Slow to Change

It would appear that my new vegan lifestyle, at least for 21 days, perhaps more...is yielding a rather slow change.  No meat, not sugar, no dairy, no bread and no change in my weight.  What the heck?  I'm really not surprised because I've been acquainted with this body of mine for 52 years.  I seem to just love to hold onto things..even fat.  Pitiful.  ;)

Todays Question:  "Do you always get the result you expect when you make changes?"

The best example I have of this has nothing to do with weight.  Years ago I was at a ladies dinner at our church.  We were having a time of sharing what we'd learned and I was expressing that when my son got sick I came to realize that my house being perfect, my clothes, my hair...etc., no longer seemed so important to me.  The things that consumed my day slid quickly from my mind and I focused on what had real value, my child....my family.  I was speaking for myself and referenced the story of Mary and Martha in the bible, I was chosing to do what mattered most, not neglecting those other things of course, but finding balance.  I was quickly attacked by one of the other ladies as she took her turn to share, she was certain I was making a reference to her.  I was shocked, and so were the other ladies at this dinner.  I was gracious but I assure you I was mad. 

Part Two:  Next day, in my bathtub reading my bible, time to pray.  God says; "Today I'm going to teach you what it means to be a peacemaker."  Okay?  I said.  "I want you to call the lady who offended you and tell her you are sorry."  I was not overly excited about that for the obvious reason...I didn't do anything wrong.  I was happy to point that out to God.  However, God wasn't changing His mind and so I agreed and made the call.  Afterall I was learning what it meant to be a peacemaker.  I quickly apologized once the lady answered the phone and she promptly told me that if I was having an issue I should ask for help.  I bit my tonque and agreed.  I'd made peace and I learned something very important, regardless of whether your actions yeild the result you think they will you should do all you can to do what's right.  I will not pretend that I felt different about her actions but I made peace and it was easier to continue to attend church with her because I obeyed.

The result I wanted then is similar to the one I want now.  I want to see change, I wanted that lady to admit she was wrong and I want my body to respond to my much healthier lighter eating.  No such luck on both counts.  I will to do what is best regardless of the results.

Some day this world, my body, people, myself, will all make sense.  I'm certain that when that day comes, I'll be present with the Lord...until then....I press on living and learning...sometimes the easy way and sometimes the hard way.  The main thing...."Get wisdom and gain understanding...it is the principle thing."

My Prayer:  Your Word instructs that if anyone lacks wisdom they should ask you God...so please give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that we may know you more.

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Remarkable!

Today begins day 5 of my 21 day fast and I have to tell you....I feel great.  I have a clearer mind, way more energy and I'm not being ruled by that horrible food monster anymore.  I have decreased my load by three pounds and I am once again...11lbs lighter.  Should I say hello again, where have you been or stick around this time?  It would appear I get to decide.

Todays Question:  "Why don't I stick with what I know works when it makes me feel so much better?"

I'm not starving, contrary to what I thought.  I'm not craving anything and I"m enjoying the things I get to eat and focusing on that.  It's way easier when you don't focus on what you can't have.  Duh! 

It has been a very hectic week filled with some sad changes for some wonderful people...my heart aches over the things we have to go through on this earth.  My heart yearns for heaven and the wonders it will hold.  I am so looking forward to eternal life.  I'm so glad that I have a sure hope and I feel very sorry for people who don't.  I find I'm thinking about what it must be like to be an Atheist, some comments made, an article I read, got my mind going.  Early this morning I lay thinking about who I'd rather be when it's time for my life on earth to pass.  Someone who has a future ahead of them and beleives there is more, or someone whose life is simply over, done.  Seemed a no brainer to me but I guess their life on earth means more to them than mine does to me.  No doubt the people I love have whole sections of my heart and I don't want to leave them before my time...however...I know one day my time will come.  And when it does knowing that I will be with the people I love again...gives me all the strength I need to keep going in either home.  Praise God.

