It's Not What you Think

I didn't write yesterday because I just never found the time.  Not saying I didn't have it, just saying I didn't find it.  I'm thinking that is a much nicer way of saying I was too lazy to write and I felt uninspired after the day before yesterdays brutal honesty.  I may start a fan club, "I love Big Underwear", I'll bet you thongers I'd have millions of fans in no time.  :)

For those of you who may of thought I didn't write because I gained weight, I'm happy to report that I did not.  I'm safely 15 pounds lighter and it feels good.  Seems a silly thing that 2 pounds should make a difference but it does.  I'll bet my horse noticed and is at least as grateful I am. 

Todays Question:  "Have you ever felt like a small weight loss is huge and a huge weight loss is not?"

If so, you will understand how I'm feeling today.  For some reason I cannot explain I feel so much lighter than the scale says I should.  I'm not complaining.  This morning I felt something unusual as I tried to find room in my bed to get comfy.  (Small but adorable child in Grandmas bed.)  I put my hand on my stomach and to my surprise I didn't feel fat.  That's the norm I assure you.  I had to check twice but a good two inches before I found that fat laying beside me, there was something I call flat.  That seems a miracle to me, truly.  I did not think I had a flat place on my stomach, okay that's because I didn't.  It would appear that most of the 15 pounds has come off my belly.  I'm shouting praise the Lord.  Maybe that's why I'm feeling so light this morning. 

Whatever the reason after 7 months and many ups and downs, I'm happy I made the decision to blog and commit to the process.  Not saying it's been easy, some of you may remember the ramblings of a pitiful and whinny woman, I'm just saying I'm starting to feel the part.

Today I'm inspired by a small portion of flat on a normally abundantly supplied belly of fat.  Don't be thinking it's gone, it's well stored I assure you.  It is however shrinking and that is motivation to press on if I've ever felt it.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord when we don't see what we know we should remind us that perseverance always yields results."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Big Underwear

So...yesterday was Tuesday, that's counseling day for me.  I got ready in the morning, like I always do.  I reached into my top drawer, I keep the delicates in that one.  I grabbed a pair of undies that I knew were extra large. I know they are not sexy...they are comfy.  I tried on those jeans Tessa loves that cover a little more than half of my butt.  Let's keep in mind that I'm not a fan of exposing flesh so big underwear is the solution.  However, I could not stand the thought of sitting for hours in those jeans so I changed into some higher ones.  Problem...my underwear still came up over those jeans, now that made me snicker, but who will see...no one...my shirt is longer so it's all good. 

Todays Question:  "Did you know that you feel better in big underwear?"

I've heard all the experts say that sexy undies make you feel amazing and I say...hogwash!  Big underwear makes you feel secure.  Why?  Well I have the answer.  Before I sit for hours I make a stop at the ladies room.  I did what all women do in that room, stood up and proceeded to do up.  I didn't mention that my shirt choice was a pretty lime green tank, with a nice black top on top...that layered look.  It matters, trust me.  I have buttoned up but I'm feeling like my tank top has been tucked in and that's driving me crazy.  I have some slight clusterphobia issues.  So I think I'm pulling my tank top up out of my jeans only to discover that I am yarding my big underwear up.  Now I have a forward wedge...I wiggle a bit but once I know what's happened I'm not that bothered.  I pull down the tank top, adjust the shirt, hand wash, blow dry and I'm headed up the stairs to act professional.  I'm climbing and I'm noticing that my huge underwear is sitting about two inches under my bra.  Now maybe that should bother me but I'm thinking, man do I feel slim.  Everything is secure and held in place.  So ladies, the next time you see six pairs of Jockeys for $5.00 at the cheap store in Invermere, you should buy them.  Don't wear them everyday, but when you need to feel slim and secure, you pull those babies out and then tell me big underwear isn't the answer.  I can assure you, no thong has ever made me feel secure or slim.  Women my size don't need string, they need some serious cotton with a band of elastic playing...hold on to what you got.  :)

What does that have to do with weight loss, everything my freinds it's about how you feel.  And laughing at yourself is good medicine.  Even after counseling day I'm still 15 pounds lighter. 

I'll wear my regulars today, but I think on counseling day I'll stick with my big underwear.  I need to feel secure and held together.

My Prayer:  "Thank you Lord that you hold us, guide and keep us.  I rejoice in your amazing ability to counsel us as we counsel others and I'm so glad that you have given us laughter...it is good for the bones."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Lacking Wisdom - Asking God

Every Tuesday I have this overwhelming sense that I lack wisdom, so every Tuesday I ask God to guide me and give me wisdom.  It's counseling day for me and that means I will sit across from someone who is struggling.  I will be expected to shed light, to impart wisdom that will help them in their struggle, to give answers to questions that are hard and painful, and then send them on their way with a sense of hope that they can overcome and make the necessary changes to live a more peaceful and happy life.  No pressure though.  Now you know why I ask God.  Okay I beg God, but whatever.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever feel like God called the wrong person?"

Sometimes I do.  I know He never makes mistakes but I continue to be baffled by the things He leads me to do.  I was shocked when he called me to go back to school to get the training to counsel, I'm certain He knew that I wasn't an honor role kinda girl.  I was a do as much as you have to and then get the heck out, kinda girl.  I'm sure I'd have quit high school if it wasn't for my mom.  She, in her wisdom, told all six of us we could quit school anytime we wanted.  Sweet!  She added; "And you can move out the next day."  I knew that she wasn't kidding, we all did, we all graduated.   I spent the first semester of Seminary working very hard to get great marks and worrying about everything, the first test I wrote nearly killed me.  Next to no sleep and a sick feeling in my stomach the whole time.  The next couple were not any better...but...I got used to tests, used to papers and used to school.  I continued to do well, but I learned to relax and trust that I wasn't quite as daft as I thought I was.  I knew growing up I could do better I just didn't want too.  The fact that my husband was willing to pay for my education and that he believed I'd do very well, inspired me.  I am very grateful that I have him and I remain grateful to him.

What was my greatest lesson in 3 years?   I learned that chosing something is so much better than having to do it.  That is of course not all I learned in those three years, however, that was huge for me.  I like making my own choices and I even like what I learn when I make stupid ones. There truly is a lesson in everything we go through if we are willing to search it out.   I also learned that the more you study the more ridiculous it is.  Every person sees things from their own perspective, I'm no different.  Accepting those differences are key to a more peaceful life.

The title of this blog reflects perfectly the state of mind I seem to live in.  I lack wisdom and I ask God.  I have no idea what anyone truly needs to go forward.  I can't comprehend their pain, even if I've been through a similar situation, I can empathize, but I don't know how they felt.  I need God.  I share my life, I look to bring light into their situation and God in His faithfulness to them, uses me and I feel so blessed.  I amazed that God is always willing to help us, in spite of what we've done or thought.  I'm baffled by this grace that covers so many of my wrongs.  I'm shocked...yep shocked...that He is willing to use someone like me to help anyone.  I know what He's working with. 

