lord help us to resist those things that so easily turn our heads, whatever they may be, and find our strength in you.  You are more than able, help us to realize that we are able through you."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

"Poisoned" Yikes!

So the last time I wrote, October 19/2010...today's date November 6/2010.  Oh my goodness where has the time gone.  I was going to make an honest effort, okay a commitment to write at least once a week.  Oops.  That's all I've got.  Ooops.

Todays Question:  "Do your good intentions ever fail to manifest?"

No point in stating the obvious on my part.  I meant to write, I did, several times.  I had my first battle with food poisoning last weekend, was going to whine about that but didn't have the energy.  It was a long three plus days but I survived.  I will never again make the glib comment that I think I may have a touch of food poisoning...I assure it's not a touch, it's a full powered, open handed whack.  Knocked me out and I was down for the count.  Thank God for my husband who served me so well.  I had zero energy, I'm sure the throwing up every hour on the hour for ten hours is what exhausted this 52 year old body.  Can I say that my stomach muscles have never felt so toned.  :)

I really fought the urge to write when I stepped on the scale at day two of my sickness.  Lost five pounds my friends...a plus but it was so not worth it.   I knew that weight loss was temporary and completely a fluid drop.  By day three...three of those pounds were back even though  all I could eat was toast.

Another first in my life, I ate one O-Henry chocolate bar on Halloween night and that was it.  Shocking...it's a wonder I didn't die.  I wouldn't have beleived I could ever eat only one little chocolate bar on October 31st.  I assure you that  has never happened.  I have been doing my best to catch up with full size chocolate bars since then.  Weird how when we feel like me missed something we look for replacements.  Or maybe it's just weird how I do that.

Either way...I'm sitting at the same 13 pounds down I've been at for a couple of weeks, so that's good.  I'm struggling with the desire to eat every treat in sight.  Failing sometimes and succeeding others.  I must be imitating my horses as they try to fatten up for the winter.  Must be afraid of freezing to death or something.  I'll have to dig deeper into that mystery.  For now I have no answers...just gratitude.  I'm grateful the food poisining didn't kill me, and yes I thought I was going to die several times and was scared I wouldn't at others.  It was seriously the sickest I've ever been.  I love being healthy and I feel for those who struggle with health issues on a regular basis. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to rejoice in all things, especially our health and when we dont' have it help us to look to you for strength and endurance.  Thank you for the people who love us and care for us when we are sick.  Thank you for your blessings that come in many forms."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day!

The Battle For Control

Last Thursday I got a new horse, well Tessa and Gord got a new horse.  I could no longer handle the crazy nature of the other horse I picked out for Gord.  Although she was very beautiful, her beauty was quickly diminshed by her actions.  I don't remember disliking any horse I've ever met, however, after some time I quickly grew to _ _ _ _ Spider.  Her total disregard for anyone's safety but her own quickly turned this overly protective person into a loudly stating lady..."I need that horse gone now!"  And after some phone calls to the breeder I bought her from, a wonderful and pleasant swap was made, I behaved very nicley and was honest...speaking the truth in love. 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever end up feeling sorry for someone, be it animal or person, after you've seen them leave your yard, or your life?"

I do.  I did.  I went out singing to poor Spider in the morning.  "Guess who's leaving here today?  You are...you are.  Oh the do dah day."  I was so happy she was going.  I'm still happy she left.  However, when she sensed that something was up she wouldn't let me catch her.  So around and around the pen we went.  Remarkably I wasn't mad at her, I found it kind of funny.  She wasn't a stupid horse, just a pushy one.  I kept smiling for the entire 15 minutes while I let her run around me.  I may have been madder if I had to chase her but all I had to do was walk the little circle.  We all know I'd have turned crazy in a short time if I had to run...don't like running...period.  Spider finally realized I wasn't getting tired and she was exhausted so she stood still and let me catch her.  I gently put her halter on, trying to avoid her ears, she had some crazy issue with her ears and would throw her head in any direction to avoid your touching them, even if that meant her bashing your head with her hard horse skull.  Ouch! 

Once haltered and tied I brushed her and primped her for her return home.  She was patient and well behaved...a sure sign she knew nothing she could do would bother me.  She was leaving our life and I honestly beleived she would be happier back in her 100 acre forest, with the 100's of horsey friends she'd know from birth.  When the trailer pulled in with the new Silky, the replacement for Spider, I was elated.  We swapped horses.  I only felt a little sorry for her as she called out to Electric and Grundy, our other two horses.  They loved her.  Apparently horses don't mind pushy and selfish like I do...go figure. 

I breathed a sigh of relief as she left, no more worry about which one of my children or grandchildren she would hurt.  I could relax a bit when Zayin ran out to see his Grundo, his name for Grandmas horse.  I realized once again, thanks to Spider, that there are things in our lives that are toxic to us.  Things that need to go, and as difficult as it can be sometimes there are people that have the same effect on us.  Their toxins spill over and we don't realize until they are gone just how bad for us they were. 

I had put off trading Spider for months because she was so good to Gord.  They got along great, but...the day she bucked when he was slow to get his leg over the saddle and he had to jump to the ground beside me...that was it.  She'd now destroyed the only reason I'd kept her.  Gord wasn't hurt at all and he didn't even seem bothered by it, but I was done.  She'd now 100% confirmed that she was only concerned for herself, no one else mattered, not even Gord who she so favored.  It was the straw that broke my tolerance for her. 

The new horse, Silky, is wonderful.  She loves people, is gentle around everyone, comes to greet you, watches where the dogs, cats and most importantly children are.  She's great and reminds me of my last Arabian who would hurt herself before she'd hurt anything or anyone else.  Selfless.

Spider wanted to be in control of everything, wanted her way, looked after herself and couldn't care less who she hurt as long as she was safe and getting what she wanted.  She highlighted so clearly for me what I need to watch out for in my life.  She also highlighted what I don't like to see in myself or others.  Control at any cost.

I could make this post about my control issues, however, I want you to take what you will from it.  It spoke to me about what motivates us.  No matter how beautiful that horse was, and she is beautiful, her entire being changed for me because of her actions,  I couldn't see her beauty because she was too busy admiring heself.  Nothing uglier than the me first attitude in anything living.  Nothing more beautiful than the sacrifices we make to protect others.

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to always remember the price you paid for us, the greatest sacrifices always seem to be those we make for others."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Procrastination!!!!

I'm putting it off, avoiding it, sidetracking, diverting, distracting and a whole host of other wonderful words that blend so nicely with the word....PROCRASTINATION.  Oh dear.  I need to stop.  Even writing this blog is me finding something else to do to avoid what I don't want to do. 

Todays Question:  "What am I trying to avoid?"

Todays answer...finishing the editing on my book.  I've managed to put that off for quite some time. (Joanna you will know how long I've been avoiding this since you did the editing and suggested the changes...does that mean I can shift the blame....could it be your fault...please.)  I'm a sad case and an even more pitiful excuse of a writer. 