I pray that today you will find your way through what may seem like a valley of struggles.  I ask that God give you the peace that goes past all that you can understand.  I ask that He will fill you with a measure of joy that is uncontainable as you consider all that He has prepared for you.  I ask that He remind you of what a treasure you are to Him.  Would that the eyes of your heart be opened wide enough to catch a glimpse of His unfailing and unconditional love for you.  He know you completely and loves you still.  I pray you know how blessed you are.  :)

Have a Very Remarkable Day!

"Out of the heart....

...the mouth speaks."  And that is one of my most favorite scriptures and one of my least favorite depending on how my mouth is speaking on any given day. 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever see someone whose heart is so easy to read it's inspiring?"

Yesterday I went to the farmer's market to get some vegetables, in preparation for my Daniel fast that starts Monday, Tessa and Zayin were with me and I was in charge of getting the stroller from the car.  I was a little pokey at my task so they were already inside waiting.  Working on my balance in the slush was a challenge but I was happy, the sun was shining. I was a little slow moving so I wasn't surprised when a man walked past me, I was surprised when he said.  "Hi."  No great statement, no amazingly new comment, nothing to write home about.  Just "Hi."  However, I could tell that this man, who was likely in his 40's, was by the worlds standards handicapped mentally.  His simple "Hi", was spoken again as I watched him passing a women heading out of the mall as we were making our way in.  She acknowledged him and then I dropped my shopping bag, I try to be a good recycler, I usually forget the bags in the car.  With my arm full of stroller and purse I did manage to pick up the bag, the woman was about to help me.  Inspired by my new friend, Mr. Hi man, no doubt.  I smiled at her and said, "Isn't it nice when someone is so friendly."  She looked puzzled at first but then realized I was talking about the man who said hi to both of us, she smiled and continued on her way.

I walked into the mall thinking that it's funny, in that sad way, that the world calls that man handicapped.  He said one word...HI...but that word was so packed full of genuine heart felt love toward his fellow human beings that it was tangible, I felt it go right through my rushed state and penetrate my heart.  I smiled at him and said hi right back, the lady coming from the mall responded to him but I couldn't hear it, she avoided eye contact and keep walking.  However, he impacted her I beleive, as she quickly bent down to help me get my shopping bag.  "Out of the heart the mouth speaks."  The power in one word when it comes from a heart so full of love amazed me yesterday and it is still amazing me today.

How do I get to the place where my heart is filled with so much love for the people around me that they feel it?  Whether I say one word or twenty....how indeed?

My Prayer:  "Lord create in all of us hearts so beautiful we inspire others.  Forgive us for using our words to hurt, remind us that we can use them to heal and the result are so much greater.  Let our hearts speak love remembering how unconditional and amazing your love is for us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Third Try

This is now my third attempt to write this morning, I'm up a couple pounds, not loving that but not surprised at all.  I've been eating like a crazy woman over the last few weeks, wasn't sure why.  Now I'm realizing I have another very significant day coming, my Calvin would be 29 on the 3rd of Febuary.  The closer we get to the day the worse I seem to be getting.  Add the water issues we are having at the farm right now into the mix and you have one very grumpy, grizzly bear woman who is missing her longs baths with her bible and her prayer time.  It would appear that I'm a person who needs to pray at least twice a day just so I can be a nice girl.  I'm not liking myself right now and truly....that's not "like" me.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever hear yourself speaking and know you are being a jerk but continue?"

I do.  I have more why questions in my head right now than I care to deal with and the answers that I don't have are bothering me so much more than the ones I do.  There is an inner churning in me that I can't define.  I'm on the edge all the time and I'm not sure why.  Grumpy, negative...so not like me, okay the grumpy happens a little more than it used too but I'm menopausal people.  Still great at excuses though.  :) 

I find myself wanting to find out that I'm not the only one who feels this way and then I feel bad for hoping that someone else is feeling this turmoil.  Weird.  I seem to be looking to move and to be moved, and yet I'm not moving and things around me are not either.  So....natural response, get up, get moving, do something.  Inward desire, God move...please.