My Prayer:  "Help us all Lord to remember that you take the weakest vessels and use them in remarkable ways.  Let us use the wisdom we receive to help others and remind us always that...."All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."  Especially things that make no sense at the time.  :)

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

Full Plate

This week is going to be one of those full plate weeks.  Did you think I was talking about food?  I did and I'm writing this blog so you'd think I'd know where I was headed.  I have so much to do this week, we are listing the house so that means work, work and then some more work to ready this house inside and out.  The fencers will be fencing at the farmhouse for the next two days, my hope is that they finish today.  If they don't the next two days will involve horse checks on a regular basis, for two days instead of one.  I have a furniture delivery to get ready for today at the farmhouse...dining room table comes in...Yay!!!!  Throw in some counseling appointments, a ton of cleaning at both houses and I'm thinking, can I skip the main course and move onto dessert please.

Todays Question:  "Have you ever wished  a week was over before it started?"

I want the results of this week and am so looking forward to having everything ready and done.  I'm starting to want to move, that's a huge step for me because it is hard to let go of this house.  Thankfully the fear is gone and now I'm acknowledging that maybe having two houses isn't such a good thing.  I am wearing out as I run from one place to the other, the cleaning two houses isn't all it's cracked up to be let me tell you, let's not mention double bills.  I'm also looking forward to being able to go out my back door to the barn to feed horses, instead of having to get dressed, go feed etc., drive home and then get ready for the day.  It's a little much after a week, can't imagine how it would feel after months.  Hopefully I won't get to find out.

I am so grateful that I have had lots of time to mentally prepare for this move.  I needed to gradually work my way into this huge lifestyle change.  I see that it is blending perfectly with my decision to make a lifestyle change in the area of my hugeness.  :)   I'm not one for believing in coincidences, I see God's hand in everything I do.  His gentle leading has blessed me beyond measure in this process of change.  I'm so grateful for God's timing, it's truly amazing and He really moves at a pace that is perfect for the individual.  I had no idea it would take me months to get comfortable with the decision I made to move.  Trust me Gord cannot be blamed for this one.  It was all me.  He was happy to go along with me and he loves the farmhouse and was ready to live there without the rennos.  Can you imagine?  As soon as the decision was made and the farm was bought my fear of change kicked into overdrive.  It was intense.  I even asked Gord to give me permission to sell it after the rennos were done because I struggled so much with the thoughts of moving, in so many ways.  He did, as you may remember, and then I felt better.  Now I can happily report that I want this change, I still get pangs of sadness as I think about leaving this beautiful house full of memories, but now I'm looking forward to new memories.  My children have so helped me with this, whether they know it or not, their excitement and love for the farmhouse has drawn me forward.  They continue to remind me, by their desire to be with us in both houses that home is truly where my family is.

My plate is full this week, my heart is fuller.  I have so much, and it's not about new houses or old, new horses or new things.  I have amazing children who want to be with me, a husband who loves me so much and works so hard to build me a home I'll be happy in, and we are blessed with wonderful friends.  I think the greater lesson for me this morning is that love is and always has been what fills my heart and makes me feel at home.  Whether my children are on earth, or in heaven, they fill my heart.  Wherever I go and no matter what I'm doing I know that I am loved.  What a blessing that is to me.

My Prayer:  "Lord thank you for giving us all people who truly love us and want to be with us.  Thank you for the reminder this morning that love fills the heart and makes any house a home." 

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

I Get Why God Rested

I find myself wearing out, wondering where a weekend goes, amazed that my life seems to have gone into overdrive and although I'm holding the wheel I don't seem to be driving.  I know that I make the choices to go do the things that must be done, I just can't believe how much needs to be done.  I feel like I'm at Disneyland on a rollar coaster and I'm screaming, "Stop the ride I want to get off!!!", but nobody is listening.  I wish I had someone to blame, other than myself, but I'm the ninny who wanted to buy a farmhouse, have horses, renno, etc. 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever wonder why some things seem like such good ideas...at the time?"

It sounds so cool to say we are doing a renno on a 1932 farmhouse.  Oh I feel like a regular Sarah Richardson when I say that, I even have the amazing assistants whose design skills are fabulous, thanks Tessa and Lucie.  I also have a handsome carpenter, and I don't have to dream he's mine cause this one is...thanks Gord.  I get to be the carpenters assistant, not all it's cracked up to be, however I do like the end result of all that painting and cleaning.  The more we do, the more we think we need to do.  Sounds like a lifestyle change doesn't it. 

This process of redesigning the farmhouse resembles, in more ways than I care to admit, the process of shedding fifty one pounds.  The foundation is solid, the exterior is good, the inside needs some major adjustments.  If you think I made a mistake when I said the exterior is good, I didn't.  My weight loss is not an exterior problem, it's all interior my friends.  We see the outside and think it's the problem, rest assured the fat is on the inside, the mental issues that make you hold that fat are the problem.  Food goes into the body, exercise is an inward thing, you cannot clearly see those muscles moving, you can certainly feel them once you start moving.  Your brain has to send signals for everything you do, you know it's happening but you don't see it.  Fat is and always will be an interior job.  Once conquered you will see the exterior result.  That is why I keep doing my job at the farm and that is why I keep making better choices to eat right and move more, I really don't like the word exercise.  Reminds me of exorcism, I'll let you decide why.  :)

The need for rest is strong today, I may have to have a Sunday nap, no trips to the mall, the hardware store, the furniture store, Home Sense or Winners today.  My beautiful daughter and her handsome husband are cooking dinner for us tonight and that is very nice, I'll ride my horse bareback this afternoon, since I've discovered I like that better, and then I'm going to sit lots and get rested.  I love Sundays. 

My Prayer:  "Help us all to remember that we need to rest, You set apart a day for us to refresh, restore, rebuild and regroup, and I'm so glad You did.  I think sometimes we forget that and then one day blends into another, remind us that Your command to rest was a gift for our benefit.  I'm so glad you know what we need, help us to listen."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

You People Were Right.

It turns out that the exercisers of the world, like Shannon, Jenn and Wendy, were right.  I am back down to a 15 pound loss and this morning the scale has nearly closed the gap on that 16th pound.  I dare not report it officially though since my policy is to only count the fully on the line pounds.  Thank you ladies for your comments they encourage me and teach me.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever doubt the things that people with experience say because you are too busy looking through your own lense?"

Guilty!  I read what was posted, knew it must be right, but just couldn't accept it as a fact....for me.  I thought my body was somehow unique, a bit of a rebel, a non-conformist, refusing to let go of weight whether it was the density of my muscle or the blubbery nature of my fat.  Turns out, my body is like everyone elses but my mind has regular visits to the land of delusion.  It's a nice place where you can hold onto any silly thought you like.  That visit had me teetering on the edge of I quit I did my best, and it's not fair my body won't change...so I'm done.  I was feeling, once again, that overwhelming desire to just let the world know that poor Jenny Mernickle cannot lose the weight because she has tried so hard for 7 months and ....sniff....sniff...sniff...it's just not working.  I only cheat when I cheat, I've only lost 15 pounds, I'm only wearing pants I haven't worn for years, all my jackets fit better, even my shoes are looser, my face isn't so fat and I don't care that I'm not eating everything in site.  Did I just say that? 

What is happening to me?

This morning I have new found hope, thanks to my bodies willingness to drop a pound plus when I needed it the most.  Turns out life is fair sometimes and because I didn't quit, didn't eat to drown my sorrows, fought the urge to throw in the towel, I feel stronger.  Yep, all the whinning and grumbling turned into something positive.  Huh?  I'll explain.  Sometimes, I'm learning, you just have to vent, say what's truly on your mind, without hurting other people I add, and go with the grumble.  Let the garbage in your brain flow out of your mouth.  What's the benefit?  You hear how absolutely foolish you sound, realize you are just looking for an excuse to quit and then as my beautiful daughter would say you.."Suck it up princess."  Get over it, deal with it, keep moving forward, press on, don't be a quitter, remember you are doing this for yourself, etc. 

