Gift With Purchase

This retailer's catch phrase has been in my mind now for about a week.  I keep thinking that it's true, then it's not true, then it's true...etc.  I have from time to time bought something I did not need to get a gift with purchase.  In my defense I've never bought something I knew I wouldn't use just to get the gift unless I was buying a gift for someone else.  For example; I bought my husband some cologne that I loved the smell of that he'd never worn before because it came with a great gift with purchase.  I've also gone looking for gifts with purchase on my own perfume, sadly they rarely give them and I refuse to change for a "free" gift.

That was about the extent of my retail thoughts and then the counselor in me went right to the emotional side of that statement.  I thought of the many people I've counseled over the years who tell me about the things their parents or friends give them or do for them, sounds good right, until they tell me how those things are later used as tools to manipulate them.  I gave you that car so now you have to do this for me, I helped you get a loan, gave you that cell phone, bought you what you wanted for Christmas...etc., and now you owe me.  I call those the, "gifts with purchase", and I mean you were given a gift that included a purchase and that purchase was you.  And that is exactly how the retailers have taught us to think, buy this and you get that. I buy you a great gift, you have to get me one, I give you my time and you owe me yours.  This gift with purchase mentality comes in many forms and robs us of the simple pleasure of giving....with no return.

The problem is people do not respond well to this type of gifting and they should not.  I am surrounded by family and friends who truly know what it is to give a gift.  I've also experienced the odd person who gives a gift with expectation and I can assure I don't want gifts from those people, sadly they are usually people we are close to.  My advice to my patients is that they should let the family member or friend know that if the gifts they give come with conditions they are not gifts and should be rejected.  I seriously don't want a gift from someone who sees me as their gift with purchase.  Gifts from the heart are a true blessing, people who give and never expect anything in return have learned what it is to give not caring if they get anything back.  It is a wonderful feeling to give to someone who can never give you anything back.

It is very difficult to see children of all ages struggle to say no to gifts with purchase from their parents, if I say no to the new car which I need so badly, I'm free of obligation, but I want that car so I'll do what they want and the car will be worth it.  From my side of the couch, the price is too high and it's not worth it.  Every child, no matter the age looks for unconditional love from their parents, these type of gifts do nothing to convince a child that you love them without condition, they actually prove to the child that you don't.  I am not saying that giving a gift to your child and making an agreement about how they can obtain said gift is wrong, I'm saying that giving them something that you plan to later use against them is wrong...on every level.  Once a gift is truly given it no longer belongs to the giver...in any way, shape or form, not even as a reminder.

The people we love should never receive a gift with purchase from us, we should always give as wonderfully to our children as God does to His.  Our families, our friends and the people we give to are the gifts and in my opinion, the gift I get with every purchase is the joy of knowing I expressed my love without condition.

Merry Christmas   

The Absence of Truth

I was looking at a picture the other day of a women who weighed more after regular exercise, with weight training, but looked lighter than her before picture and weighed less.  I've heard that this is true but hadn't seen an actual picture of it.  And then...

Doubt...disbelief..and skepticism moved my brain into a process of thought that made me miss the days of old when pictures couldn't be airbrushed, photo shopped or easily altered.  As I stood readying myself for the day I sucked in my stomach posed and let it out...two completely different reflections with the mere act of a deep breathe in and out.  Perhaps that's how they got that picture that now seemed burned in my mind.

Now that I was on a rabbit trail of thought I followed it, when did everything seen, heard, pictured, advertised, etc., stop having even a grain of truth in it?  Why can't we just tell the truth to sell our products and dare I say it...why don't consumers demand truth from advertisers and retailers.  My guess...we want what they tell us to be true and so we buy in, filled with hope for that easy solution to solve our problems, we want the reward without the work and because we've become this "lie to me with the hope of truth" generation, we buy, we find out it does not work and then without complaint we wait...until the next promised filled perfect solution advertiser seduces us and off to bed we go with a smile on our faces.  So sad.

Shouldn't we be tired of being lied too?  Don't we have the power to stop this perpetual exploitation of our wallets?  You know the answer is yes.

Technology is wonderful, deception, not so great.  I realize we have to take the good with the bad, I just wish that a picture was still worth a thousand words.  I would love knowing that what I see is actually what the photographer saw.  I'd also like it if advertisers still had to tell the truth at the risk of being closed down for good.  Scams have become the normal practice, lies are acceptable and worse yet...to be expected, advertisers who "stretch the truth" do it with wonderfully creative flair and I find myself wondering why they couldn't expend the same amount of energy on being honest.  When did it stop being necessary to be legitimate?

I genuinely miss the truth and the absence of it has me concerned.  What will become of a generation who has to doubt everything they hear?

Redirection is Good

So it's official...I have changed the title and the site with my beautiful daughters help and I am now blogging on whatever I choose, no one subject, but any one of the many topics one can discuss.  I shall endeavor to avoid tedious ramblings, horrible psycho babble and tones of monotony, can't be guaranteeing it, but shall put in great efforts.

I''m honestly tired of writing about my struggle with weight loss, even more tired of trying to rid myself of these last 40 pounds.  I realize that would sound better and makes more sense if I was saying 4 pounds, however, I still have 40 pounds to go in my 51 pound journey.  I will not say I failed on this journey, I merely miscalculated how long it takes someone as stubborn as I to arrive at such a distant destination.  So every once in awhile I'll let you know when the gap closes, DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATH.   :)

"Choice - It's Mine" is a blogspot that I hope reminds us all that we are so graciously given the gift of choices, we make them every single day in more ways than can be counted, sadly we forget that we are choosing our path,  liking to blame others when things go wrong.  Sometimes other people make choices that hurt, bless, confuse, anger us, etc.  We still choose how we respond and therefore still make the choice.  Good or bad, happy or sad.  I love when people make the choice to bless, help, comfort, gently guide, protect, etc., however that isn't always how I react so I'm expecting that others struggle with making good choices as well.  Practice does indeed make perfect...if you choose to practice those positive things, remember that some people are really good at being miserable and practice has indeed made them perfectly miserable.  So,
one day at a time works best, God said it best when He said..."each day is sufficient enough for itself."

If you'd like to walk with me through the choices I make and see others making, to discuss them not just for the sake of discussion but with intention to make a difference either by learning from my mistakes and doing better next time, or by doing something right, or seeing someone else do the same, and sharing the end results of those thoughtful and day changing choices...then I'd love to choose life, love and genuine kindness with you and together work to make better choices on a daily basis.

I've chosen many great things over these 53 years of my life and the best choices I make are always inspired by love.

My prayer is to be compassionate example in every choice I make.  I will be needing help Lord.

Make great choices my friends ...make sure your friends think they did in you.


"Choose each day who you will serve"....and then serve well.



   

The High Price of Gratitude

The grocery shopping started yesterday, we will have no less than 16 people for Thanksgiving dinner on Monday and perhaps as many as 26.  Yikes...and thank the very good Lord for a husband who loves to cook the big occasion dinners.  And all the ladies said..."Amen".  He usually bakes no less than 4 homemade pies but this year he's passed the buck to our super pie maker...Christan.  Tessa the expert cupcaker shall make us her amazing treats as well.  So dessert is covered.

We have a tradition in our family when it comes to buns, we buy the Pillsbury country biscuits and for those 8 packages, 80 buns, we needed two large jars of Cheez whiz.  I can assure you there will be very few buns left and after the brussel sprouts are slathered in Cheez Whiz, we may have half a jar left.  The buns receive the same slathering.

Vegetables, 10 pounds of potatoes, peeled, cooked and mashed with way too much butter.  10 carrots to two turnips,cooked, mashed, seasoned and of course...way too much butter as well.  Well have a salad our two brought by wonderfully willing family and friends.

Stuffing, Gord has to fill the turkey and make two additional bread pans full, stuffing is most important.  Especially for Gordon Jr., he only eats buns, turkey and stuffing....not a fan of vegetables.

We always drink, sparkling apple juice, fruit spritzers and mineral water....about 12 bottles combined.

We'll need a large box of Byers Vanilla ice cream for those wonderful pies.

Bread and butter pickles are a must for the buns with turkey, they taste great mixed with Cheez Whiz, I mean what doesn't really.  :)

A boat of gravy, our boat is the very large Tupperware mixing container.

And that is our usual meal and a favorite of all because anyone who has every tasted my husbands cooking loves it.  He is a huge fan of excess and butter is something he likes to eat with a spoon, so not low calorie in anyway, but delicious.

Today's Question:  "Why the high price of gratitude title?"

Well, my brain, that's why.

Gord came home with the buns, and two jars of Cheez Whiz and a small ham, grand total of that receipt...$59.00.  Yep, and I didn't even mention the 26-30lb fresh turkey that will be picked up today at a cost of between $36 - $48.

Add all the above mentioned items and I think hosting a Thanksgiving dinner is around $275.00, it would be more but this year a few people are bringing items we'd normally supply.  So if we added pies, salad and cupcakes, another $100.00 easy.