How does one motivate when the desire is lacking?  I know I've asked that question before but I still seem powerless to do what must be done, and yet...I know I'm the only one who can.  This applies to my weight struggle as well.  I have quit the excesses that caused a four pound gain, lost two and sit at almost a 14 pound loss since I started this process one year ago.  I can honestly say that procrastination is a serious problem for me in all areas where significant change is needed.  Why does a clean house motivate me and shedding unhealthy weight does not.  Why do I make my bed 98% of the time when no one sees it, but can't finish a book that has the potential to bless others and actually be seen/read?  Why don't I procrastinate when I want something from the fridge?  Can't seem to force myself to exercise although I fantasize about it often.  :)

The whys...they plaque me.  Perhaps they plaque you too, I hope.  Who wants to be alone with their inability to find the answers to the deeper issues in life.  Not I said the goose...not I.  So if you have answers please send them to me.  Please help me to motivate myself.  I'd say I'm in a rut but it appears to be a crater, I can see out but I can't get myself to climb, I keep looking at the dirt...what a procrastinator I am. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to help ourselves when we lack motivation.  Guide us to the freedom from the things that bind us in so many ways and remind us of how truly gifted we are.  And please don't let us waste our talents."  Amen!!!

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Turns Out a Fifty Two Year Old Can Tone

Today's Question:  WHO KNEW?

Not I said the goose.  I'm so surprised by my new found muscles, let me clarify that I'm not going to dawn a sleeveless dress without ensuring that my bat wings, also know as the moving flabby stuff under my arms, are close to my body.  There will be no flag waving for this chickie.  However, the movement since I've been riding my horse for almost three weeks in a row, only missed the couple of rainy days...due to rain...obviously...is considerably lessened.  I'll go with my arms are no longer jello, more like the movement on the water on a windy day, not gail force winds, but not gentle either. 

Also am happy to report that I've gotten a grip with this fruit and veggie fast, haven't dropped anymore weight but have not gained and I think my body is resetting once again.  Oh the returning sinner in me is so powerful at times, so glad God is greater and I do eventually awaken from my drunken stooper...ooops dunken...I meant dunken stooper...as in cookies dunked in tea. 

My mind does seem to be clearing and the fog I created with too much icecream cake is lifting.  I can now see how easy it is to let too muches...yep I said too muches...sneak in and overpower my often weakened mind.  I feel strong at night when I think about all I ate, I get so determined while I lay all cozy in my bed...after the feeding frenzies of course...and I'm positive I will start fresh in the morning.  I assure you that upon rising I do well until something happens, a temptation comes and I crash as fast as a car blowing all four tires doing 160 on the highway.  It happens in a second my freinds...everyone says that. 

Avoiding the crash seems impossible, however filling the tires, changing the tires and slowing down...can and often does prevent such an incident...and that is exactly what I must do.  I've noticed I have more crashes when I haven't filled my tire...as in spare one that circles my mid section.  I give in because I'm hungry...solution fill up on healthy things before going to Costco.  Change the tires...change my mind...stop think and get a new set of thoughts...don't dive hit.  Which leads nicely into.....................slow down.  The other thing I don't do when I'm chin deep in cake or chocolate mousse.  Slow down and enjoy what you have, taste it, enjoy it and end it when it stops being great.  I have got to learn to stop when the wow factor goes and the glutton kicks in. 

So...that's my morning mind...all over the place.  My morning prayer..."God help us to proceed with caution on this journey, be grateful for the many blessings we have... and let us not speed through and miss all that you have so wonderfully and carefully created for our pleasure."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Ooops...It's a Slippery Slop.

I've discovered that things can go well for weeks and then a birthday, or two or three, an anniversary and ta dah...toodle dee...I'm up five pounds, down two, up one, down three...for a gain of one more pound since last I wrote.  Oh the slippery slop that starts with some icecream cake, chocolate mousse, cookies, etc., and before you know it this lady who does not normally have a sweet tooth is eating things she easily said no thanks to before.  Weird!

Todays Question:  "Are you ever amazed by what a difference one good day makes?"

I was shocked when I stepped on the scale this morning and was three pounds down from the day before.  One good day of healthy eating, inspired by my beautiful daughter, yeilded a huge drop.  For the last week all the treats I ate kept the scale moving upward, I thought it would take at least three or four days to drop the excess.  Thankfully that was not the case.  I'm sure that my horseback riding almost every day for the last couple of weeks helped.  Moving does yeild it's own positive result, whether I like it or not I have to admit it makes a difference.

My confession!   I caved, I gave in, I was quitting, I was breaking my commitment, I was allowing food to be my god with a small "g" once again.  I felt to write several times and wouldn't...I was too embarrased to write when I knew I'd have to report 3 or 4 pound gains.  I didn't want you to know I was loosing control...once again...by my choice.  Today I'm feeling in control of myself again and so writing just makes sense...I can show you how together I am....yeah right. 

Delusion

a. The act or process of deluding.

b. The state of being deluded.
2. A false belief or opinion: labored under the delusion that success was at hand.

3. Psychiatry A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness: delusions of persecution.

And that my friends has been the perfection definition of me for the weeks that have past since I made the decision to stop blogging.  Unless I felt led of course.  You know I"m super spiritual so leading is the perfect excuse to not write. ;)  Since leading is so easily mixed with feeling I could successfully tell myself the nudges I got to write and be honest about the gains were mere feelings...since I felt strongly that I did not want to write I ignored the nudges most ardently.  And there you have it...the truth. 

So now what?  I'm spending the next week eating fruit and veggies to reset...on so many levels.  Tessa inspired me into action and it's good to have someone to reset with.  Two are truly better than one...in so many ways.  My plan is to write no less than once a week so no matter what the scale says I have to be accountable...I've learned that I don't do well without accountability, I've learned that before I realize but life seems to be a series of relearning lessons.  I'm hoping one day I'll actually get it.

My Prayer:  "Help us Lord to apply the things we learn to all aspects of our lives and gives us the wisdom to follow all that is true."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

It's Going Well...Thank God.

It been a week since my last post and to my surprise I have not gone crazy. Remarkable I know. I've been eating more healthy foods and less of them, both good. I've been exercising more in these last few days than I would have chosen too, but...and I do mean butt...which is sore, I'm liking the results. Not seeing it on the scale but feeling a strength in my muscles that I haven't felt for years. I've even allowed myself some treats, in moderation and usually when I know I'll be doing something to wear them off. I've surprised myself...I love the results of my work, not surprised I'm sore everywhere. It's hard for goodness sake...so hard.

Todays Question: "Do you ever gain appreciation for someone or something by going out and doing it yourself?"