Turns out I like excuses, I need to pay attention to that.  I want some reason, other than me, to blame my failings on.  A mirror is a great thing, it shows us who we truly are, not just the size of us, or the beauty we see, or the beauty we don't think we see.  A mirror, whether it's in your hand or in your mind is an effective tool for inward looks.  Who are you?  What do you want for yourself?  How do others see you?  How do you want them to see you?  All questions I needed to ask myself.  The answers are up to me, they are up to you.  What do you want to reflect and how long do you want your reflection to last?

My Prayer:  "Help us to reflect your glory Lord and to never forget that we are created in your image.  Let us be a true reflection of unconditional love and let your perfect love for us cast out our fears.  Even those fears we have of becoming all that we are meant to be."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Not Getting It

I'm trying to understand the concept that muscle weighs more than fat and I have to tell you that I'm just not getting it.  If I'm moving twice as much am I now turning fat into muscles?  Those nay sayers say it isn't so, so why on earth am I getting way more exercise and seeing no changes.  I've haven't been this active in years.  Maybe my brain finds exercise so foreign that it rejects it.  Maybe I'm the only person in the world whose body thinks exercise is food and stores it to fat, I knew I didn't have any muscle.  Now that makes sense in my head.
Todays Question:  "Have you ever come up with utterly ridiculous thoughts to explain absolutely ridiculous results?"

I'll bet you have if you are a weight watcher, and all of us are to greater or lesser degrees.  I was warned that after 40 it was much harder to get extra weight off.  My momma told me it happened to her and she wanted me to know it could happen to me too.  I had no idea how right a mother could be....I do now.  I eat half as much as I used too and weight considerably more...I was going to say twice as much but thankfully that is not the case.  Whew!

I think my biggest struggle is with the injustice of it all.  I'm a person who loves things to be fair, I like everyone to be treated well, I like effort to yield a result.  I do not like it at all when those things do not happen.  I didn't gain any weight for the record...don't want you to think I'm trying to justify gain.  I am 14 pounds lighter still, that 15th pound is losing it's grip.  I am merely trying to understand something that may not have an explanation.  I thought that if I ate less, let's remember I only eat one sugar treat on Sunday, exercised more,  I even danced last night, as if riding three horses, walking and hauling water were not enough, I would see some results.  I got my horse on Saturday, but the work started Friday, so tomorrow will be one week of accelerated activity...yes I sweat...I have not lost a pound as a result of that work.  I did drop those two pounds when I gave up the sugar but apparently all the work I did caused me to gain one back. ##%%^$####^##%^&*))*&***!!@!!  Forgive the language...remember I not getting this and not understanding something does not sit well with a person who is highly analytical.  

I'm not going to quit, although I have to tell you my history longs to repeat itself.  I'm going to keep moving, I'll be feeding three horses soon, exercising them and me as a result, brushing them, cleaning up after them etc.  Let's see if there is any truth to this do more and weigh less theory.  So far I'm not too impressed with the data gathered...I am happy to have maintained and not gained the 10-15 pounds I've dropped since I started this process.  I'll press on...even though I feel like my patience is being tested.  No surprise to any of you by now that I'm not that patient, looks like I'm being forced to practice it.  Yikes!

My Prayer:  "Lord, help!!!"

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day. 

I am still smiling and know that I have much to be grateful for my friends.   :)

Exercise Balls

I have two.  They are so much fun, I don't like the work part but rolling back and forth over them is such a great way to release the tension that builds in the middle of the back, especially when you sit too much.  I need to go do that.  Were you thinking I had?  I told you I often lie in bed thinking about exercise.  This time I added to my thoughts that if I wanted to avoid the swelling I get every Wednesday morning from sitting all day Tuesday...counselling day, I should sit on a exercise ball.  I'm up a pound and I wish I could completely blame the 3 hours session I had, but honestly, I think it was the Thai food for lunch and Mikado (Japenese) for dinner.  Both healthy but way too good...so someone made me eat too much.  There is a serious overeater living inside of me just screaming to get out.  I can ignore her most of the time, yesterday she was loud and obnoxious, she had to be fed.

Todays Question:  "Do you have a hard time saying no to exceptionally good food?"

I sure do.  It's not hard to say no thanks to more average potatoes or average meat.  It's so hard to say no to curry chicken in cream sauce.  Did you know that the creamy sesame sauce at Mikado has no sugar?  See my friends...life isn't always unfair. 

I'm driving to Lloydminster today to look at a couple of horses.  I'm going to be sitting for hours, that means more swelling. I'm also going to avoid cream sauces today.  I'm not going to beat myself for having them yesterday, I needed something to give me that full feeling.  I think that when you empty yourself physically, mentally or emotionally you go looking for that feeling without realizing it...until it's over and your up a pound.  I forget, and maybe you do to, that when the tank is empty something is going to have to fill it, especially when you have to keep going.  I'm not sure how long it's going to take me to realize that there are better things that I can do.  I knew that I wanted to unwind so I told my son-in-law Dave that I was going to skip the Thai cookiing class and go watch my beautiful horse run around in circles.  I did that, the problem was that my handsome husband was in town so we decided to have dinner first.  He told me he was parked outside of Mikado, he knows I love that food.  Sweet man with a weak wife.  I did something that remotely resembled a protest and then said I'll be there soon order me this.  I knew it was too much for one day, my plan was to find something light to eat and go work with my horse.  I got it half right. 

The quiet time helped me more than the food...shocking I know.  Watching Grundy move, being outside with a beautiful gentle breeze blowing, feeling the sun on my face and letting all the stuff go filled me.  I was better, stronger and once again at peace. 

My Prayer:   "Help us Lord to look to you, to find things that will bring us peace, remember you are in control, leave the stresses at your doorstep and step over them on our way out, knowing that you can and always will handle them for us."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

I Was Too Mad

I'm sorry I didn't write yesterday, I knew that if I did it would be the horrible ramblings of a woman gone mad.  And when I say gone mad...I mean...I was so mad.  I had a great weekend, a very busy one, but it was productive to say the least.  I worked very hard to ready everything for my new horse.  Once he came I worked even harder.  No time for huge meals, no time to cheat, a ton of exercise, I sweated....seriously...I worked hard.  Not complaining because I enjoyed it.  Made a decision Saturday night that I'm off the demon sugar every day except on Sunday.  To show you that I made a wise decision I added this rule, only one item with sugar in it.  So I made an excellent choice...one large chocolate dipped cone from the DQ.  Oh let me tell you...it was good.

Todays Question:  "Why was I so mad?"

Well, I'm glad you asked.  I was 100% certain that after making good choices all weekend, only allowing myself one sugar treat and getting a ton of exercise, I'd lose weight.  I was actually excited to weigh because I could feel muscles I hadn't felt in years.  To my absolute horror that scale said I gained 5 pounds.  I was fuming.  I could not beleive it so I sat on my bed recalling the weekend.  I no longer have feeding frenzies on the weekends like I used to, in fact I don't change things at all with the exception of Gord making me breakfast both mornings.  I ate one sugar treat but balanced that with two pieces of homemade, whole wheat chicken, feta pizza for supper.  No crazy high calorie dinners out, it was a normal weekend except I did a ton of exercise...okay there is nothing normal about that.  I wanted to throw that scale, I wanted to scream at someone...oh thank you Tessa for listening to your mommy fume and for telling me I probably retained water...you were right.  Those five pounds are gone this morning and I'm back to my 15 pounds lighter. 