So in my world one Thanksgiving dinner equals $375.00.  Expensive but worth every single penny.  :)

And of course that got me thinking about the high price of so many things we are thankful for:

Our Canadian Military...so costly and most assuredly...priceless.
Our Police Officers, Fireman, Ambulance Drivers, Dr.s, Nurses, etc., high priced and invaluable.
Our homes, the heat, the water, the power, the roof the walls, the furnishings, the pictures, the lawns, etc., very expensive and totally worth it.
Our children....one child costs approximately $50,000.00 to raise, my kids I'm sure were double that and our grandchildren may cost more if Grandma does not learn to say no.  They are our most valuable gifts and they shall never have a price because they are irreplaceable, priceless and amazing...and they shall always be.
Pets, mine are horses and the price is very high but the peace they give and the gratitude I have for them...worth it.  The dogs and cats are cheap comparatively.  ;)
Our vehicles, I've walked a lot lately...I'm thankful for them in spite of their high cost.

My point, every single thing I'm grateful for comes with a high price tag.  Not always financial but always a cost.

And so what am I most grateful for...the free gift of salvation I found in Jesus Christ, free for all people...wonderfully true.

Price God paid for us all.... immeasurable!

My Prayer:  "Lord I shall be eternally grateful for the high price you paid for me and all who are willing to receive such a remarkable gift.  Forever in your debt and ever grateful my debt is paid.  Thank you Jesus, you are the source of all that's good in my life and..."every good a perfect gift is from above."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

I think I Suck at Blogging

It's been over three months since my last post, "I think" is not an accurate title..."I know I suck at blogging"...is much more true to my form.  I started out good but as my successes were passed quite speedily, by my failures, I've noticed that my desire to write is a flame that gets quickly extinguished while my failures zip past.

Today's Question:  "Am I alone in my desire to only tell people about my successes?"

To say that the summer was a complete failure would not be true, but to say that the majority of the summer was an experiment in eating whatever I liked, now that is almost...completely true.  Only almost because I had a three week re-visitation to my Jenny Craig location, lost 12 pounds the first week and then maintained it for a short time before the downward spiral.  I had a wedding in Scotland and I wanted to be a least 20 pounds lighter for it, I did not succeed.  I really didn't want to be the fattest person in Scotland, turns out that all that haggis and fatty food made it easy for me to fit right in.  Who knew?  I managed to gain 8lbs on that two week vacation, it was fabulous.  I know...not the world's greatest dieter...am I?

I'm hoping, now that the summer is over, birthdays all done, at least the major ones that mean way too much ice cream cake and desserts for me...in a row.  June to September is our families busiest birthday season, you can have treats about once a week for 3 months.  Excuses you say...yep...resistance to ice cream cake for me...futile.

I have decided to change my blog as result of weakness and lack of desire to write about my weight struggles and the odd successes daily...or even weekly...okay monthly.  :)

Decisions about my blog:

1.  Fifty One Pounds may get a name change.  (If you have a name that fits tell me...I love input.)
2.  I would rather write about the thoughts that seem to always be rolling around in my brain.
3.  I do love to encourage people and I'd love to do that with my blog, on topics that are not mainly weighty.  
     (Pun intended.)
4.  I am still committed to losing 51 pounds and I still believe I can.  Apparently two years is not the timeline.
5.  Still not quitting until I succeed.
6.  I love telling stories and I'd like to incorporate them into a daily/weekly, depending on how often the stories come...blog post intended to inspire people.  A lofty goal I realize, trust the Holy Spirit will help me.
7.  I love sharing my experiences and the things that have changed me...in any way.
8.  I love Jesus and I would like whatever I write to be a reflection of that.
9.  I'd like this blog to be more interactive, not just comments but thoughts that are worth sharing, experiences that other people have learned from as well.
10. And finally.....................the rest is a mystery that I'm trusting shall unfold as I go.

So...those are my decision/thoughts for the empty pages I shall attempt to fill as I go forward...hoping that I shall not suck at blogging any longer.

I heard J.K Rowling, haven't read any of her books, give an answer to this question.  "How would you like to be remembered.  She said;  "As someone who did the best they could with the talent they had."   That penetrated me to the core.  Because it was exactly what I felt I wasn't doing, using the talent God had given me to the best of my ability.  I was the servant who buried her talent, not entirely but in large enough measure that I knew that word was speaking to me.  I have not used my gifts to their fullest, I have been wasting them. I'm sure mine are buried under a pile of fat somewhere, pick a pound.  I'm learning, slowly I might add, that extra weight makes you slower in every way.  The positive in that sentence is that I"m learning.

Every sunrise brings with it potential...it's a new day and I need to start using all of my gifts...I'm sure some of you do to.

My Prayer:  "Lord help us all to realize and utilize our giftings for Your glory to bless others."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day
   

No Excuses!

I don't like today's title but I picked it so...guess I have to go with it.   I'm wanting to rant and rave about how hard it is to make healthy choices in the summer, apart from the 3-5lb bags of peas I consumed over three days, those were healthy...and spectacular.  :)  Oops...got all blinded by my excitment over my favorite uncooked vegtable.  What I meant to say was, Stampedes, parades, multiple birthdays in our family and way too many BBQ's, have the scale going up and down like a yo yo...lost 5 gained 4, gained 5 lost 5.  Today I think I'm up 2 but plan to be down 2 by the time I weigh in ...but...off to the Stampede in Calgary...oh Lord have mercy...no seriously...I need mercy and strength and help to just say NO!. 

Today's Question:  "Do you every consider calling yourself a food addict?"

Or perhaps a food junkie...or is that junk foodie.  You see people I'm losing it over here!!.  I'd make an excuse of the heat but it's been raining so much I have yet to get hot enough to complain.  Perhaps I could use the rain as an excuse for the amounts of food consumed, or maybe the mosquitoes, I'm busy eating trying to help my body replace all the blood those sucking vampires have stolen, without my permission I might add.  I want for a legitimate excuse and I can't find a single one.  I've made up a few but they suck almost as bad as the mosquito's.  :)

The only positive I can find is that I still press on in spite of my horrible results over the last months...I'm still, with the ups and downs, maintaining my 10lb loss, but I'm stuck it would appear.  I do good for 4 days and then crash for 3, do good for six crash for two, thankfully I have yet to do poorly for more than 3.  Oh thank you Lord Jesus for that.

So...no excuses, well besides the ones I've written about and then brushed off I mean.  I have to find my way out from under this.  Wish I could ride my horse more, wish I liked exercise in other forms, wish I was fond of sweating, wish I was a person who just forgot to eat..ha..that one made me lol...it's so out there.  :)  Oh woe is me but you know what they..."if wishes were horses beggars would ride."   Unless the freaking mosquito's were so bad you couldn't.  I digress and I stop at this point before I slip slowly into madness.

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to focus, to press on, to forget what is behind and to go forward remembering that you have gone ahead of us to prepare our way.  Thank you Lord for clarity of mind and for hope that never ends, for eternity and for the promises of a better life free from the bondage's that we so often put ourselves in.  You are truly a Great and Awesome God."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Waking Up!

It seems that life is a series of wake up calls...and I'm just waking up.  I finally feel like I'm in a place where I can go forward...no matter how slow on a more balanced level...into this place called eating better and moving more.  Finally!

Today's Question:  "Do you believe it's better to get somewhere eventually than to not arrive at all?"

I do!!!!  On every level.  It has taken me a very long time to figure out that just because I have a bad meal...once in a while...I do not need to plunge head first into every treat I can find to make a bad choice a series of bad choices.  I can stop at the ice cream cake and avoid a feeding frenzy for the next meals.  Who knew?   Not me that's for sure.  Now that I've got it I intend to keep it and it has truly been working.

I've seen no serious weight drop, however I've maintained my almost ten pounds for a month because when I have a ton of events, birthdays, bbq's, and special days, I've quickly grasped reality again and returned to Jenny Craig.  I have to say that the weigh in part is very good for me...helps me to get a grip on Monday if the weekends been sketchy.  I weigh every Thursday so that in itself has helped me immensely.  I shall press on.

Exercise is slowly coming into my life, trying to do more yoga, rode my bike a couple times, some flower gardening and serious house cleaning is helping me to shape up.  If these beautiful days continue I shall be riding the mosquito magnet more often as well...that would be my horse, I'm sure those mosquito only see 1000lbs of blood when they look at him.  :)  I shall never wear black tights to ride again...they thought I was a continuation of him...16 bites on my leg that day...scratch..scratch.

So...I do feel like I'm waking up to the reality that I have caused this problem and I can solve it.  Truly this was not some invisible force making me fat...it was me.  Hand to mouth..fist to mouth if it's popcorn and why can't I have ice cream if everyone else is...poor...poor me.  I have reaped what I've shown and that means I can do it again...only this time I plan to be happy with what I reap.