The saying is true, "Walk a mile in my mocassions", until you do it you can't imagine what it's truly like. I've been a gutter installer this week, a labourer this week and a English rider in training. Three things I thought looked easy, three things I found very hard. Not killer hard like hauling concrete, but hard enough for this out of shape 52 year old. Shouldn't I be sitting in a rocking chair relaxing on the porch? I can tell you that almost every muscle in my body hurts, arms ache, neck and shoulders sore from holding back my 1200 lb horse, yeilding a hammer on the rip and tear of the barn, back is not sore even though I packed debris, lifted a metal scaffold multiple times and climbed that thing too many times to count. I think the climbing up and down the scaffold explains the sore fanny. ;)

My point, life is full of surprises. Sit down this is going to be hard for you to beleive and a little shocking. I liked it. Yep...liked being the gutter helper, liked ripping and tearing the barn up, liked English riding. Who knew? Not me that's for sure. This weekend was filled with hard physical work, from Friday to today, we are not quite done yet, but church first, then finishing touches. I'll be riding again which makes three days in a row, one hour and half rides. Amazing I can still sit or stand. So surprised by how hard it is to ride English, I've been a western rider all my life and I assure you it's way easier. I've been the cleaner for my handsome handyman, which I guess gives me labour experience, however, I've never been the assitant on major projects. I still cleaned, I can't help it, it's compulsive. Knowing when I look at the newly opened up stall for my horses, the gutter on the side of the barn, and my English stirrups, that I've done something new, and built something lasting makes me feel really proud. I've got skills I never knew I had. Yeehaw!!

It is remarkable what we can discover about ourselves when we try new things, dare to do what we've never done before no matter how big or how small they may be. I doubt I'll be jumping out of plane anytime soon, I've not yet lost connection with my head, if I do my handsome handyman will be the first to let you know, he's alwasy wanted to jump from a plane. Something wrong with that man, but I still love him.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to try new things, do things we've never done before and to always be surprised and amazed by the good things you have given us to enjoy in this beautiful place you prepared for us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Changing It Up

I have now decided, after my failed attempts to write everyday, that I will write when I feel inclined. Committing to write no less than a couple times a week will be a much more attainable goal. I hope. :)

Todays Question: "Do you resist change like I do and find yourself changing all the time?"

I hope so. I loved writing for the first year, missed blogging on the days I didn't. But now...I'm struggling to write and so I'm thinking that since I've changed, without realizing it once again, I guess I need to adjust. So instead of beating myself up for not writing more often, I will write as I feel led, and please know that I am not quitting this 51 pound journey. I will arrive and that blog post will be huge, since I'll be smaller. :)

I had been maintaing my 15 pound drop like a good soilder, I was getting a grip, but I've since learned that grips are unreliable. They come and go. Rude!!!! I'm a pound up. It may or may not have something to do with desserts, once again the sweet tooth I'm sure I don't have has been exposed at the root. Maybe I need to profess that I don't normally have a sweet tooth, that is true. I would much rather have a smorgasboard of breads than desserts, but chocolate mousse and cream cheese pumpkin muffins are wearing me down. Perhaps it's my medication for that exposed root. :)

I really don't want to quit, I really did mean it when I said I wasn't stopping until I lost 51 pounds. Now I'm concerned that my mind is weaving it's way around the goal and the committment like a spider weaves it's wonderous yet diabolical web.

Here are my most recent thoughts;

1. You've got years to lose this weight you set no timeline.
2. People get slimmer as they get older and apparently can't eat as much...wait it out.
3. You are going through menopause, nobody would blame you for emotional eating your hormones are wacked....(to say the least).
4. You are too angry to watch what you eat...(hormone related and sadly so true, I get so mad at objects these day. Ok, and sometimes my husband.)
5. It's toooooo hard and I'm toooooo old.
6. I look fine. (Too bad I don't feel fine...just heavy, in so many ways that have nothing to do with weight.)

You get my point I have a ton of excuses. Too bad they are not good enough for me.

So end result, changing how often I write but still committed, or should be. ;) Going to work at destroying the lies I tell myself, hitting them with the cold hard truth whether I like it or not,

My Prayer: "Lord....HELP...please."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Happy Day

The countdown ends, the day has arrived...tonight my daughter, her wonderful husband and the most adorable little Zayin come home. Ater 21 days of missing them, and the occassional moaning and groanings, I am still alive. Whew! That was close.

Todays Question: "Do you ever wonder how parents survive when their children live in foreign countries...permanently away from them?"

I do. I have that threat hanging over my head as that same daughter would love nothing more than to live full time in Italy. I'm grateful that for now, their plans are here in Edmonton.

I apologize for the "occasional" moanings I have done. I told you I love my kids second only too Jesus and my husband, so you should have known this would be a rough 21 days. Now...I have to wait for 12 hours and 35 mins for their plane to come in, I can make it.

I will be the happy blogger once again. I'll work harder now to write more often as I've lacked the inspiration I often get from my children surrounding me. I will focus, stop whining, stop complaining, etc. Wow, I need work and this may be hard. I have noticed that whining and complaining become normal after a time. They resemble the cravings I get for sugar once I cave in, I need it, want it, have to have it. This could be an interesting series of changes. I wonder if I'll go through whining/complaining withdrawal in the same ways I do sugar withdrawal.

I'll keep you posted. I'm still happily 15 pounds lighter and still getting a grip. Not perfect but much better. Truly this process is one of daily making the right choices. Sounds like life dosen't it?

My Prayer: "Lord help us all to survive the high and lows of life, equip us for every good work and remind us that we truly have so much to be grateful for. A heart of gratitude is such a beautiful thing."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Getting a Grip

Finally can say that I had a good day, wise choices, avoided the sweets, although Gord's chocolate bar nearly did me in. I chose the healthy bar from Costco instead. Result...back to a comfortable 15lbs lighter once again.

Todays Question: "Do you ever surprise yourself?"

I do...often. On Monday morning I was hit with a huge craving for chocolate. No surprise I gave in, Christan and I were happy girls eating our chocolate. However, when I made the decision to cave I made another decision...and that surprised me. Have the choclate bar(s), whatever, ride bike for no less than half an hour. We rode 6 miles. Yep, 40 minutes. Apparently for the young Ms. Miller, easy and slow, for the 52 year old Grandma, yikes, slow down you crazy woman. I felt so much better on so many levels. Happy I got the chocolate, happy I rode bike to make up for it, so pleased I didn't skip the bike ride, that wouldn't have surprised me I 'may' have done that in the past. :)

Yesterday was a busy day and when I got home I cooked supper, a leftover creation, danced, ate, danced. Who says you can't exercise while you cook, after you eat, etc? I'm going to make a serious effort for a change, I need to exercise to see results. I hate to admit it but those people who have been saying that for years appear to be right. Crap! Pardon my language.

I want to go to Hawaii after Christmas and I would love to be no less than 20 pounds lighter. I think that's a reasonable goal and I need to succeed. Feel free to motivate me, pray for me, give me a sound talking too should I be slipping, lectures are good too. I fear I may regret writing that.

My Prayer: "Lord help us make the hard changes in our life."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Good News

I can't weigh this morning, well I could but my husband is sleeping in on this wonderful Labour Day weekend and I just don't feel to wake him up. Since he labours so hard. :)

The good news title is meant to reflect how wonderful it was to go to a church that is 10 minutes away, realize while I'm sitting in it that it was the last place we went to church with all three of our kids, and love the Pastor's message. Biblically sound, funny, relative and God inspired. Wow! It looks like we have found our new church home at Ellerslie Road Baptist. I guess I got my degree from a Baptist Seminary for a reason.

Todays Question: "Am I the only one who struggles with trust?"

I know God will lead me but I'd like him to do it in my time. I also know that His timing is so much better than mine. I was beginning to doubt that we'd ever find the place for us, however, doubting Jenny has been silenced. Happily!!!