Answer, my battle with the physical is failing, the battles for my soul, defeated.  Thanks Jesus.  I need to find peace again, that peace that surpasses understanding.  I'm looking for a physical change with mental changes, I need a renewed spirit and the physical will line up.  I've been wandering, aimlessly lately, looking for the places where I can see, sense, and experience God moving.  I'm not finding them and yet I know that He is always moving and working on our behalf.  Perhaps I'm eating to fill a spiritual void, looking for something good enough to leave me satisfied.  Maybe satisfaction is a dangerous thing.  Maybe hunger for the things of God is a good thing and the problem I'm having is with my greed for pleasure.  Instantly! "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength."  I love that verse, and yet I don't like waiting, I've got way too much to do.  I need to get this weight off, my house sold, my things moved, my patients helped, my family cared for and loved.....etc.  When I have the time to wait I fill it with silly things that will never satisfy for any length of time.  I readily admit that so many things are good time fillers, and fun, and entertaining, no denial here.  However, if I had to define how I've been feeling lately I could do it with one word...EMPTY.

 I need to redfine the word as something positive
                             E - ternally
                            M - inded
                             P - raising
                             T - rusting
                             Y - ou   (as in Lord)

It would appear that once again, the world and it's messages had me wanting all that it's selling.
Perfect body, perfect house, perfect family, perfect husband, perfect decorations, perfect clothes, perfect people in my life...and of course I should have all these things because I deserve them.  Right?

Let's just ignore the fact that I'm imperfect shall we.  So now what?  I don't know.  I have yet to find the answer but I'm closer than I was when I started writing.  I know what I'm looking for now and it has nothing to do with the physical me, I've forgotton what I have...."and you shall have power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you."  The power within me is greater than me, so much more than me, and so willing to move in me.  I shall have power and I shall remember that...it is already mine...Praise God!!!!

My Prayer:  "Lord thank you for giving us the Holy Spirit, our need for guidance, truth, comfort, and a constant companion/counsellor is great...you met the need before we'd asked."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Resistance is Futile

I started out on my no sugar, no junk food quest with a vengenance, I'm now realizing that a good start does not mean a good finish....SO?

Todays Question:  "Do you ever start out thinking...this is it and end up thinking...this is so not it?"

I've done that so many times I cannot count them anymore so I've decided to join in my missionary friends  Daniel fast that starts Monday.  I seriously need something to kick start me back on that road that leads to success.  I would really like to be fifty one pounds lighter by the very first day of September, 2012.  The "they sayers" say that you have to set goals, and I'm more of a nay sayer in that area, when it comes to weight droppings.  I have successfully set and completed goals in past, I can do this.

My wonderful husband purchased a HD DVD player for me, weeks ago, that was my excuse for not using the half dozen exercise videos I bought myself for Christmas.  Seriously, I had nothing to play them on or I would have worked out every day.  So now that I have this machine you may be wondering how many times I've worked out to these videos over the weeks.  I assure you I"ve thought about it everyday since getting the machine, however, actual work out time is one half hour...exercised once, as in one day, one time...yep once.  I told you before I was a regular Jane Fonda, that means I'm not the real deal, just a regular actress, as in I keep acting like I'm a workout expert.  Apparently having the necessary equipment and a mass of videos does not a Janey make.

Let me tell what I own, a rebounder, I was going to bounce myself to skinny.  A treadmill, walking to slim town.  A 6 pack of weights, my muscles were going to eat up fat.  Two yoga/pilates floor mats, stretching to the heavens so I'd be taller and look skinnier.  Two floor balls, rolling the fat off.  One Eliptical Trainer, works the entire body so I'd be smaller in the proper proportions.  (Please note my fat is evenly packed...thank God.)  My Inversion Machine, planning to hang upside down until the only thing fat on me is my head.  So far I've go the fat head thing down.  :)  

The thing about tools, you have to use them.  My resistance to this process has been successful...I'm hoping that my resistance will become futile.  I need to give in to the process and end this battle.