My Prayer:  "God bless us with strength and empower us by your Holy Spirit to make the changes in our life that will reap a beautiful harvest.  Loving you beyond measure and thanking you for change."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day

"A Father to the Fatherless"

Today is Father's Day, unlike Mother's Day it is not the busiest restaurant day of the year, not for the florists for obvious reason, maybe for the golf courses if it's not raining, and certainly not a huge Hallmark card day.  Sad...but true.


Today's Question:  "Do the titles we are given automatically mean we are good at them?"

My answer....only if your God and they are good.

When I was around 11 years old I entered my horse Breeze in the 4H show.  Breeze was my gift horse, and yes I occasionally looked him right in the mouth, I got his mom for passing grade one, her name was Blackie and she was a Welsh Mountain Pony, who happened to be in foal, much to every ones surprise...we got a two for one deal...I love those to this day.  Breeze was a mix, of what the man we bought Blackie from thought was a Quarter Horse, Thoroughbred cross.  Heinz 57 we call those.  My mom grew up on a farm and was used to work horses so she let us ride him a little too soon, as a result he had a bit of a sway back, but I loved him and he had the sweetest face.  I decided that since Breeze was competing against a group of much better bred horses I'd entere him in events where saddles were required...you lose marks for sway backs. 

I had ridden the 10 miles to the rodeo grounds where the big event was taking place.  My horse was safely tied having a well earned break and I was looking at the trophies beside the sign up table.  Only one caught my eye, it was different than all the rest and I loved it.  I'd said nothing but this girl who had a big and very well trained and bred horse saw me looking at it.  "That's the Western Trail trophy and I'll be winning that."  She said in a very matter of fact way.  I just looked at her and smiled and walked away.  I figured she was probably right.  She had a great horse. 

Western Trail was the event I'd worked the hardest at with Breeze at home, we opened gates with me sitting on him, crossed boards and bridges of all kinds, I swung plastic all around him, I'd make him stand and look at me without moving while I walked away and then walked back.  He was good at it, probably because he wasn't overly energetic to begin with.  He was born to keep his head low and to move with caution, Welsh Mountain ponies are know for their sure-footedness and he'd gotten that from his mom.  No crazy high stepping moves for Breeze...just slow and steady.

To make this potentially long story short Breeze was an absolute angel in that Western Trail course the judges had set up that day.  I opened and closed the gates like a pro, he stood and watched me walk away and back to him with his reigns on the ground, head down eyes on me, we crossed bridges and water holes, I swung stuff around his head and body, and he never reacted to plastic on the ground or anything...he did it all...never missed a beat actually and I won that trophy from a gentlemen judge who was just so impressed with my little horsey mutt.  I think that judge appreciated Breezes calm nature, he truly was the perfect trail horse, he'd spent his entire life trail riding with me.  He was a great and trustworthy mount.

The point.  This morning I woke up thinking about the arrogance of that girl, it's not the first time I've thought about it...it's just the first time I thought about God as a Father in relation to this event.  My dad wasn't present for that big horse show, he never was able to make any of my events, my mom was there and she was proud.  I thought about the type of Father God is this morning and the first thing that came to mind was the fact that He is always watching us.  Never takes his eyes off of us in fact.  I believe that he saw the arrogance of that young girl and my humility.  I didn't think I could win that event and I knew that as far as breeding and training went, Breeze was inferior.   However, God saw my heart and my efforts in training and He caused that judge to see those things as well.  I didn't go up and smirk in that girls face after I got my trophy, I actually felt sorry for her because it would be embarrassing to lose after her comments to me.  I was way too happy with my little brown Heinz 57 horsey that day to care.

Today if you don't have a father, God is present and watches every little thing you do, He is always pleased with you because He sees you through His perfect Son.  You can't be anything but beautiful in the light of Jesus Christ.  The Perfect Father loves you perfectly.  I'm so grateful for that on this Father's Day...so grateful.  I'm grateful for Father's who do the best they can as well.

My Prayer:  "Father, thank you, for always seeing us, knowing us and loving us....completely and unconditionally.  Bless all your dear children this day.  And thank you for being the best Father, this day and every day... eternally."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Motivation Needed

As the title clearly relates...I need some serious motivation...I've got nothing.  I have moments where I feel like I can do this and then reality hits hard.  Last night I went out for a beautiful dinner with my handsome husband.  One of those very high end places where you could buy 6 live chickens for the price of the meal.   It was delicious, so worth it, but first comes the bread, then the french onion soup, which I normally hate but it was so good, then a nice salad, all included with the Neptune Chicken Gord wanted us to have,  two chicken breasts stuffed with cheese and shrimp on top.  Definitely not a Jenny Craig meal.  Duh!

Today's Question:  "Why do I always see a free dinner as free?"

It will take force to go to my appointment tomorrow morning...I knew it was weigh in day but I ignored that until now.  This morning I said no to the smorg and had toast and eggs, I'm not utterly hopeless I just have these weak moments.   I've been very busy trying to get myself to exercise, that's  not as easy as it sounds I assure you.  Motivation...where are you?

I have fought the urge to just quit, still fighting it.  I keep telling myself that I'm fine, other people look worse, and yes others look better....I'm just not the fattest fish in the sea.  Ok, I'm not the skinniest either.   This is a very frustrating and ridiculous thing, this battle of the bulge....did I say bulge...I meant bulges. 

My Prayer:  "Wisdom please Lord, I lack wisdom, motivation and good choices in this area of my life.  Help all who struggle with this like I do.  I just want what I want when I want it and I know how immature that is."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

"How does one love a pebble in their shoe?"

Yesterday I mowed the lawn at our other house...yep still have it.  Was getting it ready for a showing and I'm praying it sells.  Oops...sidetracked.  Before I mowed the lawn I pulled some gargantuan weeds that had overtaken the beautiful garden planters my husband made me in hopes that I'd become a gardener...he's funny.  Whilst shaking the excess dirt off the root of those nasty weeds I felt the sudden rush of dirt surrounding my Lacoste runners...please note I mow in style.  I ignored said dirt and pressed on.

Today's Question:  "Do you ever ignore something that you will be forced to pay attention to later?"

Yep...pebble from that shaken root dirt in my shoe.  How does one love a pebble in their shoe?  One does not.  I tried to leave it there as I reflected on the movie it came from.  It's one of my beautiful daughters favorites and it's called "Ever After."  A Cinderella story with an independent women who doesn't need her Prince but is happy to have him.  The nasty stepmother says those most unkind words to her stepdaughter after she asks her if she ever loved her in some small way.  Obviously those words bothered me enough to take me back to that movie as soon as I realized I had a pebble in my shoe.  I tried to love it, hoping I'd be the exception.  I was determined to be the one who could love a pebble in my shoe.  I may have made three sweeps across the back lawn before my instincts for survival took over and I found myself removing my runner, before the side of my foot blistered from my failed attempt at loving the unlovely.  Such sorrow. 

Now my mind is going as fast as the mower and I'm thinking about how God wants us to love the unlovely.  That's hard for the human, however, unlike the pebble in my shoe people have feelings, they love, they cry, they laugh and they can love back.  Pebbles are not lovely mean stepmother and you were right, you can't love them.  But people, regardless of how irritating they can be, deserve to be loved.  Why?  Because God loves them, kinda like He loves me when I'm as painful as a pebble in your shoe. 

What irritates you?  Things can be gotten rid of and forgotten, people can't.  I need to remember this in every area of my life because this battle with my weight reminds me of that pebble.  Wish I could just take the stinking stuff off and never think about it again.  Apparently I'll have to actually do like I did with the pebble, bend down, take off the shoe, shake out the pebble and move on.  May take a little longer to dispose of the fat I've stored but it can be gotten rid of with some effort. 

My Prayer:  "Help us to love the unlovely especially when we feel unlovely ourselves.  I'm so grateful for your unconditional and unending love for us all.   You rock!"

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Big Underwear 2

I'm feeling the need to go back to Invermere and find myself a new 6 pack of $5.00 big underwear.  I'm wanting a little extra security this month and I'm not sure why.  Could be because the world seems to be spinning out of control, fires, floods, tornadoes, tsunamis and mosquito infestations.  I had to include Edmonton in this list somehow...and we have some very large and early mosquito swarms.  My husband tells me they blew in when we had those extreme winds. 

Today's Question:  "Why can't what blew in blow right back out?"

I realize that dealing with mosquito swarms is not that big of a deal, especially when I think of the 6,000 people whose homes burned in the Slave Lake fire.  So happy no one died in those fires.