Applying trust to those slow moving answers to prayer, hopes for sold houses, seeing changes in self and others is hard. I keep hoping I'll wake up one day and be tired of food, only eat when I'm hungry, and just drop weight effortlessly, without exercise. What a dreamer!

Change is hard, but necessary. Change means I have to do something different. Change means I'm not 100% sure I'll recognize myself and I'm not always comfortable with that thought. Could be why I lack action.

Sometimes I wonder who I'll be if I change entirely, in all my areas of weakness. Somedays I doubt I'll ever change. You see the horrid cycle that spins like my washing machine in my brain. Oh what I'd do for a stop button.

My Prayer: "Lord help us all when we resist change. Remind us that being comfortable isn't always the best thing for us and help us to find those paths that lead to our healings, mentally, emotionally, physically and most especially spiritually."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

To God Be The Glory

Great things he has done. I love that song, I love it's truth.

It's Sunday my friends and I'm off to try a new church. It's been way too long since we've been and I'm leaving with hope. Maybe this will be the place for us.

Todays Question: "Do you think it's odd to want something and be afraid you won't find it at the same time?"

I don't! It would appear to be normal, and since I"m not normally found in the normal catergory I'm rejocing to be normal, at least for a moment. :)

So this is a short post to let you know that I'm going to continue to search for that place of worship that fits....and...I'm going to stay committed to all the important things, people, goals., etc in my life.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday, I'll let them be the reason I work to see things I need to change in new ways. The work continues whether the progress is slow or fast.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to never give up."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Dear!

I am lacking motivation and they say that motivation does not magically appear, you have to move to make it happen. I don't like what "they" say.
It would appear to be true though, since I'm writing and I don't feel like it.

Todays Question: "Do you feel like committment is a difficult thing at times?"

I do!!!! I'm trying to convince myself that I only committed to this process for one year, since a year has passed my mind tells I'm done with this. The problem, reading my own blog page intro line proves otherwise. "...not quitting until I'm done." I do remember writing other similar things. ;)

I have not dropped those two pounds, maybe it's the desserts I've been having, did I say maybe? It started on the 25th of August and has yet to end. I guess my birthday triggered my sweet tooth, you know the one I never thought I had. I'm clinging to my 15 pound loss and wondering why I've slipped back into those old habits I thought were gone.

I guess this 51 pound journey is going to be heavier than I thought. I need to refocus, recommit, redirect and close my mouth. I need to remember that this is what I want, these are my goals and my desires to live a healthier, more active life. I really do want to be the Grandma who does things with her grandchildren, I mean other than knitting and watching TV.

I need to concentrate on what I truly want, what's true, what's lovely and what's pure. All these lies swirling around in my mind that say; you can't do this, you'll never lose 51 pounds,or the worst one, you don't want too, need to be destroyed. I think it's time to clean house, sweep the cowwebs out of my brain and remember that this is what I want.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to press on when we feel pressed. Remind us that we can do all things with you. Nothing and no one, including ourselves is greater than You are. Help us to focus on the truth and reject the lies."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

One Year Today

So here it is...I wondered where I would be in one years time and I'm at 15 pounds down, it would be more but yesterday, as timing would have it, was counseling day, it started at 11am and ended at 10pm, which means I spent way too much time sitting on my butt, which means swelling that causes water retention and weight gain.

Todays Question: "So...what's changed?"

Me!!!

I no longer eat to fill voids, the majority of the time, I confess to still being a little bit of an emotional eater. After one year I stopped walking into my homes, either one, and going straight to the fridge. I don't pig out anymore. Shocking I know. I am surprised by how little food it takes to fill up on. I like being 15 pounds lighter and when I saw the button my daughter made for my 50th birthday party I was shocked. I think 7 of the pounds I dropped came right off my face. I'm surprised that I've kept the weight off for a year. That is not the norm I assure you. I like how I look!

I could come up with more things I like, more things that have changed but you get the point. I will add that for me the biggest changed has been scriptural. I'll explain. For years I had this verse on my fridge; "A person is a slave to whatever has mastered them." I was a slave to food, it ruled my life, consumed my every thought, while I was busy consuming it. Breakfast over, lunch coming, lunch done, what's for dinner, and what shall I snack on throughout the day? That was me. I still don't like to miss a meal, however food is no longer the highlight of my day. I can say no and it is my choice. For years it seemed like some outside force controlled me. I knew it was me but it was so much easier to blame that evil food devil. He made me eat too much, his super powers forced my mouth open and threw chocolate almonds, chips, etc., down my throat. Ok I chewed, but I was powerless. Horse pooh, bull pooh, what a liar.

We have got to confess our sin, got to face it, got to admit it and got to own it. Until we do...it's got us. Once we do, we can forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, take our power back and get over it. Move on.

And that is what this last year has highlighted for me...truth. The truth about who I am, what I give in to, how I act, react and what I do when I feel sorry for myself. Pitiful I know...however

"If God is for me, who can be against me?" And my friends I assure you, God is for you. God does want to help you, does want you to chose better, live better and be free. God is not ignoring you, He is waiting for you, patient with you, wanting you to make better choices for the overall well being of your....SELF!!!!

He truly wants to bless you...no matter what you struggle with.

I can get through any year, a lifetime for that matter, with the knowledge that God is for me. Thank you for walking with me this past year, your encouragment and faithfulness has blessed me...I pray you be blessed as well.

Have a Wonderful Day

My Prayer: "God please guide us and help us to get wisdom, to get understanding and to apply what we learn along the way."

Opinions Please

Since I seem to be struggling to write these days...have not done so for 2 days, and before that I was missing days as well, I'm wondering what you think.

Todays Question: "Should I write daily or three or four times a week?"

Don't want to bore you to tears with my constant babble, but have to agree with my good friend Christan when she says she likes when I write about things other than my weight, or what I'm eating. Not saying I won't write about that it is a weight loss journal, however, I do feel like I would write everyday if I could write about life in general, things I see others struggle with and struggles I have myself on a daily basis. That never gets boring. :)

I need the accountability of weighing everyday, like posting my little side bar comments, so I could do that daily and I'd still take a current picture to update from time to time to display my progress. Don't worry at this rate you won't be seeing too many pictures, although I will say that I saw a video of myself the other day from last summer and 17 pounds does make a big difference, hello fatty face.

I really have discovered over this past year that my struggle is with my mind, not eating as much has become so much easier and pigging out to the point of horrible discomfort is no longer something I do. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I seem to have discovered something amazing I hadn't known about before where food was concerned...self control. Wow...who knew?

The biggest victories for me have been the how I approach the all you can eat buffets, turns out you don't have to eat all you can eat. I no longer give in to entire treats, I can have a portion of something. Did you know you can actually eat half a chocolate bar. Weird hey? I now try to feel my feelings instead of stuff them and I am learning to love how look, regardless of the fact that I could still be lighter. Remarkable. Can you beleive it's only taken me a year to learn this stuff? I know, slow learner. :)

So, if you don't want to public post feel free to send me a private message, talk to me in person, or ignore me altogether...it's your call.
I would love to hear from some of you foreign readers, I'm always so amazed by how many people around the world take the time to read my ramblings. Thank you all for reading so faithfully, you truly bless me and I hope and pray something I say will help you with your journey.