My Prayer:  "Lord you have said that the horse is made ready for battle but our victory is found in You, please help us to overcome the battles."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Hum.

The results are not in, I"m wavering, depending on how I stand on the scale, between 10 and 11lbs lighter.  Having mostly good days with the say no to sugar plan...I said mostly, the oatmeal cookie and a piece I ate yesterday counted.  In honesty that first one was half gone before I remembered I wasn't eating sugar, can't justify the second part try as I may...and I'm trying really hard. Who knows how the two little chocolates jumped into my mouth.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever eat something not really realizing what you are doing?"

I do this often, blindly eating away and then my brain switches on and I go, "What the heck?"  It's like I've gone into the eating zone and like a good robot, hand to mouth, hand to mouth, hand to mouth.  I could go on and I assure you...I do!

How does one avoid the blank states that seem to easily find their way into a day?  I think if I could answer that question I'd be the next big diet guru to hit the best sellers list.  However, since I'm not a fan of the guru I'll just have to assume it's self-hypnosis.  If I don't know what I'm doing I'm not guilty.  Right?

I have been working hard to do more exercise, for example, got Gord to set up my exercise bike, forgot cord, went and got cord, haven't ridden bike.  Got Gord to set up my new inversion table, have been using it almost every day.  Went to Costco and bought new HD DVD player so I could do yoga, a week and a half ago...got Gord to set up new player, used it once.  Have been feeding the horses myself every day, two bales of hay spread out all over the place, they weight 70-80lbs each.  That's really work.  And last but certainly not least, went shopping bought 5 or 6 new exercise videos, watched one.  Oh Lord help me.

Sounds like Gord should be exhausted, I"m frankly tired from watchng him.  I wonder how that man who is 9 years older than me has 90 times the energy.  Oy it's work tring to figure this all out.  Are you beginning to see why I'm working so hard?

Please don't take me seriously...God knows I don't.  I am happy with my little changes, I'm also trusting they will become more than good intentions for the most part and hit the reality world I live in.

My Prayer:  "Be strengthened in your inward being with a knowlegde that change is possible if effort is added and God is always present to help."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Sunday Mornings

I love Sunday mornings, especially when I'm the only one up and the house is quiet.  I have to sneak out of the bedroom so I don't wake my sleeping husband, tip toe down the stairs and do every thing on stealth mode, a challenge in the dark, I don't like turning lights on unless I have to.  I make my way to my favorite spot on the couch after turning on the Christmas tree lights, open up my laptop and begin the journey that is always a mystery to me.  Will I write, read status updates, play a game or go searching for something completely different.  Such adventure.  I'm going to miss the tree lights when I finally take them down and I'm going to have to buy softer lighting, the light from a Christmas tree is so gentle.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever put off taking down your decorations because you love how they look?"

I struggle to put them away every year.  This year I'm going slower  because I was so pokey getting them up.  The new house needed two new trees to make up for my 12' tree that no longer fits, I missed my cathedral ceiling for the first time this year.  However, the farmhouse decorated is a thing of beauty and every decoration I had looks completely different.  The ones I bought last year when they were 75% off fit this house perfectly as well, it's like it was meant to be.  :)

The snow we have had in abundance, over the last couple days, has turned this farmhouse into a winter wonderland and I have to tell you...it is stunning.  Not fun to drive in, but so beautiful to look at.  I love the contrast that is winter.  Looks beautiful on the trees and in the fields but is so ugly to drive or work in.  I'm so glad I'm not in the snow removal industry.  I'm sure I'd lose some of my love for snow.  Equally as glad that we have a tractor to move the snow that comes in such huge drifts that you need hip waders to walk through it.  Good thing we have four doors out of this house or we would actually be snowed in.  That wouldn't be all bad.