I do know that my big underwear is a false sense of security, however I still maintain that hanging by a string in that department does not make me feel confident.  Who would want to snap a thong in the middle of a counseling session.  Not I said the goose.  I'm noticing a trend in my last six pair purchase, holes...small little ones granted, but all 6 pairs are showing some serious signs of overuse.  I was only wearing them on Tuesdays for counseling day...now I'm rifling through my other 50 plus pairs to find 1 overly washed big pair to put on.  I've been washing clothes way more often to keep my availability up...that's positive.  ;)

It would appear that the wind that blew me into that store and gale forced me to buy those pairs of big underwear was more powerful than I thought.  I"m now fighting the urge to fill the three drawers I have for my dedicates with items that don't even remotely look "delicate".  I'm hoping I solve this problem with another problem I have....I'm cheap... in some ways.  Once I've gotten 6 pairs for $5.00 I can't pay more.  I mean really they should be giving those giants away.  :)

I will intentionally be making different choices this week and I'm hoping that will spill over into several other areas of my life.

My Prayer:  "Help us lift up our eyes to the hills Lord, as our help truly does come from you."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Yikes!

Sad to say that I had to go back two weeks to find my last post.  Not doing very well at my blogging, doing much better with my eating though...so that's good.  I've been successful with Jenny Craig for the most part, grads, birthdays and parties have been very hard on poor Jenny.  :)

Today's Question:  "Does it ever seems like backwards is forward for you?"

It does for me...so often.  I've had several meetings with my new consultant and I've noticed a pattern.  Good thing I'm so well trained or I may have missed it.  ;)   I can justify any weight loss with a wonderful series of well thought out excuses.  For example, "I have gained a pound but I've discovered that I can say no so it's all good."   To which my consultant replies; "That is good, it's not just about weight loss."  I smile and nod.  Smiling because I've convinced her or because she's working to keep me coming back...not sure which. 

I am down 10lbs and that's a good  thing in light of the last couple of months.  Obviously some things have changed or I'd be up 20lbs...that's my normal pattern.  I continue to be committed to this process regardless of how pitiful my results are.  I'm sure that should get me a few points, if we were walking this journey on points, instead of pounds.  I wish! 

I have discovered Oolong tea, it has been proven to speed the metabolism and aid the body in fat burning.  Who wouldn't love a tea like that?  It has already eased this grandma's stiff joints quite remarkably so I'll be making it my drink of choice from now on.  I'll let you know if it works on burning fat...Lord knows I'll test that theory to the max.

My Prayer:  "Be strengthened in your innermost parts by our most Holy God.  His love for you is unending and is matched by His desire to see us overcome.  Lord help us all to press on."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.

Slacker!

Boy do I hate exercise, unless it comes in the form of things I like to do.  Like riding my horses, or playing with my grandchildren, or going for a bike ride with a friend.  This morning I watched Yoga for half and hour and then Pilate's for half an hour.  Seriously, I'm exhausted.  :)

Today's Question:  "Why do I watch exercise and feel so much better?"

It seems to me that watching exercise is way better than doing it, and if you don't believe me answer this question; "Why do so many people spend hours watching other people exercise?"  Dare I say so many people who like myself could lose a few pounds by doing instead of watching. 

Examples:

1.  Gord and I can be found watching golf on the occasional Sunday, we also end up napping during golf.  It is a nice quiet sport to nap to.  Sometimes we golf, but Gord likes it way more than I do.

2.  Many of you have been watching the hockey playoffs. Those jumps of the couch when they score are exhausting.  So much better to watch than do...the sweat pouring off those players is horrid.

3.  Baseball watchers abound and the only exercise to the fan is cheering and going for hot dogs.  I'm sure that counts.

4.  Soccer, basketball...watch...watch...watch.  I could go on.

My point, it is better to watch than do, unless of course you are one of those people, who I'm seriously trying to understand, who actually like to exercise. 

Or perhaps, like I love to ride my horses even though it's exercise, they love sweating that much doing their sport.  Weird!   I may have gained some understanding as to why those people would sign up to sweat like that.  :)

I watched yoga and Pilate's this morning for reasons other than my weirdness, I plan to start doing a workout to one or the other at least three to four times a week.  I had to see if I'd survive before I committed.  I'm not sure about the Pilate's but I think I can handle the yoga.  In spite of my excessive frame I am remarkably flexible.  So I'll let you know if I survive the first week of this new plan, that ball can be dangerous.  ;)

If things don't go well I can rejoin the minions and watch.

My Prayer:  "Lord keep all those active sports minded people safe as they stretch their bodies to the max and help those of us who are less committed to simply move more."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day!

According to Jenny

That title is not a reference to me, it is however related to Jenny Craig, according to them I have officially lost 11.9lbs since starting their program....once again...two weeks ago Thursday.  So that's good.  I can give credit where credit is due.  The program has been what I needed to smack myself in the head, gently of course, and get back on track.  I've been finding it relatively easy and have managed to avoid temptations of all kinds.  No one is more surprised than I.  :)

Today's Question:  "Why do we quit doing what works and fall back in the pattern of doing what does not.?

Creatures of habit perhaps, or in my case, big baby who wants her cake and would love to eat it too.  When I say cake I'd really rather have a loaf of homemade bread. 

I'm surprised by how different I feel on this third attempt at getting 50lbs off with Jenny Craig, apparently I have a pattern, when I get within 20-25lbs of my goal weight I disappear.  Makes me wonder if I'm afraid of my own success.  Now that I have seen that pattern, somehow the counselor missed it, I plan to attack it face first and fists flying.  No more yielding to a pattern, I mean really I should know better.  So this success in the first two weeks has inspired and shocked me.  All this time I thought I had a horrible metabolism, turns out I eat too much at three sittings, instead of eating less for six...I like that math.  In order to work a metabolism must be fed.  Surprise!  So I'm happy eating six times a day cause it's three times more than I used to.  My next question is how did I miss that on my other two attempts with Jenny Craig?  Sometimes....the girl is slow.

I'm speeding up now.  Looking forward to seeing my fifty one pounds and curious to see what I'll look like at that weight.  It's been well over 30 since I've seen me at that size and I'm certain I'll be spending some time trying to figure out who owns the image in the mirror I'll be looking at. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us all to go forward when backwards is more comfortable and known."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Happy Mother's Day

I find it very difficult to feel anything but this overwhelming sense of joy when Mother's Day comes.  I always feel like I should shower my children in gifts because they have given me more blessings than I'm sure I could ever give them.  Being a mom is my favorite thing, I love being a wife, a friend, etc., but I just always wanted kids and from the moment I met each one of my three babies I've been head over heels in love with them.  I have never once regretted being a mother. 

Today's Question:  "Do you get the value of your children?"

I sure hope so.  There are days when it is hard to be a mom, those sick days have been the hardest on me, I hate seeing my kids suffer in any way.  It's hard to let them go once they've grown and to allow them to make their own choices in life, even knowing the pain that those choices could cause them.  Its hard to shut the mouth to allow them to figure things out for themselves.  I still turn into a mother bear when someone speaks the slightest  word against one of my kids.  I desire to bless them, help them, support them and give myself to help them in any way I can. 

One of the most satisfying aspects of having grown children is discovering that they still want to spend time with you.  I love that my kids like doing things with Gord and I, we are so blessed by their invitations to us to be involved in their lives and the lives of their children on a regular basis. 

I could ramble for days about what a blessing it is to be a mom, I'll close with this. 

Children are truly the greatest teachers, supporters, friends, joys, and pictures of what Gods unconditional love looks like.   Children have been and will always be my greatest blessing and the best gifts ever, on Mother's Day and every other day thereafter.

My Prayer:  "God bless our children as they have truly been the greatest blessings of our life."

Have a Wonderful Mother's Day....We are Blessed!   :)

Elections & Diets

Today's Question:  "What do those two things have in common?"

Answer:  "They both can bring out the worst in people." 

I'm so happy to say that I'm much nicer about elections than I am about dieting, watching what I eat, changing my lifestyle, learning to live with less, getting with the program, stopping the insanity, pick a phrase I don't like any of them. 

However if I had a politcial party of my very own the name of my party would be...  "Focused!"

As in focus on what you plan to do and how you want to be remembered as a party and a leader.
Decide what really matters and make a difference.
Speak about your plans, your vision, etc.
Don't slander people, no matter who you are running against or who you are voting for.
Get that the media does not always tell the truth, about all parties, because they are biased and have lost ...."FOCUS".
If the best you can do to promote your party is expound on all that is wrong with the other party, you have lost focus and are giving too much of your attention to the wrong party..ooops...probably not your best argument...just saying.  ;)
I could go on...but I will not to lose my focus.

So how do I feel about the election outcome? Good!

Not because I believe that everything done will be wonderful, but because a leader has been chosen.  That's a period.   I pray he leads well and I will pray that prayer everyday regardless of who he/she is or what country he/she leads.  That's my Christian duty.

I'm so happy that the BQ did so poorly, simply because I love this Country and I love it United.

Now if the DQ was doing poorly and the threat of closures in any province was eminent..oh my gosh I'd be stressed.  I prefer ice milk to ice cream and like voting...it's my choice, right and duty people.  :)

I think these changes are all a part of one very great God's plan, I've said it before and I'll say it again...God is in control, not one leader has ever been a surprise to him, in fact they were born for such a time as this...whether I've agreed with everything they have done or not. 