Let the record state...I'm still mad at that scale.  I do not understand how you can gain so much weight in one day, freak out when you see those 5 extra pounds and then go back in 15 minutes, weigh again and be 3 pounds lighter.  I didn't stand different, hold the towel bar...well not for long...I let go, drink water...oh I did tinkle, but rest assured I had already done that 15 mins prior...so what the heck?  How can you sweat so much and retain water, raking out a stall makes you sweat.  Brushing a muddy horse makes you sweat and hauling water across the 4 acre yard makes you sweat.  Pardon me for saying but if piddle makes you lighter why doesn't sweating.  Tessa said I might have weighed more because I was building muscle.  Hello...I told her I'd be sitting on my butt in my chair if that was going to happen.  I'm just being honest here, if I have to weigh more to be in shape...it's over.  Muscle weighs more than fat...oh I'll have a pound of fat please sir..if it's lighter, I call that a no-brainer.  I am a results girl people.

I know I'm pitiful...just in case you were thinking it but didn't say it.  I also know that if I had eaten like a...well since it's on my mind...horse, then I would deserve to gain weight and you know from past blogs that I"m not too proud to post my failings.  I tell you I'm always crying out for justice...until I get it and then I'm just crying.  Sad but true.

I'm better now, only half as mad, it does help to tell someone. :)

My Prayer:  "God help us to trust in what we know instead of what we see.  Faith truly is the evidence of things hoped for and not seen.  Thanks for the reminder."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

The Easy Route

I am so happy to report that I got my beautiful black Friesian horsey yesterday.  I'm even happier to report that he is the sweetest thing on four legs.  So gentle, so not bothered by the dog...Trixie...who has that; let's herd the beast, mentality.  Grundy (my horse) just ignores her.  Looks at her like he's trying to figure out if she has problem.  He looked at me the same way when I put some stinky oil on one of his rather dry hooves.  I'd have been okay with that but then he walked off snorting and I had to walk around the pasture trying to get the other three feet done.  I'm no dummy, I put a lead on him and held him in place for the final three.  Please do not ask the obvious question.

"Why didnt' you do it right in the first place?"  And that is "Todays Question:"

I know that this is a question that comes up so often in every life.  I don't even really have to ask it to the know the answer.  We all seem to struggle to do it right the first time.  We are looking for the easier route to a task.  In my fifty plus years I should know that there is no easier route to some jobs.  Oh I can surface clean my house and get the desired look, easier true, but if someone opens a cupboard and everything falls out, I'm left wondering why I didn't just do it right the first time.  I'm sure you can come up with a ton of examples of times that you took the "easy route."  It seems to work in miles, but not in life. 

It's Sunday morning and I find myself thinking of people who want the easy route to God.  I assure you it is simple....Jesus!  No other way in my opinion, not trying to offend just stating the facts as I know them, I tried several easier routes in my search for the facts.  Nothing and no-one gave me the peace that I lacked, no mind-control method, no make your own way, just live a good life, be nice and you'll be fine, nothing...I mean nothing filled the void.  When I surrendered my life to God, accepted my failings, received the grace He extended to me through His son, I was the happiest girl in the world.  And then that easy route, my accepting Christ, became the hardest thing I ever did.  It's no small task my friends to die to self, not easy to learn to trust God when the winds blowing around your head are gale force.  Even harder when your friends and family think you've gone off your rocker and become that horrible, scary, religious relative.  You know the one everyone avoids.  Yep, cost me friends and family relationships.  And I assure you, without attitude, that it was worth it on every count.

I'm not saying you should be happy when certain friends or family members avoid you, talk about you behind your back etc.,  I'm just saying it truly does not matter in the long run.  No family member, try as they might, was as close to me as Jesus was when my Calvin got sick and then went home.  No one gets me, loves me, fills me and enables me to keep going like Jesus does.  I was sad when those relationships changed and I was judged harshly because those people thought I was judging them harshly.  It's funny, in that sad way, that people make your acknowledging a desperate need for peace with God, about them. 

Easy routes never seem to be exactly what they appear, it has not be easy to drop the fifty one pounds it took me years to put on.  Once again I want the easy answer to undo years of work, it does not exist in any world on any topic, in any struggle. I wish it did...oh...and then I'm glad it doesn't.  Isn't life exciting.

My Prayer:  God give us the wisdom to take the road less traveled, simply because the lessons learned on that road will carry us through a lifetime.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Walk In Closets

Yesterday was banking day, normal for the most part until the bank Manager stopped to say hi and ask me how our rennos were going.  I replied very well, he asked what we had done, I told him.  Then he asked if we also gutted the upstairs, I assurred him that we had because I did not like those scarey little closets.  He said, "Awww...good places to hide all that stuff in."  And I said, "They are walk in now, not hiding anything anymore."  He chuckled, I chuckled...blah...blah...blah.  Small talk over, don't get me wrong, he's a very nice man, happens to be the Mayor of Beaumont as well.

Todays Question:  "What is in your closet, regardless of it's size or shape, is it a walk in or do the hiding places abound?"

It's funny how someone talks to you about something, you answer, thinking it's just idle chitter, and then you wake up thinking about it's deeper meaning.  Okay maybe I'm just weird like that and maybe Gord is right...I'm highly analytical.  Whatever, the point is that once I started thinking about how much I hated those closets with all the hiding places, I realized how much I love big open closets that hide nothing.  Then I realized that is a reflection of my life and how I prefer things to be out in the open.  My life is seriously like a huge walk in closet, my closest friends will tell you that is true, my children will agree, however, they may not like it so much.  My clients find out quickly that I'm not the kind of Counselor that sits and makes you feel like a loser, I let you know I"m one too.  You get so much more accomplished when you are honest with yourself and others.  I've preached my life, taught my life and shared my life, while living it of course.  I find that telling the truth is liberating.  Don't get me wrong, there are things that are between my husband and I, my children and I and my friends and I, you will find me to be a trusted confidant and I think we all should be faithful with confidences.  I just find such release in not caring about the mistakes of my past, those that were self-imposed and those that were emposed upon me.  And for the record, I keep making mistakes, I guess I'm just making sure I never run out of things to share.  :)

I love that after becoming a Christian I no longer cared to hide things.  It seems that when Jesus opened my heart He also opened up my life.  All my errors were to be shared, all the things that happened to me were to serve a greater purpose, helping others.  Large scale or one on one, our lives are meant to be shared. I was hiding in a small and dark little closet for too many years, now I have a huge walk in closet, no bedroom can contain it and there is always room for others.  This blog is a reflection of that closet, nothing to hide, I'm overweight, I can be a jerk, I can be hard to live with, I've made huge mistakes, I've done things and had things done to me that I'm not proud of.  But know this...

Romans 8:

1-3. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.

And...if God does not condemn me then I'm telling you friends I'm not doing it either.  Keeping a small closest with lots of hiding places will never set you free from your past.  Opening up those doors, exposing what's hidden, always liberates and always frees you up to be who you are now meant to be.  Remember, you are not what you did.  I love that truth. 