This winter so far has been a series of unusually warm days and intensely cold ones and now...snowy blizzard days.  I think I like winter so much because it is a picture of what we can be like, beautiful and warm sometimes, ice cold and miserable at others.  I still love the warmth that only a good furnace or fireplace can bring, reminds me that I too should bring warmth to the people I love.  I must learn to keep my ice cold stares and freezing remarks to myself.  I need to work harder to get the drifts out of my life, purcharse warmer clothes, as opposed to storing body fat to stay warm, and drive my life with as much attention to detail as I do my car in these conditions. 

My Prayer:  "Lord let the warmth of your unconditional love carry us all through the blizzards and storms a life can bring.  Remind us that we..."can do all things through Christ who gives us strength."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

It's Working!

I'm so glad to report that I am now down two pounds.  Once again I've returned to the double digits and posting, but not boasting, a staggering 11 lb drop.  Ha.  I know it's pitiful but it is so much better than up, I also know I really have a distaste for having to relighten this load repeatedly.  I think when I'm truly tired of the taste this pattern leaves in my mind...I'll knock it off. 

I must say I'm enjoying the method, eating only foods that are God made is working, saying fairwell to sugary sweets and junk hasn't been that hard at all.  Shocking!

Todays Question:  "Do you ever wonder why we are such creatures of habit?"

I am surprised by how often I have to learn the same lessons.  I guess I'm not really learning them.  Doh!

We have been having some water issues at the farm, we have lots of water, but our normally wonderful non- smelling water has decided that it should resemble the smell of either a sulfer plant or a backed up sewer that has been untreated.  I can't drink it, even what comes from the distiller, I can't stand bathing in it so I have avoided that like the plaque.  I apologize for that, I am doubling up on perfume and deodarant to compensate, don't panic I've only been able to avoid bathing for one day so far.  ;)   I've become a hoser, as in I hose off as quick as possible and get out.  We've had it tested, the water that is, and it's safe.  Ha.  High in calcium, botanticals and some other things I can't remember or pronounce.  "It's fine to use.", said the water man, "Bull pooh.", said I, no wait that's just what it smells like.  I double bleached my sheets, and quad-Bounced them, in an attempt to mask the smell.  Gord says, "I can't smell anything."  Jenny says, "Ahhhhhhhhh the stink!", as she burries her head in her duvet trying to avoid the smell.  No one with a nose as sensitive as mine should have to deal with smelly water.  I keep running it at random intervals hoping I'll some how wash away it's smell by over use.  Oh me oh my!

I find myself wishing that weight gain had a horrible smell.  I'm sure that if it did people like me, hyper sensitive nosers, would never gain another pound.  I'd be so motivated these 40 lbs I have left would be gone in 60 days, I wanted to say 60 seconds but I'm trying to realistic. 

So...since wishes are not horses, this beggar shall not be riding.  I am however planning to buy a wonderful machine that filters all the smell and icky poohs out of my water, in mere hours the ordors and imperfections shall be gone. I know that for me that will not happen until I stand face to face with Jesus, and then all my odors and imperfections shall be gone in an instant.  Oh what a glorious day that shall be.

My Prayer:   "Help us to keep the motivations of our hearts and our attitudes from stinking Lord."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Cooked Yesterday

Today's title may seem like a big deal to some of you fabulous and daily cookers, for me it was the first supper I've made since the New Year that was an actual prepared from scratch meal.  Sad I know my friends but painfully true.  I'm truly not a fan of cooking, until I get started and then I enjoy it, once tasted I can honestly say I like my own cooking.  Not bragging just stating the facts since you all know I don't eat what I don't like it's really a no brainer.  :)

Today's Question:  "Does the monotony of some tasks ever just wear you out?"

For example, the laundry that never ends, the dishes that always have to be washed, the counters wiped a zillion times, the ironing, the cooking, the watching what you eat, the endless lists like this one.  Oh and since I'm writing as I lay in bed, the bed I have to make every morning lest some stranger comes to look at the water system and comes up stairs, because my husband thinks this whole house should be seen by everyone.  What's up with that?