I shall always vote, well as long as the DQ doesn't fall apart, some very amazing women made sure I could vote and I'm most grateful for the voice they fought to give us.  I shall exercise my right proudly.  I love this Country and it's electoral processes. 

Diets, I don't love and I hope to get them out of my life forever one day.

My Prayer:  "God guide our leaders as only you can, give them wisdom, insight and understanding beyond themselves by your beautiful Spirit.  Thank you for this beautiful Country we live in and the amazing rights we have...we are blessed beyond measure and  are most grateful."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Too Much!

So I had the weigh in, it was worse than I thought, but then I weighed on my scale the morning after and I was still 10 pounds down.  Apparently their scale weighs heavier than mine, please note mine weighs exactly the same as the Airlines, so I don't have a cheap scale.  Perhaps Jenny C wants you on the program longer.  Whatever the cause I'm sticking to my scale for my recording of this journey to being 51 pounds lighter. 

Today's Question:  "How often do you weigh?"

I think I weigh too much and it's time for me to put my scale away and take it out once a week after I weigh in with Jenny.  That will be hard because I stand on that scale every single morning.  I had broken that very bad habit once before but returned to it just like I do with so many things I think I've gotten out of my life.  I'm sure some ex-smokers can relate. 

My goal remains the same and I'm still determined to reach it, I'm grateful for help.  Not sure why but I feel stronger now and I pray it lasts.  I was very frustrated that I didn't lose weight during my lent, but I've since taken some responsibility, turns out I can overeat healthy food as easily as I can junk food.  Too much regardless of it's form is still too much....who knew?   :)

I'm still resisting exercise but will be riding my horses more and will to return to the yoga mat and my inversion table.  There is a bike in my garage and a stationary one in the basement...I seem to be like the one in the basement...stationary.  That also must end. 

Change is hard, but change I must.  I have some very stiff hips, and sore muscles...I assure you it isn't from strain.  This sitting thing is hard on a body and so I'm going to have to get moving unless I plan on finding a way to enjoy this pain.  So far that's not working and I've given it a long and serious try.   I'm still hoping that one day I'll wake up and love exercise. 

My Prayer:  "Lord guide us to honesty with ourselves, forgive us when we lie to ourselves and help us to make the changes that will be lasting for our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Jenny on Jenny

I've made the decision that without aid...I'm not succeeding...so to Jenny Craig I go.  Appointment made 4pm today and I'll shall endeavour not to eat my way through this day.  I'm doubting myself already so look out Dairy Queen, I may need some ice milk to kick start me.  Ha.  :)

Todays Question:  "Will I recognize success in this area of my life when it comes?"

I don't know!  When I was a mere 130 pounds I still thought I had weight to lose.  I thought  I was fat at 150 and now I long to be that again.  In fact it's my goal weight.  And so I wonder, will you ever be happy with your body at the weight you obtain or will you always think you could be slimmer?  What a question.  Sad that in part I know the answer.

I told my huband that I never struggle with my value as a person, and I don't.  I do struggle with how my body feels, and how I look when I'm sitting...but only physically.  I like me, I see my beauty, although it took a long time...I see it now, better late than never, I really only don't like the excesses in my life and I really don't think I should.  Being overweight is hard on this wonderfully designed body and if I truly want a long and active life I best get it together.  So by whatever means, that is of course legal, moral and good for my body, I'll shall obtain this lofty goal. 

Once again I'm changing direction but change is good.  Obviously what I've been doing this past year and a half is not working, seems a no brainer to me that I need a fresh start.  So Jenny C and Jenny M are getting with the program and it's about time.

My Prayer:  "Help!"

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Husbands :)

This morning I was wonderfully aroused by the sound of something that resembled a buzz saw at 5:45am, not as loud I'm sure, but in the quiet of our room it was all I needed to wake up my mind.  Once that starts the hope of sleep is nonexistent and so I quietly played on my iPhone, checking e-mail, facebook status updates and played too many games of bejewelled blitz.  I tried twice to go back to sleep, once around 6:30 and once again about 7:30, that same saw ensured that didn't happen. Funny how no sounds erupted from the sleeping machinery beside me until I tried to go back to sleep.

Today's Question:  "Why are women so careful not to wake a sleeping husband, even if he is NOT so inclined to reciprocate?"

The fact that my husband is busy making me a healthy breakfast may be keeping me from writing the rant I could go on about how irritating it is to wake up to snores.  I could expound on how many times I pick up clothes from around the house, or put away his many shoe/boot choices each day.   I might complain about the lights he leaves on letting me know each and every place he's been, inside and out.  I could say that I'm tired of ironing shirts, washing clothes, and picking up after the only child I have left at home...did I say child I meant person other than myself.  ;)

Let me change direction...I live with a man who never says a word about my weight, never insults me, (oops, unless it's by accident caused by something else husbands tend to do when they don't have shoes/boots on...foot in mouth) he works hard to provide in every way, I live with the handyman who can do almost anything I ask and if he can't he'll find someone who can.  I am adored and I can assure you that there are times when I'm NOT adorable.  I can be a total jerk and then tell him I'm sorry and he acts like it must have somehow been his fault.  He gives...yep...and then he gives some more.  Is he flawless...nope...but then the woman he loves isn't either, and the best part...he thinks I am.

And that is how I feel about husbands...well mine for sure.  I assure you that there are days when I could strangle the man and I'm seriously a nonviolent person.  But then I come home from spending way too much on my children or grandchildren and he acts like it's nothing.  I wake up grumpy, like this morning because I didn't get enough sleep...for obvious reasons...and then he makes me breakfast when I ask after I just barked at him for wanting me to buy smaller bags of coffee.  Ridiculous aren't I...but blessed beyond measure by the man God gave me to love and to be loved by.

Overall I give husbands a 10 out of 10.  For my single readers...don't rush it based on this post, it has taken 30 plus years and alot of work, on both our parts, to get here, however...the rewards are eventually endless.

My Prayer:  "Thank you Lord for husbands and their willingness to give to their families from the strength You give them, motivated I believe by the deep desire (most men have) to bless the people they love." 

Have a Wonderful and Blessed Day!!

One Week To Go

So it is exactly one week today until Lent is officially over.  I have mixed emotions, fear, joy, doubt, faith, panic, calm, etc.  I keep telling myself that if I can successfully control my eating for 40 days I should be able to continue when Lent is over.  Then my memory takes me on a journey back to the Sundays off, feast and famine are the two words that best describe those Sundays, I feasted only to find it a little harder to return to famine for the week. 

Today's Question:  "Why is it so easy to control yourself and why is it so hard to control yourself?"

I can't tell you how much I wish I had the answer to that question.  I know so many people who struggle with their weight.  Like myself, they are so good at controlling so many other aspects of their life.  They are self motivated to work, to keep their homes and families cared for, they can say no to overindulgence's and yes to the occasional indulgence, they control their spending, their tongue, etc., and then food enters the equation and out the window goes control.  I'm certainly not speaking for all my friends, some are excellent examples of balance in almost every way...seriously no one is perfect.  I trust in that fact to keep myself from banging my head against a wall. 

It seems impossible to keep myself aware of who I'm hurting when I lose control.  I like to forget that I'm hurting myself, I like to think that it will be in my lifetime that they will invent the miracle pill that takes off my excess weight with ease and gives me the joints of a 18 year old.  I've really been struggling with anger while observing this period of Lent, I said I would not post weight but I have gone to the scale and raged over the fact that I fluctuate between no pounds lost and two.  Wow...big hairy deal, what the heck, are you kidding, this is ridiculous, why me, what is my problem and wah...wah...wah, why does everyone else get such amazing results?!  I was reminded that I didn't do this to lose weight and frankly I wanted to scream when I heard those words.  I was like, "I know, but seriously, who doesn't lose weight when they give up meat, treats, processed foods, etc.  Mad...mad...mad. 

So perhaps what I needed to learn during this season of Lent is that we don't always see the evidence of the good choices, works, words, or whatever it is we give up for any number of reasons in this lifetime.  Maybe my anger is the problem, if I don't see the results I think I should get, I get mad.  I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world whose ever done something positive to see change and never saw it.  Feeling sorry for myself, although enjoyable at times, is non-productive, will accomplish no lasting change and perhaps this older body of mine is just tired of my yo-yo habits.  The more I live the more I realize, I will never be done learning, growing and changing.  Perhaps learning to chose what is right simply for the sake of doing what is right should be my goal.  Regardless of the visible rewards. 

My Prayer:  "Change us from the inside out Lord and help us all to chose wisely each day what and who we will serve."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Seriously!!!

Having 17 or so days left until Lent is over is both a relief and a fearful expectation of what will happen in my mind, and in my hand to mouth action, when it is over. 

Today's Question:  "Will I go crazy or will I continue?"

Knowing that I make that decision is freeing and binding at the same time.  I think I know that if I don't carry on I will return to my normal unpredictable eating habits.  I do realize it is my choice, I just like to pretend that somehow what happens between me and food is outside of my control.  I'd prefer to be an innocent victim...over the guilty glutton.