My Prayer:  Lord help us all to rejoice in our past knowing that it has wonderful potential for the future.  We can be changed and then we can help others to change as well by being honest about who we were and sometimes still are.  Thank you Lord that we are not condemned.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Nice Changes

It's good when something that always happens..does not happen.  That is what I call a nice change.  Weighed this morning after spending the majority of the day sitting, counseling day, hospital visit and then sat in my chair because I was too mentally exhausted to do much of anythings else.  I did go to the farmhouse and help Gord lift something, fed the birds and came home.  The result of this mornings weigh in is the nice change.  I'm still down 15 pounds, no change is a change this morning because usually after a full day of sitting I swell and I gain.  I have the swelling though so tomorrow could yield another nice change.

Todays Question:  "Do you like changes?"

For the most part people usually answer no, I hear often when I counsel that change is hard, I can't change, he/she won't change, I'm afraid to change and the number one answer to that question....I hate change.  I have been guilty of saying or thinking all of the above.  I looked out my window as I typed todays question, and my mind instantly noted; the weather needs to change.  Turns out I do like change and I'll bet you do too.  In fact I would bet that every single person you know likes and embraces change more than they do anything else in a day.  And you know what else?  I'll bet that just like me, up until right now, they never once thought about how many changes every human being copes with in a day. Yep, those same humans who say they hate change, like me, never realized what a significant part change has in every life.  How the heck did I miss that?

Most women need to change their hair on a regular basis, men don't seem to care.  Men need to change the channel 50 times just in case they are missing something, women like to see what's on before they make the change.  Women change clothes every single day, most hating to wear the same thing twice, my husband would wear the same shirt two days in a row if I'd let him.  I change my mind about the things I want to do all the time and I assure you I don't mind the change.  We pray for the weather to change, actions to change, health to change, finances to change, jobs to change, and hopefully from time to time, ourselves to change.  And yet, ask anyone if they like change and they say no.  Weird!!!

I think I need to make another change and maybe after reading this you do to.  From now on if anyone asks me if I like change I'm changing my answer..."I love change, in fact I'm praying for it now." 

I understand the serenity prayer more today than I ever have.  "God, grant me the serenity....

To accept the things I cannot change;


The courage to change the things that I can;


And the wisdom to know the difference."

 
Boy has it ever taken me a long time to get that prayer. 

 
Be blessed with a Wonderful Day...full of change.

Cracker Jacks

I'm having one of those days where I don't feel like doing anything but playing games on facebook, I know it's lame but it relaxes me, and sitting.  And I haven't even gotten out of bed yet.  Well I got up to weigh, still happily 15 pounds lighter. 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever feel like you have nothing worthwhile to contribute?"

Thats me today.  Not feeling inspired to write, tried to avoid it once with a failed attempt at going back to sleep after Gord left at 6am.  I dont' even have the energy to go back to sleep.  That is pitiful. 

Do you remember Cracker Jacks?  I woke up thinking about them this morning, hungry maybe, but I remember as a child not being to fond of the popcorn or nuts, but used my small allowance money to buy them so I could get that cheap prize at the bottom of the box.  I used to make myself finish the popcorn to get to the bottom, I didn't like dumping it out and making a mess.  Note to my children, my cleaning disorder started early.  The prizes were better then than they are now, but seriously, I sacrificed Hickory Sticks or Old Dutch BBQ pototoe chips for that stupid toy.  My allowance was 25 cents, that bought me 20 mojo's, 1 coke and either one bag of chips, Hickory Sticks or a box of Cracker Jacks.  You'd be lucky now to get 4 mojos for 25 cents, I got 20 for 5 cents.  Not all change is good...or maybe it is. 

I think that today's message for me is that this day does not feel like it's starting out well, I'm tired, uninspired, lacking energy and wanting to stay in bed.  The sun is not shining, I'm at least hoping for rain so I'm not totally hopeless.  It's counseling day so that means I have to got out, I want to stay in.  The message, today is my Cracker Jack day, not my favorite but I have a feeling there will be a prize at the end.  So I'm going to get up, get moving and see what this day brings forth. 

I'll let you know what I find at the bottom of the box...so to speak.

My Prayer:  "Lord this is the day you have made, let us all rejoice and be glad in it.  We know not what this day will bring forth but we certainly know who holds the day...guide us Lord as only you can...to the prize."  

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

This IS a Test

The decision is made, I'm seeing results and now I've decided that I'm going to test the theory that sugar is from the devil.  So far the case for sugar is not looking good, the evidence against it is mounting.  Sometimes you just have to stare into the face of evil and resist.  Yesterday's evil was the DQ icecream cake Chantel and Gordon bought for dessert, thanks....and thanks.  I did not give in to that cake, insisted it leave my house and felt like a regular TV Evangelist casting it out.  Thanks to Dave for taking it to work, seems no one wanted it in their house either.  Avoidance after submission, I guess it's better than total surrender.  :)

Todays Question:  "What do you think the thing you put in your mouth is that keeps you from getting rid of those extra pounds?"

I think it is sugar and white flour, at least for me.  I have evidence that I did not gather, those..."they" people did.  Whoever..."they"  are.  This time I beleive they are right.  The experts say that sugar always turns to fat, it's just what it does.  They say that processed foods are equally as bad and that white flour has next to no nutritional value unless..."they"...add it.  That's why we have so much enrinched food right now.  Seems they are trying to make it better while avoiding the obvious.  Why don't we just keep food in it's original state the way God made it and go with that.  Duh!

I am now 15 pounds lighter, I think I was yesterday too, but I could still see a very fine line so I went with 14.  I know that's weird but that's what I do, know this, when I'm pushing the other side of a pound I don't mention it either, if I'm not right on the line I'm not counting it...in either direction, up or down.  So after only a few days of no sugar and no white flour, with the exception of a couple of white flour oopsey daisys, I'm down two pounds in less than a week.  No pain and no gain, okay I had that one day sugar withdrawal headache, but aside from that, I feel so good.  I'm not craving sugar and I'm not missing it.  I still get to have bread, I just buy the kind with no sugar and wheat/grain flours.  Yummy.  I can do this.

So I'm testing this new choice and so far it's proving to be all good.  I'm so happy about being two pounds lighter in such a short time.  Remember I started this blog Sept 1/09, and May 1/10 will make 8 months.  I haven't lost weight this fast since I started.  I know that's pitiful but it's true okay.  I'm sure it will slow down but right now it's giving me the fuel I need to keep this motor going.  Still have my eyes on the marker...look out 51 pounds here I come.  :)

My Prayer:  Lord help us all to rejoice in the things we accomplish each day, no mater how little or how big.  Remind us all that you are with us always and that you go ahead and prepare our way.

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day!!!

Boiling Point

I have noticed, since crossing the 50 marker, that my boiling point has changed.  I have a feeling my husband has noticed that as well.  I'm not as calm as I once was in my responses when someone/thing happens to push the wrong buttons.  Where once I would brush off silly little comments, as silly, I now appear to have taken on the role of Corrections Officier.  I'm not saying I don't like the role, I'm just not sure that Gord, or anyone else who hits that point does.  I mentioned things because sometimes inatimate objects send me over the edge.  I'm inclined as of late to kick the door that bangs my arm, not hard of course, I didn't say I'd taken the job of villiage idiot.  :) 

Todays Question:  "Did you think that with age came this sense of calm?"