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

(And tell me things you'd like me to write about...I'd love that too.)

Happy Birthday to Me

So 52 has shown itself and the title of my blog no longer fits, however, I think I'm going to continue as a now 52 year old who wants to lose 51 pounds. No way I'm adding another pound, I could be writing for 3 extra months to lose another pound at the rate I'm going. I am happy to be 17 pounds lighter at 52 as opposed to the increase in weight that I'd usually see from year to year.

Todays Question: "Do any of you remember trying to lose weight before you turned...whatever age?"

I did that for so many years. Saw myself as a failure when the day would come and I hadn't lost the weight. So silly! Now at 52 I look back and wonder if I've grown, improved or changed in significant ways that will change me as a person. Ways that are lasting and have a positive impact on the people around me. Ways that truly matter. Not saying that weight does not matter because I sure know it does, my quality of life has improved because I'm feeling better lighter. This now 52 year old body is not complaining as much as that 51 year old model did that's for sure. I know that dropping more weight will continue to improve my health. So I get the importance of taking care of my physical self, I'm just saying that when the marker for a years passing comes so should some questions. Am I a better, kinder more loving person? Have I changed in the areas where I know I need too? Have I made improvements or did I waste another year doing the same old things expecting some amazingly different result?

Life can force us to change or we can change ourselves, I'd really rather not face those or so hard lessons because I'm too stubborn to listen to the little nudges that speak to my need for improvement. I'd rather weed out my own flaws at a comfortable pace than have some circumstance rip them out by the root.

My advice for you beautifuls at 52...pull up your own weeds, attack those roots with the same force you dive into your birthday cake and presents. Look honestly at yourself, be loving, and then gently but aggressively change the unloveliness in your life. God is patient and He is kind, however, He loves us enough not to let us remain unchanged.

My Prayer: "May each year that passes Lord remind us of how faithful you are to work in us. Find us willing to change and to grow into the men/women you have created us to be. Things do happen beyond our control Lord and we trust You, help us to see when the things that are happening to us are caused by us and help us to grow."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Year

And Holding

It would appear that 17lbs down is now the new set point, I've noticed over these last 11 months (yes it's been that long) that my body seems to like sitting in one spot for a time. I'd say time in it's definition regarding changes on the scale runs about a month or two. I'm going to see if I can stir time up, I'd like to drop these last three pounds to see a 20lb drop in a year. That does not seem as pitiful as only 17lbs in what will soon be one year, not sure why.

Todays Question: "Are you ever happy about something and unhappy about it at the same time?"

That defines me lately, as in happy I'm 17lbs ligther, but wish it was more, as in love the farmhouse, miss my old house, as in miss my kids, but glad they are having fun in Austria, as in looking forward to my birthday and wondering how time flies where age is concerned and not when you are waiting for something else.

Life is a funny series of challenges, overwhelming joys and agonizing changes, life is full of surprises that can send you from elation to despair in moments...and still...I love life. I enjoy everyday regardless of how much I may whine, grumble or complain. I'm happy I have enough food to cut back on, happy I see the people I love struggle only to find they have more strength than they thought they did, including myself of course. I even enjoy aging. I know it's weird...but I keep believing that each year I've gotten at least a little wiser. Eternal optimist is the term I often use to describe myself...I truly beleive, "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes."

Today is counseling Tuesday and I'm glad I get to focus on someone other than myself today. I've been spending way too much time missing my babies and it's time to get some things done and be happy they are having so much fun. Refocus is a great word and an even better action. I'm going to rejoice with those who rejoice...whether I miss them or not. I'm going to embrace the sale of my old house as soon as that buyer shows up. I'm going to move forward in spite of this feeling I have to sit on my butt and resist these changes that are happening around me. I'm going to trust that God has gone ahead and prepared the way.

Why do I always seem to forget I live according to God's plan for me and not my own? His ways are truly so much better than mine.

My Prayer: "God please give us peace during the seasons of change and remind us that You always know what is best for us...regardless of whether it makes sense to us at the time or not. Thank you for the plans you have for all of us...it's good to know that you know, especially when we don't."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Seem to Be Stuck in Woe Mode

I'm trying to snap out of this state of the blahs but I have to admit...I suck at it. How pitiful, how ridiculous, how rude, how silly, how baby like, oh what a sally I am. I know I should be enjoying all this free time, when I say free I mean between packing, unpacking, getting a new kitty cause the stupid coyote or something got Poncho and Lefty., etc.

Today Question: "Why, why, why do the people you love have to go away?"

Sure glad I have people I love here with me or this would seriously be the worst 21 days (18 days left) of my life. I'm smiling, please don't take me too seriously I'm trying not too. :) I said that last statement because it reminded me of my baby Gordon, well he's not a baby anymore but he'll always be my baby. We had gone on a wonderful traveling adventure with my mom and dad who had come to visit us while we lived in Oakland, Maryland for a few months. Gord (my husband) was working in the States and we decided to join him and travel on the weekends, the work schedule gave him 3 day weekends for the majority of the time we lived there. So, off we went to see the sites and all was good, however, Canadians do not always remember American holidays and so all the little towns and roadside stops seemed to be closed. After many failed attempts to find a place to eat we finally found a place that looked open, they were and thank God the pumps were working, however, the restaurant was closed due to the holiday. My little Gordon had had enough and he proclaimed in his most disgusted voice that; "This is the worst day of my life." He was 6 at the time and provided the much needed laugh a long day of getting lost often requires. Lest someone gets hurt.

It's been a long time since I've felt so blah, I do know that the blahs come to everyone sooner or later, dosen't mean I have to like them. So I think I'll ignore them and stop singing this woe is me song. I have to regroup people, step it up, get back in the game, suck it up Princess, get over it. Can't beleive this person, when I say person I mean me, is a Counselor, can't beleive this person counsels others and can't seem to take her own advice. Someone should report me...I'm a hypocrite...I hate it when people don't practice what they preach. Oh dear!

Alright it's done, you've just read the last serious whining post I'll write, please note I said serious whining, not last whining post ever. :)

But we can hope...oh there is always hope.

My Prayer: "Oh God of amazing wonders and spectacular goodness to all, remind us of how remarkable it is to love, to miss people you love and to be reunited. Strengthen us until the day we are all reunited with you and our loved ones who've gone ahead. You are truly so good and the best comforter I've ever known."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Woe is Me

I'm so sorry I haven't written for a while. I've been in this state of, I know what's coming, bamm...it arrived. That would be the day (yesterday) my beautiful daughter, took her adorable son and wonderful husband to Austria, then Spain for 21 long, drug out, (did I say drug out, I meant to say I'll be drugged out) days...for a vacation. They are off to a wedding in a castle in Spain after a 10 day trollop over the hills in Austria. Nice for them...I was supposed to go too with my husband, sad story, house didn't sell, some repairs from flooding, and here I am at home whinning. Did I say whinning, I meant pining. They left yesterday, feels like they've been gone forever.