I was driving home from church on Sunday morning and I was telling my husband about how one of our friends starting eating less and lost five pounds in a matter of days.   For over 20 days I've been eating fruits, vegetables, rice and whole grains.  No sugar, no white flour, no dairy, no...no...no...no.  Yep, pretty rigid but not starving and not unhappy.  Just very, very disappointed by how my body, unlike so many others, seems to never let go of fat.  You would think the weight would come off when for six days a week I eat the exact way most serious dieters, who see results, do!  I wanted to be mad but I told my husband that if I allowed myself I'd just burst into tears at the thought of how hard it is for me to lose weight. 

You may be thinking I was just having a pity party, you'd be right...I was.  However, the truth is that since this major change in my eating habits, I'd be stretching to say that I've lost two pounds.  Yep, it's true.  And although I take Sunday's off, I can honestly tell you that I don't go nuts.  I'm not consuming enough food to bulk me up for the week ahead.  I'll admit to some bad moments, but since I"m not used to eating a ton of junk, I simply can't eat that much anymore.  A very positive plus to this process. 

I get frustrated, mad, want to quit, think I should just give in and see if I could become the world's fattest fifty two year old woman, I'm tempted to get liposuction and a breast reduction, a painful but guaranteed way to lose weight.  I want to scream, yell, swear and lose it, but what's the point?  I'd likely freak out and then overeat to calm myself down.  Oh this part of my life is frustrating!!!

My Prayer:  "Lord, help!  Help me and every other person who struggles with something, anything, that makes them feel helpless, hopeless and out of control, and unable to change.  I know that I can change, I'm sure they do to, I just need you to show me, us, how.  Thinking we know the answers Lord and knowing them are two different things, let the truths we need to learn help us to change and find freedom from whatever bind us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day   :)

Spring is Helping

I have been in serious need of motivation lately, to write, to move, to clean, to cook, the list is endless.  I think the constant snow storms had blurred my vision and although I knew spring was coming I lacked the evidence needed to inspire.  And so....I sat, I did very little and I complained.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever forget, like I did, how truly blessed you are?"

Surprising as this may be for some, I'm not normally a complainer, I usually realize quite quickly what a great Country I live in, how fabulous my children and grandchildren are and how fortunate I am to have all my needs met.  However, that does not mean that the human factor that continues to inhibit my full devleopment, that's a nice way of defining my stupidity, hasn't kept me from remembering the aforementioned things.  Truly I am blessed.

The arrival of spring has been defeating the leftovers of winter and although we are still seeing some minus temperatures overnight, they are not able to prevent the awesome power of the sun from melting those huge piles of snow into wonderful puddles.  Puddles that remind me of my younger years and still compel me to step on them and free them from their icy hold.  So fun.  I love cleaning my mud and hay covered rubber boots in them after I feed the horses, I love the reflections of trees in the clear water puddles and I love how much clearer my mind is as I watch this glorious and long awaited transformation.  Oh spring I needed you.

Soon the buds on the trees will come, soon I will be seeing more than just a few spots of green grass, soon the tulips will show themselves and soon I'll be complaining about how hot it is.  Oh the pains of my humanity.  I'm so glad that our complaints have shifted from how cold it is to how quickly our cars get dirty with all the mush.  So happy to be buying extra washer fluid, so happy to be wearing a lighter jacket.  So glad I can take my grandkids outside without being worried a body part will freeze and so blessed to live in a Country with four seasons.  I truly love each and every season regardless of how long it takes them to come and the process reminds me of my need to change and God's patience and willingness to walk me through each season of my life. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to remember that each season is a reflection of our lives, some warm and sunny days to inspire, some dark and gloomy days for preperation, some rain for growth, and always the presence of your sun (son) to lead us through the darkness.  I'm so glad to know that the sun shines whether I see it or not.  Always so in awe of your creation for us, always inspired by your love.  Let us so quickly share as wonderfully and freely with others as you do with us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day      :)

Sundays Off

I have been on my Lent fast now for about two weeks, I have 20 plus more days to go.  So far so good.  Problem?  Sundays off.

Todays Question:  "Do you ever tell yourself that you will be moderate, self controlled and not lose it on your first day off from whatever it is you struggle with and have given up?"

To say....I DO...would be an understatement.  Havings Sunday's off is a wonderful blessing.  The first sunday I ate less than I thought I would, made healthy choices and treated myself to one of those 100 calorie chocolate bars and a few rolos.  Couldn't eat anymore, I was so impressed with myself.  This Sunday, the crazy bell went off in my head and I was ordering bread like the wheat farmers had announced a bread fast for the next ten years.  It was bad people...BAD...bad!  I had bread for breakfast, bread in taco shell form for lunch, it was a salad, and bread with bread for supper.  Tell me...who needs pizza bread with a bread strambolli?  Apparently I do.

I went to bread, did I say bread, I meant bed, with a bloated tummy and some voice of reason trying to penetrate my glazed over state, no doubt my mind was fogged by the yeast I'd consumed rising up from my belly to my brain.  I heard the voice asking; "Why do you do this to yourself?"  No answer, couldn't open my mouth because I was tired from chewing all that yummy crunchy bread.  However, I could still muster up enough emotion to be annoyed with myself.  There is hope for me.

Discovering once again that I'm a slow learner and a big sucky baby who wants what she wants when she wants it.  Pitiful I know.  And yet...I'm the same girl who has successfully been fasting for two weeks.  Something needs to come together in my head and combine this girl with a strong resolve, who is able to commit to things, and this chubby bread eating maniac who won't listen and create a balanced individual.  That is excatly what I need in my life.....BALANCE!!!!!

My Prayer:  "Please help us Lord when our true desires are defeated by our weaknesses and inability to deny ourselves.  Remind us of how truly great and willing You are to help us overcome in all our struggles."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Praise Report

I am just so thankful this morning as I sit sipping my tea in this snowy tundra I live in.  The sun is shinning and I'm sure the birds are singing somewhere, I've heard rumors it's happening in Edmonton. 

Today's Question:  "What are you thankful for?"

My praise reports is this:

My children are healthy....PTL!!!!!
My Grandchildren are healthy...PTL!!!!!
My husband loves me........PTL!!!!!
I can decide what I'll eat three times a day with snacks....PTL!!!!!
I have heat in my home and blankets....PTL!!!!
I have friends who love and support me....PTL!!!
I live in a Country where the majority of the people who protect me and my family are upright....PTL!!!

For those of you who may not know...PTL...Praise the Lord!!!!

The very same Lord whom I praise has prepared a place for me in glory, and if that wasn't enough, goes ahead of me on earth to prepare my way....PTL!!!!

I have never known what it is to be hungry...PTL!!!
I love my husband and he is my best friend...PTL!!!
I love Jesus...second to none....PTL!!!

I think you see why that when asked to give a praise report about what God has done, I never know where to start.  What He does that I can see and what I cannot is beyond description, cannot be reported because I have no idea exactly what He does to keep me, sustain me, protect me and all that I hold dear, on any given day.  And as remarkable as it seems He does exactly the same thing for you. 

I am blessed beyond measure, loved without condition and cared for in ways that I never thought possible.  I searched for many years to know a love like the one I have found in Christ and this love will last forever, it is a love without beginning and without end.  "Even before you were formed in the womb I knew you."  It is wonderful to be know fully and still loved endlessly...wonderful and for that I will to always PRAISE THE LORD.

My Prayer:  "That you would know the depths of love that our Father in heaven has for us, I pray you know how far He reached out to make you His own, and that His unconditional love would surround you and warm you as beautifully as the Son.  ;)

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Sweet Mother of Pearl

We finally got some more things moved from the other house yesterday.  We are taking baby steps to get this done to say the least.  However, we are moving forward and things are selling and we had a very nice family show interest in the house last night...so upward with the prayers, I am finally ready to truly let our house go.  And I would love to know that children will be sliding down the stairs again should this couple buy it. 

Today's Question:  "Do you ever resist change, long for change, resist change, long for change...like I do?"

The title of today's blog is meant to move me, and you I hope you into action.  It's an expression I like to use when something wonderful happens, and since I believe that I do have some ability in me to make wonderful things happen...I am made in the image of my Creator...I intend to do that.  Wonderful for today will mean getting the junk sorted out of the stuff we move and have moved, and letting it go to someone else who will exclaim; "Sweet mother of pearl."  When they find a new treasure that will work wonderfully in their home.  It's a good goal.

I am feeling spring around the corner in spite of this last little attempt of winter to hold us captive.  Spring is coming and I would love nothing more than to have the clutter out of my house and wiped from my mind...to which I will exclaim with undying gratitude to my Lord, sweet mother of pearl.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord help us to clean up our hearts, our minds and our homes, the places we truly live and the places where you reside."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Oh Lent...I relent.