I did.  I saw older people as laid back, relaxed, not worried about anything or anyone.  They get to things in their time, not in a hurry, you know, "I got all day."  I'm hoping that my problem is I'm still too young for that, I'm hoping.  I'm a little concerned that I may be the inspiration for the new movie, Grumpy Old Woman and the sequel, Grumpy Old Woman Gone Mad.  Or maybe I just need more sleep.  I was the laughing Queen yesterday, what a difference a day makes. 

In spite of these new, and not always desirable traits, I seem to be changing yet again.  I'm not sure that I'm against this change as I really think I put up with way too much when I was younger.  The key now is to find the balance and to remember that my life scripture is..."Speak the truth in love."  Not easy when you are kicking a door for banging your arm.  Even harder when your husband says something stupid and you can no longer ignore it.  Not saying I don't say stupid things, I'm just way nicer to myself, I'm with me 24-7 okay?  I still need work on my presentation, something our Tessa taught her dad and I a long time ago.  Our point was valid she would state, but our presentation sucked.  Well, when the kids right, the kids right.  It would appear that working on presentation is a day to day choice.  Tessa likely knew that. 

One thing I truly love about being older is that you do finally figure yourself out, so hang in there young ladies.  You gain confidence and you realize what hills you will or won't die on.  Stand and fight regardless of what others may think, or walk away.  I like that.  When it's a fight you dont' have to fight dirty, you don't have to be rude, there are issues that need to be addressed and things that need to be said, so say them nicely.  I know way too many people who don't say the things that need to be said...like my bad...so sorry...I was wrong, etc.  I'm not a fan of admitting when I'm wrong, mostly because I don't like being wrong, but when I've done wrong/am wrong I apologize and move foward.  If it's my bad I admit it cause it will drive me crazy until I do. Life is too short to be boiling over all the time.

My Prayer:  "Help us Lord to reset those easy to boil points.  Let us learn to turn the burner off and breathe when silly things irritate us.  Help us all to speak truth with abundant love in the same way you always correct us with love.  Remind us that love truly covers a multitude of sins, especially our own.  Thanks for that Jesus, help us to love more completely and without condition.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Sunday.

Just Laughing

This morning I'm finding myself quite amusing, not sure why but I think that there is something very rejuvenating about laughing at yourself.  I know laughter is good medicine, everyone knows that, well they should.  But sometimes when no one else seems funny, I just get a real kick out of myself and I think it's because I'm slightly odd.  :)

Todays Question:  "What makes you laugh at yourself histerically?"

I personally never know what is going to give me the giggles.  This morning it was a simple game of Family Fued on facebook.  A friend asked me to play a fast money round with them and since I enjoy that game I did.  The question was, "What makes a lifeguard have a bad day on the job?"  I answered, "Someone drowns."  I got buzzed because my friend had the same answer.  I sat trying to think of what else could make a lifeguard have a bad day and bamm the answer came.  "Sand in the shorts."  I quickly typed it.  And then I started to laugh that out of control snorting, crying, hurts my face laugh.  I still laugh when I think of it.  Apparently the "survey says" people didn't agree, I got a zero.  I found that even funnier.  My husband thought I was nuts I'm sure but he couldn't deny it was funny. 

It felt so good to lose it and now I'm smiling.  Just happy and reminded that regardless of all the stuff that swirls around, life is good.  I'm blessed beyond measure, people can bother me, but I'm sure I bother some people too, so...who cares.  It doesn't really matter at the end of the day and it sure won't be an issue for long.  We get so caught up in being bothered that we forget that joy is a choice.  I choose to be happy, I love to laugh, I love to cry, both are very good for the soul.  I think that learning to relax and enjoy every situation would change us all.   Life souldn't be so serious and problems come and then they go...shouldn't we act better during the process.  Shouldn't we start looking for the lesson in the trial with a smile...as opposed to grumbling all the while.  I just like to rhyme.  :) 

I truly desire to enjoy the process no matter what it is.

My Prayer:  God help us to rejoice in each day regardless of what it brings forth, help us to remember that the struggles shall pass and the joy will return.  Help us to keep a heart of gratitude at all times and to remember how truly blessed we are.

Be laughing and enjoy this beautiful day.

I Knew It

Okay I've visited the scale twice to be sure, I'm up one pound from yesteday's two pound drop.  Blasted scale. Honestly, I don't care, I knew it would happen, you just can't trust a scale.  The good news, I started to self-sabatoge and right after I ate McDonalds french fries for lunch I quit.  :)
I'm a work in progress people.

Todays Question:  "Do you have any idea how many people give in to McDonalds french fries when they cheat on their diets?"

I don't know the exact numbers but I know they are high.  I'm thinking there is some drug in them, oh right, that was Coke.  Silly me.  Not sure what it is but I have to tell you that every one of those salty little fries was yummy.  Second question; Have you ever noticed that McDonalds fries turn into the most disgusting things on the planet when they are cold?  I have, with the exception of the crunchy little ones, they are fabulous both ways. 

Enough about that, I'm getting hungry and it's a grapefruit for breakfast for me.  I have noticed that since I gave up the white flour and white sugar I'm feeling stronger.  Making a decision to do something different was good for me.  I seem to get tired of the same old same old, which is why I don't do well on those diets where they tell you what you can and can't have.  I'm way too much of a control freak to be told how to eat.  It works for a time, but time runs out quickly once I'm bored with the food.  I'm discovering that discovering what works best for me in this process is the absolute best choice.  It has to work for me over the long haul or it will not be a life change.

I am going to rejoice over the pound I dropped, forgetting the two yesterday and pressing on.  Being 14 pounds lighter feels good and I need to learn to be happy where I am.  I think we all need to learn to be happy with where we are...when we arrive, as opposed to getting somewhere and wishing we were somewhere else. 

My Prayer:  "God help us all to enjoy each moment of each day seeing the potential that even a second has for change.  Oh and God I love you...always will, please bless everyone who read this with an awareness of your unconditonal love for them."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

I Hope You're Sitting Down

I'm a little slow to write today because I was too busy with my cute little grandson, then once I had the time I realized I was trying to avoid writing.

Today's Question:  "Do you ever want to share something and don't want to share it at the same time?"

If so, you understand what it's like to be in the boat I seem to be sailing in today.  I hoped you were sitting down because I dropped two pounds, I have now lost 15 pounds.  I wanted to write and I didn't want to write because once I've told you I'm lighter, if I'm up tomorrow, blasted scale, shouldn't have told you.  If I don't tell you and I'm still lighter, I should have written, my desire is to always be honest.  And then I wonder why the battle, what's the big deal?  I've already gained and lost probably ten pounds since I started this blog.  It's not like any of you have ever done anything but encourage and support me.  What am I so afraid of?

Once again the answer is my own success.  I knew I felt lighter but the scale wasn't confirming it, so I was relaxed and happy to be in clothes I couldn't do up three weeks ago.  Next question; Why am I happier with no evidence that I'm lighter?  Good question, the only answer I can come up with is that once I see the proof that I'm lighter, I get nervous.  The proof for me is the scale.  How silly is that? 

Reality, I'm still afraid to be slim, still thinking I'll become someone other than who I am now.  Ridiculous I realize but true.  So, I'm going to work really hard not to self-sabatoge, that is my pattern.  I'm going to accept this change as a good thing.  I do feel good in my smaller clothes, I am happier with how I look, I just need to stop being afraid of the evidence.  It would seem I've made the scale my judge and jury and that needs to end.  My beautiful son is a fan of the tatoo, across his back it says; "Only God Can Judge Me."  It is truth and something I need to remember.  I must stop judging myself in a wrong way regarding my weight.  Stay where I am and feel the same, get smaller and risk feeling different.  But different does not have to be bad and different does not mean that the core of who I am changes. 