Todays Question: "Do you ever hear yourself complaining when you know you have so much to be grateful for?"

I do. My best friend Lucie brought me flowers, a London Fog and a new vase, she was here at the farmhouse less than an hour after I said goodbye. I wasn't allowed to go to the airport, Tessa mentioned something about crying too much and upsetting Zayin, he of course would want to stay and comfort Grandma. Whatever!!!! Chantel my wonderful daughter-in-law brought the most adorable Scarlett to visit Grandma last night. You see how blessed I am.

And still...I miss them so much. The meow meows, as Zayin called them went missing in the afternoon, hoped they'd come home. Met the neighbors in my search, but sadly no kitties and the coyotes abound outside the 4 acres of fenced safety. Silly kitties.

Yesterday seems to be a reflection of how complex and ever changing emotions are, perhaps I needed to be reminded of that. It is possible to feel so blessed and be sad at the same time. It is amazing to recognize how wonderful the people around you can be, and still miss the ones who think vacations should be part of life. I mean they should, but wouldn't it be nice if Grandma got to go on every vacation the grandkids went on. I seriously don't know how you people survive when your children live in other towns, never mind countries. It is still so hard for me to be away from my children and I'm certain it always will be. Add Grandkids to the mix and it feels like the ache from their absence magnified times a hundred. I didn't think it could.

The woe is me girl will be okay, I'll take one day at a time, counting down days, praying, crying when things remind me of them, everything does. And then it will be September 10 and I'll race to the airport early, look at my clock a million times and cry like a baby when I see those children of mine. I'm pitiful I know but I seriously pray:

"Lord help every mother and every father to see how truly amazing the gift of a child is. Let us rejoice and know that we are so blessed to have them, let us treat them like the treasures they are all the very long days of their lives, no matter how young or how old they are."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Weird...So Weird!

Here I sit in my new farmhouse, loving it, yep in spite of all the emotions I still have over the move, I feel good being here and it does feel right. Here is the weird...so weird, part. I do not walk into this house and start looking for food, I don't open the fridge door the minute I walk in, in fact I think the last time I opened the fridge was to get a drink of mineral water and that was it. This house does not seem to be about food.

Todays Question: "How did that happen and what's the difference?"

I need to figure that out. It would appear that food is slowly, I repeat, slowly taking the place it should in my life. It's no longer king of my universe, it is becoming fuel for my body, I still enjoy it, not giving it up, had french fries and chicken tenders at the movie last night with Christan, so don't panic, there is nothing wrong with me. I just seem to be finding the balance I've lacked for so many years and that is remarkable to me. I am still 17 lbs lighter and didn't even care when I went to step on the scale this morning. I knew I would be fine, regardless of what it said. Once again....WEIRD!!!

Digging a little deeper...it would appear that moving forward is good, letting go is hard, but also good. I am learning that change is good, even though it happens when nothing seems wrong. Weird! I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be so loved by so many people and to have so many freinds. I am enjoying this ride that is my life right now in spite of the hills and valleys. I'm not getting off...although I realize it may have looked like I was going to bail several times. I'm still in the boat, or did I dare to step out and walk on the water? ;)

My Prayer: "Lord help us to keep walking when we are tired of the journey, remind us that our final destination will clear up all the cobwebs that have formed in our minds. Teach us that it is better to take the journey one step at a time...trusting once again that you have gone ahead of us."

Life truly is a series of footsteps.

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

He Knows Me Well

There is a Psalm I love that speaks of how God is intimately acquainted with our ways, translation in my mind, He knows me well. In the past I've always read that Psalm and gotten those warm feelings of being known, all so very positive and tingly. This week I became aware of how knowing someone in an intimate way gives you the insight needed to do what's best for them, whether they (being me) like it or not. And that is what God did for me, (or do I mean to me) this week.

Todays Question: "Has life ever made you get off your butt and do the thing you've been avoiding? (Like the plaque or swatting off like the mosquito.)

Life moved me this week, forced me out of my comfort zone, threw me out of my own house and into my other farm house. It all seemed to happen around me, it was like I was in the game but I never signed up for it. This is not the first time God has done this to me, probably won't be the last either. How do I know it was God, because I had to move, I had to do it, I couldn't stop the ball. I hope you all know that when God moves the ball, you move and when you find yourself somewhere you've been avoiding and you're still okay...well my friends...I think those are the times when you've dropped the ball and God picks it up for you and rolls it along with you on it. And ta da...you end up where you belong. Shocked, baffled, in awe, amazed, stunned and grateful, but puzzled, wondering how that happened and why the ride didn't kill you.

It started with a call from Gord's parents saying they were coming for a visit. Then a going away party for a wonderful long time family friend, then a visit from my sister and her husband and the girls, then me feeling overwhelemed. I could feel it coming, I was speaking the words, we'll have to stay at the farm and let your parents stay in our room in town, was that me? Then I told my sister they could stay in the trailer at the farm, then I said yes to Dave, my sister's husband helping Gord move our bed. I'd missed it way too much to do without it for one more night at the farmhouse. Then it wouldn't go up the stairs...so they said, Connie and I sad yes that bed will go up the stairs, my prayer. "God if you want me in this farmhouse I need my bed to go up the stairs or I'm not supposed to live here." Bold and a little arrogant I know, but up the stairs that King Sized mattress went, it wasn't easy, but in five minutes it was in place. Okay maybe Connie and I were a little...let's just say right, you know how women love to be right when that means the husbands are wrong. Yes, I praised the Lord. Still clueless as to what was happening around me.

Yesterday Gord kept asking me to go to the house in town to get things, like my clothes, food from the fridge, you know silly stuff we needed, I wouldn't go. Too tired, too busy, I needed rest it was a busy weekend and I'm still coughing for crying out loud. All the company left and I needed to sit in this farmhouse. I think I was still trying to figure out how I got here. I don't have the address changed, I don't have the phone hooked up, no cable, none of the things done that people who are moving know to do. Do you think I think I wasn't moving? Yes...I think that's what I thought.

I finally went to the house in town after Gord had done the "majority of the things we needed move." I thought I'd walk in and fall apart, instead I packed things, it's official the jockey drawer has been emptied and all 75 pairs are at the farmhouse, once you move your undies people the rest is irrelevant. So now I'm happy, it feels right to be here, it's beautiful walking from room to room and seeing the most remarkable things out of evey window. Pastor Bob and Karen stopped by for a short visit and I was inspired to light candles, wash the floor, set up the temporary coffee and end table. I hung some pictures, when I say I...I mean Gord hung them where I pointed. :) He's amazing that man of mine and has done a remarkable job transforming this house into a thing of beauty. Pastor Bob said our upstairs reminded him of the Queens suite at the Hotel MacDonald and I had to agree. I snapped out of my stupor.

I have to tell you I still love how it feels to be in our other house, I still love it, and you know what...it's okay to leave a place without bad memories, it's okay to love where you've been on the way to where you are going...in fact...

My Prayer: is that..."You precious and awesome Father would always help us to embrace where we have been, knowing that everything you have prepared for us is good, regardless of how it feels to us as we move...in any direction. Thank you for knowing us intimately and for pushing gently when we resist...I truly know what it means now when I hear people say..."Resistance is futile." I also know how important it is to move when comfortable has set in."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Be Careful How you Pray.