I wish I could tell you I'm tired of the day in day out exercising that I've done for years, we all know that's a fat lie.  I do enjoy hanging upside down on my new inversion table, if I ignore the pull on my ankles from the weight they hold, I truly do feel so weightless when I'm hanging.  I also enjoy bed stretches, so far I'm not tired of that.  I'm a regular Jane Fonda.

I've been thinking about weighing since before I started to write but I'm tired of the monotony of that as well.   Up down, up down, I'm just staying off today and I may leave my bed unmade.  Unless the tour guide shows up with another contractor of course, then I'll race upstairs in my pj's to perfect the room like I did two mornings ago.  And since I cooked yesterday, and that was the first for 2011, I'm not due to cook again until the 14th of January.  So far the monotony of someone elses cooking hasn't bothered me a bit.  Good news!

I know that in the midst of my monotony I'm so blessed to have all these modern conveniences, please allow me a little grumble, I do love having a car, a house, appliances, etc., I'm just anxiously awaiting the invention of the servant robot.  That's all.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord I never get tired of You, the people I love, this beautiful world You made for us and kindness.  Help us all to be loving, see our beauty and enjoy the many gifts You have given."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

I Plan to...?

I think I'm avoiding a plan. It may well be my New Year's Resolution and I'm not normally a fan of those.  I beleive they encourage discouragement and sorry for repeating myself, I'm not a fan.  However, when you see something that works and you know that it could work for you perhaps resolving to give it a try wouldn't be such a bad idea.  So...

Today's Question:  "Are you ever surprised by the simple things that make a huge difference in a life?"

Our beautiful daughter-in-law Chantel is a very petite girl, I was shopping with her yesterday and she got two pairs of jeans...I hope your sitting, size 0.  Is that a number?  Does it mean 0 fat?  Chantel is the only person I know who wears a size 0.  I was also with my beautiful niece Amy, size 1, I was just adjusting to the 0 and I was hit with two people in one store whose size was a single digit.  What the heck?  My point before I got sidetracked, Chantel decided a couple months ago that see needed to lose weight, maybe she was a size .5 at the time.  She wanted to get rid of her baby weight. (I've carried mine for 29 years.) Chantel has the most beautiful little girl named Scarlett Lee who is seven months old.  Grandma moment.  :)   She simply quit eating sugar and made healthy choices picking foods that are God made over man made.  Not the first person to do that, just the first person I've paid attention to who did it.  Two months later she has lost all her baby weight plus.  She's a very self-motivated young woman who gets the Nike slogan completely...."Just Do It."

And so this is my plan, I'm going to follow that tiny daughter-in-law of mine and eat what God made, avoid sugar and junk, she treats herself from time to time, I have to follow that.  I have no delusions of being a size 0 however I have the potential to reach a combined size of Amy and Chantel which would be 10.  A realistic goal.  I'm resolving not to resolve my friends I'm just going to plan to do it. 

It's been a long time since I've written, felt to many times and didn't, sorry about that on so many levels.  I have not ballooned to an all time high, I am still down 9 pounds and grateful.  I know that it could have been much worse as years have shown me exactly how much weight a person can gain over the holidays.  A couple pounds for me is...almost a miracle on 56street.    The Christmas carols may be over but I'm still rejoicing.

I have also moved my exercise bike from the city house to the farm house, I plan to use it!  Shocking.  I got a wonderful inversion table from Chantel and Gordon for Christmas, I'm going to hang upside down and see if I can get my weight from my belly to my head.  If I seem a little big headed in a month or so make no comments, just look at my skinny ankles.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord help me, and all those who like me, need your direction and guidance to overcome in the areas we struggle.  Remind us that if you are for us Lord, who can be against us?  Help us not to come against oursevles."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

(And a very Happy New Year taken one day at a time.)