My Prayer:  "God help me to remember that change is good, that you are new every morning and remarkably the same yesterday, today and forever.  It's okay to be new and the same."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day/Night.

Sugar Free

Day one of my sugar free choice yeilded me a powerful headache, thankfully a good nights sleep has restored my head to normal, well as normal as it gets.  For those of you who suffer with headaches I feel so bad for you, I get them once in a very rare while and I seriously do not enjoy them.  Ouch!

Todays Question:  "Does pain ever make you wish you'd made a different choice?"

I was looking for sugar after two hours, two pills and no relief.  I didn't want the sugar because I missed it, I think my sugar consumption over the last couple of weeks made me a mini addict.  How quickly the body yearns for what it cannot have, and how hard it is to say no to the sugar when it means pain in the head.  I did not give in, I came home from the farmhouse at 8pm and had a 20 minute nap.  That helped enough to endure the hour and half until bedtime.

I know I'm a pitiful example of suffering in silence.   The world must know.  ;)

I will say that the up side of suffering is the awareness that it brings.  I was very mindful of people with chronic conditions.  I have some friends who suffer often with very painful disorders, arthritis, migraines etc, not nice.  I have watched them endure with such grace.  I whine like a puppy separated from it's mommy for the first time.  Good thing Gord was home to make me tea and give me a massage.  I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with pain on a regular basis.  My heart and my prayers go out to those who suffer daily.

I learned two things, thanks to my headache, to be more compassionate and pray more for those with chonic conditons, and that when you go to bed with a headache who have bad dreams.  I don't know if that happens all the time because I do not normally suffer with headaches...thank God.  I dreamt a lion was in the field, then in my house, I was watching for him, warning my family and then bamm...he was under my bed.  So I tried to yell to warn Gord, and then Gord, said.  "Huh!"  Apparently I made a loud muffled noise in my dream and in reality.  It woke us both.  It is funny now, at the time I was rather distressed, I imagine Gord was too.  I didn't say anything to him cause I didn't want to wake him anymore than I already had.  I was just really glad he was beside me.  Scary lion, I like them in the wild, just not under my bed.

Conculsion, roaring lions under the bed give you headaches, I'm kidding.  Really I'm glad that I had that headache, it reminds me that not every choice I make is void of suffering.  In order to get what you want out of life you will often have to endure, persevere and yes...suffer.  I don't want anymore headaches, however, I will continue to say no to white sugar and white flour, whether it gives me a headache or not.  I guess that people who have suffered with chronic pain learn to enjoy their lives regardless of what they have to deal with daily.  That is both impressive and inspiring.  I may need to quit being such a baby.

My Prayer:  Strength for the day Lord, regardless of what a day brings forth.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Was It the Salt or the Butter?

Maybe it was both, the good news is that the evidence is gone, I'm two pounds lighter and back to my 13 pounds gone.  That makes me very happy and this morning I woke up with a decision on my mind.  I don't know if that makes sense to you but it happens to me often.  I think about something and know that I need to do it.  So for the next I don't know how long, didn't wake up with a timeline, I'm going to give up white sugar and white flour.  It just feels like the right thing to do. 

Todays Question:  "Have you ever noticed that after you make a decision a flood a thoughts/questions come to your mind?"

In my case, thoughts like, you have alot of white bread downstairs right now, and did you consider that piece of cherry pie you saved for today?  Hello, there is a bowl of chocolate mini eggs downstairs and you work at the mall today, Purdys is at the mall.  Apparently there is sugar in chocolate.  :)
In spite of those thoughts I'm not concerned and I wish I could tell you why?  My only explanation is that when I wake up with a decision I stick to it until I feel released from it.  Weird hey?  Why can't I just make a decision and stick with it?  Don't know.  That is a question I ask myself all the time. 

In my experience these are more like leadings, these wake up decisions, I feel like God is leading me to do something and the amazing part is that I instantly feel strengthened to do it.  Once it happens it does not bother me, all those questions get the same answer, so what.  So what if there is chocolate downstairs, the world will always have chocolate.  So what if I have mostly white bread, I have brown bread too.  Don't care if I walk by ten Purdys and five cherry pies are on my counter, not giving in to them.  Do you have any idea how much I wish I could generate theses decisions, not just for myself but for others?  I sure do, all I can tell you is that I pray often, I ask God for help on a daily basis and then I wait to see what happens, all the while doing what I can to reach the goals I set, working while I wait.  And then one morning I have an answer, today it's no sugar and no white flour.  How long will this last, don't know, not going to worry about it.  I didn't put the decision in my head, so I'm not going to worry about when it's done.  It's in God's hands.  I do not want you thinking that I've lost free will on this issue, I assure you, I can ignore the decision that was in my head, I thought about it for a few moments, it just didn't feel right not to listen.  My question to myself is; "If you've been empowered to let it go Jenny, why wouldn't you?"  My one word answer....Duh!

So, yesterday I said I was thinking about revisiting Jenny Craig, this mornings decision is to follow as I feel led to say goodbye to sugar and white floor.  I will indeed be in need of God's continued lead.  I love to rhyme.

My Prayer:  "Lord help me to be obedient and help us all to hear from You in the areas of our lives that hold us captive.  Set us free and empower us to do your will...for your glory.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

The Man in The Canoe

I put up a new picture this morning and if you didn't notice look closer and near the water falls we saw in Ottawa, you'll see a man in a Canoe, it may be a Kayak, paddling.  Apparently if you want to be in serious shape you do this.  I see the picture from a different perspective this morning after stepping on the scale.  It's not a man in peak physical condition working out, it's a reflection of how I feel...trapped and paddling but getting nowhere.  Weird how the truth of the picture can be distorted by what's going on in my head.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever think you are doing well only to discover that the two cupcakes, the gummy bears and the Easter dinner may have done you in?"

Yep...that's me.  I had company all weekend and for the most part I made good choices, I didn't weigh yesterday because I didn't feel like it mattered...it was Easter.  Way more important than me.  The day before I weighed and was still down 13 pounds, one yummy husband cooked Easter dinner later, some gummy bears, I thought they'd be a better choice than chocolate mini eggs, which I had none of, however, they yeilded the same result, and up went the scale...Jesus arose and that makes me happy...the scale rose...not so much.  How rude! It may be salt because my handsome husband does enjoy cooking with salt, it could also be the pound and a half of butter he used to make dinner.  I don't even want to know how much butter was in those healthy vegtables.  Did you know that just because what you are eating is a vegtable it can be made unhealthy...Gord does.  It tastes amazing, but whatever good the veggies had in them, the butter killed.  It could be the turkey, the ham, the Cheez Whiz buns, do you think it's funny I'm saying it "could be"?  :)

I'm going to see what tomorrow brings before I get drowned by the waterfalls that was yesterdays choices.  No point in beating myself up, it was a long weekend and Easter so a couple pounds isn't worth freaking out over.  I'm seriously thinking about revisiting Jenny Craig to get a grip and see some results.  Since I love that food and I get yummy snacks it's appealing, I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Oh dear, I just remembered the little mini-indoor farmers market at the mall.  Puffed wheat squares, I bought three and ate them over two days, oh yes and the stop by Tessa's house on Saturday, she made cupcakes, I had two.  Perhaps Gord is not entirely to blame.  Why does my memory work so well when it comes to what I eat?  