And as the word relent defines, more lenient, compassionate and forgiving, milder, less severe etc., I shall endeavour to be those things to myself and others as we struggle in whatever form our bondage takes on.  Mine is definitely emotional eating. 

Today's Question:  "What will your soul searching and repentance lead you to change?"

As Lent began yesterday so I began my journey to change, turn, knock it off, smarten up.  Oops I relent, forgive yourself it's done, be compassionate you are human, don't be so hard on yourself or too severe.  Two words that work so well together to remind me that balance is good when making the necessary effort to change.  Two words that tie so wonderfully into the reason this Western Christian observes Lent. 

Sundays are a day of rest from whatever form your Lent takes, I love that we take them off because Sunday is Resurrection day.  The forty days with Sundays excluded reminds us of the time Jesus spent in the wilderness, hungry, cold, thirsty, lonely, perhaps angry, maybe a little depressed and maybe a little frustrated by the nature of the people He would die for.  But then the other "L" word comes to mind.  Love!!!!

Lent to me is about love, my love for Jesus and the sacrifices He has made for me.  I fast and think I'm so Christ like, I mean really fruits and vegetables people, ok I add rice, and some whole grains, alright nuts too.  Practically starving for sure.  Last night I had popcorn with only salt, no butter.  It was yummy, you see the things I do for the Lord.  I know I"m a sad case.  Remember Love. 

My first full day of Lent led me to a wonderful insight about what I truly need to become.  I was working hard to incorporate prayer into my Lent as God reminded me that I do fast, but I don't pray anymore than normal.  So I've been stopping to pray more.  I had gotten up from praying, due to kidneys and it was then that I felt the Spirit drop some wisdom into my head.  "You need to learn to make every conversation a prayer."  And there I sat thinking ...now you speak, while I'm...well I said I got up due to kidneys.  Then it hit me.  What would I be like if every conversation I had with any person was a prayer.  Not..."Oh Jesus and my friend hi, I pray you be blessed today, I'd love to chat but I don't know how to do that and pray at the same time.  But rather hearing every word spoken and appropriately applying prayer in the quiet of my mind whether I'm silent or speaking.  Wouldn't I be a better person?  Don't you think it would be difficult for me to keep praying and be critical at the same time.  Perhaps that gossip we do for the sake of prayer could be silenced if we believed our prayers were enough for that person who shares there pain and foolishly trust us with it. 

Oh relent Jenny please relent.  I think that a part of the battle I need to win is to silence my mind, to stop justifying my sin, to look at exactly who I am, love the good parts and continue to grow them, the not so lovely aspects of who I am, treat more severely but with compassion.  No point in beating myself up for my mistakes, the point is to change them, learn from them and for goodness sake....stop repeating them.

I love what Jesus did for us in that desert those forty days, we will never fully comprehend how great the victory was until that glorious day when we are face to face with Him.  We have a future and a hope and my prayer for all is that they would come to know the One who so willingly laid down His life for such an unholy and often selfish bunch.  Of which I am one.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day  :)

Oh Conviction....Get Lost

I'm sitting on my very comfy couch, watchng the snow gently fall in these aboslutely beautiful moutains that surround me in our condo in Radium.  Love, love, love the mountains.  Snow does not even bother me here.  Add to my already wonderful mourning, I'm sipping tea, I'm enjoying some alone time...Gord is sleeping in, and the sound of my dryer in the background makes me feel so warm.  Weird I know...but that's a sound I love, second favortie part is taking warm clothes out of the dryer and hugging them, especially towels...oh so snuggly.

Todays Question:  "What does all that have to do with conviction?"

While I sit on this comfy couch, I keep thinking about the sound of my voice.  The words that come out of my mouth, especially when I think about my husband.  We drove up yesterday afternoon, good trip, no fights, just the sound of my voice that breaks the silence when Gord drives.  "Slow down, you're freaking me out."  "It's slippery, do you have to go so fast."  He's doing the speed limit.  Crazy man I know.  "Do you know that every time you sip your coffee you wander all over the place.  Can't you focus on two things at once?"  Head shake, eye roll injected whenever and as frequently as necessary. 

Hold on...it gets worse.  The mountains are beautiful driving up, I see this beautiful heart shaped tree patch on the side of the mountain.  "Wow look at that."  He looks.  "Okay never mind, keep your eyes on the road."  He tries to look again.  "You are blind man, quit looking, watch the road."  Earlier I'd seen a hippo head.  "Look at the hippo head in the mountain, little ears and head just like the ones I saw in Africa, head and ears sticking out of the water."  "That's not a hippo."  He states.  I'm amazed he saw it.  "It only has one ear."  He adds.  "Well it had two but it took you so long to see it the view changed. Man you suck at this."  Yep not nice I know.  The grand finale....he reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder and says something about something...obviously I wasn't listening.  I say quickly, "I didn't hear you I was too shocked by the fact that you touched me."  Oh people I'm a keeper I tell you.  In my defense I did not marry the snuggle muffin or the King of compliments.   I did however marry a man who has a remarkable ability to put up with my nagavating...as he called it yesteray as we drove. 

My conviction.  I'm not very nice to my husband sometimes.  And the more couples I counsel, either for pre-marriage or marriage, the more I realize that the biggest problem all couples have, myself included in that all, is the tounque.  For some reason I think I'm allowed to talk to Gord like this, I mean he's got my life in his hands when he drives.  Right?  Of course I'm a superior driver.  And then more conviction...why do I treat the man I want to spend the rest of my life with the worst.  I see his faults, I assure you he has them, but when he got me....oh the man was blessed.  "When a man gets a wife he gets a good thing."  I love that scripture.  True most of the time.  But this is always true of my husband...always!  He takes such good care of his family.  Is he a talker, not always...more of a drag it outter.  Does he always express how beautiful and fabulous we all are...rarely, unless we talk about Tessa...good gravy the man is mush around Tessa.  He loves and wants what's best for his sons and when they struggle his heart truly aches for them.  I forget what a blessing it is to have a hard working, supportive, beleive in me man...at my side.  Some men suck...for the record and need to work on their lives....some women...same. 

The conviction I feel is justified.  Tame your tounque you wild woman.  You've been blessed with a man who is your perfect match....he's not perfect and truthfully...that's the match.

My Prayer:  "Help us Lord to guard the words of our mouth and the attitudes of our hearts as fiercely as the fires that burn.  Remind us of how truly blessed we are to have someone to share our lives and our burdens with and thank you that we are truly never alone."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Crash and Burn

So....two weeks later I return to the computer to write. 

Today's Question:  "Where the heck have I been?"

Avoiding!  One word answer.  Why?  Three pounds up after my crash and burn.  Fasted about 17 days, went to my sisters 40th birthday party...so fun.  Decided since you only turn 40 once, I mean whether it's you or someone else, you should celebrate with them.  It would be wrong not to...seriously wrong.  So I had a very tiny piece of cake with a very small bit of icecream, okay some chips, alright I had several cheese, cracker, meat and pickle creations, oh for crying outloud....I had already ate supper at my mom and dads.  I said I crashed and burned, didn't realize how bad until I started writing.  Which leads nicely back to why I've disappeared from the blogging earth until now.

So....what brings me back?  Started to regrip yesterday and it went well.  Can't imagine what I'd have weighed this morning if yesterday was not better.  I've learned through this process that I do not write when I'm not doing well.  That was not always the case but it has certainly become my pattern.  Write when I'm winning the battle, hide when I'm loosing it, and I don't mean pounds.  It's not a bad tactic my friends, it's just not a very honest one.  :(

These past few months have had me in stagnant mode, house still hasn't sold, waiting is not my strong suit.  Mixed emotions are finally going, I want it sold.  Selling the condo we never get to, although I'm going this weekend, having second thoughts and once again I'm in limbo land.  Have I ever shared with you my friends that I don't enjoy limbo land.  I'm the Queen of Let's Decide....NOW land.  Limbo land is where I've been living since September.  Plans that were based around the selling of our house have had to be put aside.  Have I ever mentioned that I hate not be able to plan...yep I said the H word.  I'm a planner and a doer.  Not a waiter and a seer. 

What does all this mean....I don't know.  I must be growing in an area where I need to grow...I mean besides in size...maybe paitence...waiting for God to move.  And then I think maybe...He's waiting for me to move.  Oh dear.  I'm feeling another crash and burn. 

My Prayer:  "Lord help us when change is hard, when plans we make fail, when things don't happen the way we want them too, when we lose sight of what truly matters.  Help us to help ourselves when possible and to trust in you completley while we wait for Your plans for us to manifest.  Truly you are a great God, keep us safe in and out of the fires and crashes that our lives can bring.  Thank You for Your FAITHFULNESS!!!!