So yesterday I said it was move in day, then the rain came, I was thinking God was giving me more time. Turns out, he was planning, you know going ahead of me and preparing my way. Something I prayed at the end of yesterday's blog. I was very happy to be getting a couple extra days, loved that while it rained I could cry and mourn and get over having to leave my beautiful city house. Then the phone rang.

Today's Question: "Who invented phones and why do we answer them?"

Plans changed for our company, Gord's mom and Ed are down for the annual summer visit, happy to see them, but wait...where are they going to sleep, we only have a single bed left at our city house. I thought about it, but decided it would be wrong. So sacrificed my big king sized, very comfy bed for them, it was the right thing to do, and left for the farm house at bed time and spent our first night in the guest room, in a queen sized bed. It was fun, I'm fine and I like being here. God is so pushy sometimes, but also so awesome. I mentioned I get comfortable and don't like to move, He planned, went ahead of me, prepared my way, answered my prayers, oh why? :) I wanted to stay two more rainy days but off we went. I could have slept on the couches in the living room. I can be that stubborn.

I liked the sound of rain this morning outside the open window, I wasn't bothered when Trixie woke me up barking, she's on patrol and it was short, slept well, love looking down the hall at my beautiful kitchen cupboards, love that I'm going to put on my rubber boots, go snuggle with kitties and feed my horses before I head back to the city house to visit our company. I'll take more pillows with me tonight, I had to sleep with only two, yikes, nomrally we have six in our bed, I missed them. It was the right answer to my prayers, the time had come and...

...the comfort girl got pushed to move, she went, she also learned that God remains as faithful as He always has been, great...great...great is His faithfulness my friends. He is new every morning and I love that, He is the same yesterday, today and forever, and I love that. He is gentle and His pushes are always good for me. Thank you so much Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

My Prayer: "May you be pushed gently when needed, secure in His love for you always and assured that His plans for you are always way better than your own."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

I'm off to slop the pigs, feed the chickens and rustle the cows...kidding.

Today is The Day

The plan is to move the bed from this house to the farmhouse tonight...so after some tears last night I finally went to sleep. Thinking it was the last night in this house I have loved for fifteen years was a little hard to swallow. It just wouldn't go down without those tears.

I have so many good memories and the only thing I can think of that's not so good is the fact that it's been a little slower to sell than I thought it would. However after last nights bawl...I'm thinking maybe it just wasn't going to sell until I was ready to make the decision to move. So glad I have a husband who waits patiently for me to move, and above all a God who is patient and knows me better than I know myself. I get comfortable in a place and then it is very difficult for me to beleive I'll ever be comfortable again if I leave it. I know that's not true, it's just a process I seem to have to go through. For example, I'm comfortable being fifteen pounds lighter, at 17lbs now and adjusting. Weird I know.

Todays Question: "Have you ever noticed that it's harder to walk away from anything that you truly love, I'm not talking about people but things?"

I know things, like houses cannot love you back, but...I really have felt so blessed in this home. Always felt safe, always felt like God gave us this home and truly will miss everything about it. Love...love...love that all three of my kids loved this home as well. I have lived in many houses and left many as well. Never once did I feel the way about those homes that I do about this one. Never regretted having to leave any. Was always happy to go, not unhappy in them, just felt like better things awaited. The problem is this house has always felt right and I guess I thought that would change when the farmhouse was finished. It hasn't!!!

I'm very happy to report that I love being in the farmhouse as well. It feels right too, and since I can't have both I had to make a choice. So I'm choosing to start the process tonight and will hopefully, if we can get our kingsize bed up the stairs, be sleeping at the farmhouse tonight. No tv, that should be good for us, no pictures up, not so good for me, things that can't be moved yet to keep this house staged for sale, will miss my chair, tons of clothes to move and things to set up...that's kind of exciting. :) I have hope restored...it's been lacking as of late.

I wonder when I'll figure out that I should just take those steps of faith needed to make changes when I'm not unhappy where I am. I wonder when I'll figure out that I don't have to become miserable in order to move, I can move before the misery sets it. I wonder about me on a very regular basis.

My Prayer: "God of wonders go ahead of us and prepare our way. If you do not, I do not want to go. Guide us by your Holy Spirit and lead us on those wonderful paths of righteousness and help us to make right choices on the way."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Secret Weapon Revealed

Well my friends turns out that I have found the secret weapon to weight loss and I'm going to share that secret with you. Coughing is an excellent form of exercise. According to my Chiropracter it works out the entire body with such force that it can rotate a hip. That's why I'm having a hard time walking...coughed my hip right out of place. Yikes!

Todays Question: "Did you know that coughing can also cause weight loss?"

I sure didn't, had I know I'd have gotten Bronchitis alot sooner. I am down another pound this morning. If I keep this up I could cough my way to 51 pound lighter in a month. Oh I hope this cough does not last that long. I know why you lose weight coughing...it's exhausting. I've never coughed so much in all my 51 years, counting when I had pnemonia five years ago. Wipes a person right out.

At least I'm seeing some results, that's the positive I'm sure. I haven't lost my appetite, no surprise, I'm not sure what it would take for me to lose my appetite, not sure I want to find out either.

I'm going to ignore how horrible I feel and do my very best to enjoy this new plan for weight loss. Cough, hack, sit up, say ouch, limp, remember my hips out from coughing, did I mention that I rode the ride on tractor and mowed a couple acres. Did I mention that I wrecked the blade...oh dear. People who are sick should not drive tractors with blades...oh and rocks, tree branches and dirt do not help tractor blades to stay in place. Ok...I didn't plan to hit the rock, just a little off balance these days. If you see my husband don't mention the big rock, he thinks it's the tractors fault. I love him.

My Prayer: "Lord help us to stay focused when so many things seem to blur our minds. Remind us of how truly blessed we are even on those difficult days that often come."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Cough, Limp, Wheeze

This mornings title is a very accurate description of me as of late. I'm hoping it does not last but seriously beginning to wonder. The limp is new, I had a bit of a sore hip on Sunday night, thought it was from sitting too much driving, Monday hurt a bit, Monday night...call a paramedic I'm in agony over here. Slight exageration I'm sure...but only slight. Ouch! This morning I'm limping and in pain every time I take a step...sitting doesn't hurt as bad, laying down is a crap shoot, sometimes it hurts sometimes it does not. It would appear that as 52 approaches with lightning speed so do the pains.

Todays Question: "Why would I have a sore hip, it's not like I overexerted myself exercising...ever?"

Add to that now painful hip my coughing, which only ads to that pain, the wheezing that has me sounding like Darth Vaders sister...Marth and the ache in my head from coughing too much, and I'm not sure I'll see 52. I do have bronchitis and a perscription so there is hope. I do also realize I'm not one of those people who likes to suffer in silence, ok maybe I whine. I was doing ok at the beginning of this sickness, hardly complaining at all, but as the weeks passed with no improvement and the infection set in...so began the whining. Gord had a very pitiful wheezing, ouching, coughing, hacking, sniffling and flitting wife to deal with last night. Sleep came but it took it's time, pain woke me up way too often, I didn't wake him up. I'm not heartless.