My Prayer:  God help us all to make good choices, forgetting what is behind and going forward, and please help me not to lead myself into temptation and help anyone else who may have that struggle as well.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Happy Easter

Todays Question:  What would we be without Easter Sunday?

Dead!  And that is the one word answer, no life after death, no eternity, no promise of seeing your loved ones again, no world without suffering, death and pain.  No hope.  And a world without hope is not a land I would want to live in and thank God I don't have.  He came, he died and he defeated death.  And I could never write, speak, sing or express in any way how very much that means to me. 

I pray today that you would fully understand the high price that God paid by coming in human form for us.  Jesus is the reason I keep walking when death seems powerful, I know it has lost it's power.  Jesus is the reason I press on when struggles come, He overcame every obstacle and temptation. Jesus is the reason I live, He has given me everything I need to live my life and live it to the fullest.  I am so grateful.  "In Him I live and move and have my being."

The sun is shinning out my window and the light is exposing the dark clouds above so beautifully.  It is a perfect picture this Easter Sunday morning of what God did for all when His son descended into the darkness that was death.  His light illuminated the darkness and the power that death had was exposed to the light that was life everlasting.  The darkness is present but even as I write the light of the day is fading the darkness of the clouds.  Darkness is present and can always be found in this world but even the smallest light changes it.  I love this verse and I'm sure you will understand why; Revelation 21:23 "The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light. And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light."

"Jesus is the light of the world and in him there is no darkness."  

Truth!  And that's what is so remarkable about Easter Sunday.  He did die, he did rise and death no longer has any victory over us.  Praise God.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day and Happy Easter.

Anticipation

So today is the day we celebrate waiting...and to think I said wait was a four letter word.  Oh my.  What am I waiting for you may ask...Sunday.  Good Friday leaves every believer waiting for Sunday, and what a great lesson that is for me on how significant a wait can be.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever think you hate something only to find out later it's one of the most important requirements to reaching not only your goals but your destiny.

Apparently I'm guilty of just that.  How rude!  In a previous blog, not that many days ago I wrote about how I hate the word wait.  Only thing I liked waiting for was Jesus, I didn't even consider the wait that changed the world, I was talking about how much I love that my wait for him means heaven and a restored world.  Now I'm realizing that the anticipation of a wait for something remarkable is so worth it.  And that makes me realize that no matter how long it takes any of us to reach our goals, whether they are about weight, or working hard to get that promotion, degree etc., it all requires effort and waiting.  There really haven't been that many things in my life that haven't been worth the wait and my impatient self deceived my reasoning self for a time.  But that time is over...so...once again I thank God for showing me where I err.  I like waits, especially ones that mean the end is not the end, as in that tomb is empty three days later and we all have access to God through Christ. 

I am fifty one years old and I am still figuring out who I am.  Does that surprise you?  It sure surprises me, you would think that after all this time I'd have figured me out.  Turns out I'm extremely complicated and often delusional.  I'll work on that while I'm figuring out how to change a lifetime of bad eating habits and wrong thoughts.  I look forward to the day with an anticipation I can handle, when I know my weaknesses and overcome them, as opposed to giving in to them.  What a glorious day that will be.

I'm so glad I have to wait for things, I can hardly beleive I wrote that.  I really thought wait was a four letter word.  Turns out wait has been the best teacher.  The mind is sharp when it's waiting for something, it's tuned in and turned on, looking for that result and that answer that has yet to be found, knowing the answer is there just around the corner, waiting and searching to find it.  I like digging for answers, I just never called it the wait between answers.  I thought wait was something I did sitting in a chair doing nothing not getting what I want, turns out no matter where I'm waiting my mind is going ahead of me, looking for the answer...which is what I want.  I think that every person wants answers and spends a lifetime searching them out...one at a time.  And that is a part of what this journey we call life is...a series of searching for answers, the wait while you search, and then thanking God for the answers when we find them.   Life is good...God is great.

My Prayer:  Help us Lord to seek, to wait, to find and to learn.  You have truly made life fun. 

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

Good Friday - Great God

I'm certain that you all know by now that you are reading the blog of a woman who is very much in love with Jesus.  No surprises, no denials or lying in that regard, I do realize there are surprises, denials and stretching of the truth, sounds better than lying, when it comes to food and how little or how much of it I consume.  Telling you Tessa made cupcakes and I had some is way easier to write than, I had two cupcakes for breakfast and two for supper, ok three but I'm sure Zayin got most of the third one.  Did I mention I licked all the icing that had flowed over into the trays?  How'd I miss that?  Just illustrating for you what I mean when I say stretching the truth.  I'm telling you it's not my fault those Bite Me cupcakes are harder for me to resist than Purdys Chocolates.  Was that a lie? 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever minimize your guilt to make yourself look better?"

I wish I could say I don't but there are times when I do.  It is Good Friday and for years I've struggled with calling it by it's name.  It couldn't have been such a good day for Jesus, he minimized our guilt and didn't care what other people thought or did to him.  He paid the price for my sin and yours.  It is Good Friday for me, that's for sure, but Jesus?  I will spend the majority of the day, as I have for the past couple leading up to today, having a little battle in my mind, it's good for me, was it good for Him, it's such good news for all and such a huge burden to bear for Jesus.  And back and forth my mind will go.  I know Good Friday had to happen, I know it and I'm grateful for it.  I just cannot wrap my head around having the power to come down from that cross and zap all the people condeming and abusing you, and choosing to stay put and die for them instead.  I tell you if it had been me I'd have done it movie style I'm sure, bad guys seem to be winning, the hero is in big trouble with no possible way out and then bamm...he/she musters up his last bit of strength and then zamm zip and zowie, like Batman used to say, those bad guys are toast.  We all cheer even though we know the hero can't die cause it would have ruined the movie.  We want a victory that can be explained, we want the all powerful to exercise his power and teach those villians a lesson.  And the one and only all powerful One...let's them kill him.

Why?  One reason and one reason only.   He loves them.  Yep...every single one of them, the ones who spit in his face and slapped him.  The ones who forced a crown of thorns on his head, the ones who mocked him, the ones who whipped him and tore his back to shreds, the ones who watched giving approval to all his suffering, the ones who lied about him, the ones who denied he was the Son of God, the ones who nailed him to the cross, the ones who are gluttons, liars, thiefs, bullies, gossips, murderers, cheaters, haters...etc.  He loved them.  And on that Cross He showed us so clearly that the power of love is greater than the power of Evil.  He showed us how to gain victory over our enemies...love them.

I cannot even pretend to have mastered this ability to love the people who do me wrong.  I want the hero solution...zap them now God you have the power.  Until I'm looking for mercy because I've done something wrong myself.  Then I'm pleading, patience Lord, please be patient with me.  Mercy Lord, I'm working on it, mercy please.  One standard for Jenny Lord and another for others please.  Hypocrite!

It took God himself coming in human form, Jesus empowered by the Holy Spirit...God himself...three in one, to conquer this evil that is present in all of us.  Once and for all through Jesus.  He paid the price and it is finished.  One sacrifice for all.  Good Friday is good because that death proved once and for all that the good...in Good Friday...is and always has been....GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My Prayer:  Help us Lord to love like you do.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day