Good news, not much of an appetite, although I needed a chocolate bar to make me feel better and I'm sad to report...it did. I know it's not supposed to and I know I should feel guilty but I don't. I only ate half of it and it was just what the Dr. ordered. Well he didn't say take your pills with a chocolate bar, however if I'd have asked him I'm sure he would have. Seriously he heard the wheezing people.

Today, as you may know, is Tuesday...supposed to counsel, thinking about going in just to show my clients someone does have it worse than they do. Maybe not a good idea, I could hack out some advice or breathe like Darth to scare them, if I stand up and scream in pain I'm sure they'd see the value in having me counsel them...don't you agree? ;)

Looks like I'm calling in sick...sick is such a weak word. "I'm just calling to let you know I'm on my last legs so I won't be able to make it in today." Oh that won't work will it...can't hardly stand on that left leg. See what I mean...sick...ya right.

My Prayer: "Lord heal the sick, raise the dead and restore the whiny. Remind those people who may moan and groan like I do how truly blessed we are. Thank you for medicine and Dr.'s, thank you for restoration, and strengthen those brave souls who truly have so much sickness to deal with."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Long Weekend Without Gain

Remarkably I spent the last few days in Radium and I never gained a pound. It would seem like a miracle but it was actually all about saying...NO! I add that Lucie's excellent choices inspired me as well.

Todays Question: Can you beleive that two girlfriends went away for a weekend and it was not all about food?

We talked, we watched movies (without junk...proof it can be done), we shopped without buying anything (shocking), and we enjoyed each others company. Oh...we did buy a couple ice cream holders and no spill cups for the grandkids. We couldn't help it. Oops...also Lucie bought me a very nice bracelet and I bought me one too. But no clothes, no shoes, and believe it or not...no purses. :)

We had some wonderful conversations, stayed up too late and stayed in bed until we wanted to get out. No alarms controlling us, no work or home issues to deal with, no stress. It was great.

Best tip I can give you for eating less...hang out with your best friend in the mountains and concentrate on what really matters. We did share wonderful meals together but they never ate us...we ate them. It was a nice change.

This no gain is huge for me on many levels, long weekends away almost always involve eating too much, the 5th of August was a day I didn't try to stuff with food to forget...I just remembered my son and felt those missing him feelings...that was so much better and guilt free. So feel it, live it, enjoy it, savour it my freinds....and for goodness sake...don't eat it. You don't feel better after anyway so what's the point?

My Prayer: "Lord help us to keep growing, big steps or baby steps, lead us and teach us, we need wisdom and are so grateful You know all."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Just Breathe

I'll be a little unpredictable over the next couple of days with my writing, I'm in the beautiful mountains surrounding Radium having a long needed rest with my best friend. So we are being very well behaved girls, eating healthy, avoiding sugar and walking from store to store. Such sacrifices deserve recognition and praise. :)

Todays Question: "Have you ever noticed how what you are eating, doing, thinking, etc, does not seems so important when you are in the company of a wonderful person?"

I sure have. I've been blessed with great family, an amazing husband and the best friend(s) ever. Getting away is a wonderful reminder of how remarkable life can be. That pause...truly does refresh.

I'm going to enjoy every moment of this friend weekend and I'll post when I can. We are watching a chick flick, well I'm am, naps are part of any good weekend away, we are going for a birthday with another friend tonight, then we'll talk too much before we finally go to sleep, then we'll get up and start all over again.

What fun! What fun! What fun!

My Prayer: "May you be blessed with great friends, weekends away to rest/shop/eat out and do every wonderful thing with your friends and family you want."

Be Blessed with a Friend Filled Day.

So Pitiful Me

Last night I went to bed, after a very long and tiring day, long because the previous nights sleep was interupted by constant boughts of coughing, that would be my cold I'm referring too. So as a result we went to bed at 10pm, coughed a bit as I read a Psalm so my husband did the praying, when he was done he made a comment about my wheezing to which I replied; "I'm thankful I'm still alive enough to complain."

Todays Question: "Is that pitiful or what?"

Saying it made me smile, and know that I realize how very blessed I am. Also know that when it comes to being sick, I'm am a big baby. I still do my stuff, I get things done, but I do enjoy whining about my misery. And for the record, I hate being sick. And this past week has been a series of reminders from my body that 52 is fast approaching. I seriously have no problem with getting older, just would like my body to have no problems with it either. Rude the way it hurts, finds new things to be sore over and changes as I age. I like the pause part of 51, not a fan of that meno stuff. :)

I'm sure the anticipation that builds in me to the 5th day of August is a factor. This day marks 11 years for our Calvin with Jesus and once it arrives I do so much better than the weeks leading to it. God reminded me last night that; "precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." So remarkably, today I feel better, physcially and mentally. God is great at reminding me of all that I truly have to be thankful for. I am so glad I know where my son is, so glad I'll spend an eternity with him, I'll forget the years that seperated us the moment I see him again. So grateful...very grateful to such a great Saviour.

Today I'm going away for a few days with my best freind Lucie, we'll relax and eat out, moderately for both our health sakes, enjoy rest, conversation, some shopping (that's a no brainer), maybe a pedicure, massage, soaks in the Hot Springs, who knows, who cares. The thing about being with people you love is...it really does not matter what you are doing. It's just so good to be with them.

My Prayer: "Lord thank you for always being with us. What a difference you make in our lives. What a priveledge it is to be your children, help us never to lose sight of the fact that you NEVER lose sight of us."

I love you!

Be Blessed with A Wonderful Day

Those Little Victories

This morning I realized that not gaining weight after a long weekend has become the norm for me. Having said that I'm trusting it will not change, however, after meals out and a birthday party bbq with icecream cake, I'm happy to report I'm holding that 15lbs lighter securely. Yahoo!

Todays Question: "How often do you focus on what you've done right as opposed to what you've done wrong?"

For me, spent way too much time in the past thinking about my mistakes to see my successes. The thing I love most about the past....it's passed. :)

Planning not to do something is good, planning how much to do when you do it...also good. For example, knew that there would be lots of food at the bbq so planned to have a very small piece of birthday cake and enjoy it. Guilt free. Ate less at lunch according to plan. Didn't overeat at dinner, also planned. It's remarkable what you learn when you stay focused and plan not to zone out.

I have not been feeling that great and normally that would mean food for comfort....I'm sick. Wah wah wah! Sick I tell ya! It's just a cold, a cold sore mixed with crazy menopause, but hey even a stomach flu used to make me eat to feel better. I know how pitiful that is so don't remind me okay. :) Changes are happening, that's my point and the little victories are teaching me that I can change. It takes time and it is a slow process for me but I'm hoping that means it will be lasting. It would appear that an old dog can learn new tricks.

I am really just so happy to realize that I have succeeded at changing weekends into days off, instead of countdowns to Mondays starvation diet, to make up for what I consumed for three days. I counted Friday of course.

My Prayer: "Truly Lord we are works in progress, so grateful you never stop working in us. Please help us all to continue to completion no matter the goal."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day