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Triggers...And I Don't Mean Roy Rogers Horse. ;)

A couple of days ago I was sitting in our guest room admiring my beautiful granddaughter Scarlett, she was admiring herself in the mirror.  Sad to admit it but I have a guest room with a huge closet with mirrors...essentially a wall of mirrors, just what I needed.  Once again I was faced with the image of some fat woman who I was sure couldn't be me...but was.  Shocking!  I was sure my sitting side profile should be better by now so I made the assumption quickly that it must be the mirror.  I looked at Chantel's image in the mirror, same small beauty she's always been, checked out Scarlett in the mirror, same adorable little chubby cheeks.  No change.  Looked at their images again, looked at mine, ran screaming out of the room.  No I never...just wanted to.  ;)

Todays Question:  "Do you know what a trigger is?"

It is a emotional response to something, you see, hear, feel, taste, etc., that causes an instant emotional reaction, that can be either positve or negative.   It is called a trigger because it is like a rapid firing in your brain, sometimes you are conscious of it, sometimes you are not.   However, you always react when triggers are fired.  So my trigger, that seemingly unchanged image of myself in the mirror.  I knew it bugged me because I thought after dropping 23lbs total since the last time I'd seen a stange fat lady where I should be,  that I'd be happier with my mirror image.  Not!!!  So how did I react, well I just sucked it up, or so I thought and went on with my evening. 

And then came the morning, ate normal but was all of sudden in need of cookies, or chocolate, anything sweet.  I enlisted my daughter and grandsons company and off we went to the Organic Market, where I promptly sampled anything and everything that did not have anything in it that would break my 21 day fast,  I'm allowed only natural foods and no sugar.  I found yummy cookies, and a spectacular organic choclate bar with almonds and beet sugar, yep from a beet, that's natural.  So I ate those, surprisingly not all of them.  What was the problem?  I realized that my trigger was fired the day before and my brain did it's natural response a day late.  There is hope for me you see my friends ..I didn't go find the treats right away I waited a day.  Let's forget the fact that the Organic Market isn't open on a Sunday night okay?  Whatever!  I still never ate them all...still have some left and it's Wednesday. 

I decided to look in that mirror again and I realized that I looked much better standing up now, straight on, sideways and backwards.  Note to self...never walk into that bedroom naked.  No telling how many triggers would fire that day...I'm thinking machine gun.  ;)

I'm still 13 pounds lighter and I'm still doing very well as a Vegetarion, I am self-diagnosing my problems and maintaining some control over them.  Baby steps granted...but still moving forward.

I hope the next trigger I come across is a beautiful palamino horse. 

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day and God grant you the desires of your Heart.  :)

Ok...Change is Good.

I can't believe how much better I feel eating as a vegan.  I've done this before but something has shifted this time and I've got clearer vision.  Maybe it's because I haven't had that extremely uncomfortable over stuffed feeling.  I get that when I eat meat whether I eat little or much.  I also have a clearer mind, if you know me you know how much I need that.  ;)

Today's Question:  "Do you think change is good?"

I am usually a kicker against change, as in I change but I do it kicking and screaming.  This change has given me peace and I don't really understand why.  I truly believe that my focus on what I can have instead of what I can't has made all the difference.  This is what I want.  Normally when I fast I'm counting down the days until I can eat what I want again, this time I'm wishing I'd have committed to more and that's a huge change.  The biggest question I have is could I do this for a lifetime.  I think maybe I could if I gave myself meat holidays, seriously breaking my turkey on Christmas and Thanksgiving tradition would be too hard.  Easter ham...oh my...and then there is that bacon I grew up on.  Maybe I'll eat that on Valentines Day and Family Day...ha!  Silly I know.  My fear...which I know is the opposite of faith, is that if I eat meat once then I'll want it again.  Decisions to change are often as difficult as the changes themselves. 

This is what I know, if I want results I'll have to chose to change each and every day, and it will be a series of daily choices only I can make, wouldn't it be nice if someone else could make these dietary changes for us, in a painless way.  Sadly, changes never manifest when they are mere dreams and that is what I'm doing now.  My reality...one day at a time. 

My Prayer:  "God help us all to chose wisely making the most of each and every decision."

Be Blessed with a Beautiful Day.

The Funny Thing About Plans

This morning I am booked solid, car appointment at 9:15, clients at 10am and 12noon, two appts in the West End and one on the South side. 

Todays Question:  "How does one get from point A to point B on time?

Answer, with a car that will start.  And so answers the question as to why my plans have changed.  I'm hoping to still make all those appointments.  My handsome husband is riding his black steed to rescue me as I wait.  I didn't plan to write but since I have 15 minutes I figured I'd at least make a productive change in my plans.  I'm so grateful for husbands who come to rescue their wives at a moments notice.  What a blessing!

I was happy that the scale shifted this morning, would have liked to have stayed in bed but at least the near to one pound drop on the scale made me smile.  I'm not an early morning person, I love to be up early...just don't like to have to leave the house early.  Especially when it's cold outside.  I guess I got what what I wished for when my car didn't start.  I now have an extra 15 minutes at home.  Then I get to go outside to a freezing cold car and drive it to my other house, where I will rush to have a bath, do my hair/makeup etc., so I don't scare anyone this morning or show up late, not sure which would be worse.  Our water is finally safety approved though so soon I will be beautifying in my own home again.  Praise God.  Sure glad I had a second house to go to these past few weeks. 

The rumble of my princes steed is approaching the gate, his firey eyes illuminate the darkness that is morning awaiting the rise of the sun.  I feel rescued, delivered and set free.  I will ride off on my own black steed but united in heart we will always be...my prince and I.

My Prayer:  "May God rescue you from all the changes in your plans, may He even change your plans so that you can accomplish something that was unexpected in your day.  Trust in His ability to deliver you and be grateful on those days when he uses people to do it."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Slow to Change

It would appear that my new vegan lifestyle, at least for 21 days, perhaps more...is yielding a rather slow change.  No meat, not sugar, no dairy, no bread and no change in my weight.  What the heck?  I'm really not surprised because I've been acquainted with this body of mine for 52 years.  I seem to just love to hold onto things..even fat.  Pitiful.  ;)

Todays Question:  "Do you always get the result you expect when you make changes?"

The best example I have of this has nothing to do with weight.  Years ago I was at a ladies dinner at our church.  We were having a time of sharing what we'd learned and I was expressing that when my son got sick I came to realize that my house being perfect, my clothes, my hair...etc., no longer seemed so important to me.  The things that consumed my day slid quickly from my mind and I focused on what had real value, my child....my family.  I was speaking for myself and referenced the story of Mary and Martha in the bible, I was chosing to do what mattered most, not neglecting those other things of course, but finding balance.  I was quickly attacked by one of the other ladies as she took her turn to share, she was certain I was making a reference to her.  I was shocked, and so were the other ladies at this dinner.  I was gracious but I assure you I was mad. 

Part Two:  Next day, in my bathtub reading my bible, time to pray.  God says; "Today I'm going to teach you what it means to be a peacemaker."  Okay?  I said.  "I want you to call the lady who offended you and tell her you are sorry."  I was not overly excited about that for the obvious reason...I didn't do anything wrong.  I was happy to point that out to God.  However, God wasn't changing His mind and so I agreed and made the call.  Afterall I was learning what it meant to be a peacemaker.  I quickly apologized once the lady answered the phone and she promptly told me that if I was having an issue I should ask for help.  I bit my tonque and agreed.  I'd made peace and I learned something very important, regardless of whether your actions yeild the result you think they will you should do all you can to do what's right.  I will not pretend that I felt different about her actions but I made peace and it was easier to continue to attend church with her because I obeyed.

The result I wanted then is similar to the one I want now.  I want to see change, I wanted that lady to admit she was wrong and I want my body to respond to my much healthier lighter eating.  No such luck on both counts.  I will to do what is best regardless of the results.

Some day this world, my body, people, myself, will all make sense.  I'm certain that when that day comes, I'll be present with the Lord...until then....I press on living and learning...sometimes the easy way and sometimes the hard way.  The main thing...."Get wisdom and gain understanding...it is the principle thing."

My Prayer:  Your Word instructs that if anyone lacks wisdom they should ask you God...so please give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that we may know you more.

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day

Remarkable!

Today begins day 5 of my 21 day fast and I have to tell you....I feel great.  I have a clearer mind, way more energy and I'm not being ruled by that horrible food monster anymore.  I have decreased my load by three pounds and I am once again...11lbs lighter.  Should I say hello again, where have you been or stick around this time?  It would appear I get to decide.

Todays Question:  "Why don't I stick with what I know works when it makes me feel so much better?"

I'm not starving, contrary to what I thought.  I'm not craving anything and I"m enjoying the things I get to eat and focusing on that.  It's way easier when you don't focus on what you can't have.  Duh! 

It has been a very hectic week filled with some sad changes for some wonderful people...my heart aches over the things we have to go through on this earth.  My heart yearns for heaven and the wonders it will hold.  I am so looking forward to eternal life.  I'm so glad that I have a sure hope and I feel very sorry for people who don't.  I find I'm thinking about what it must be like to be an Atheist, some comments made, an article I read, got my mind going.  Early this morning I lay thinking about who I'd rather be when it's time for my life on earth to pass.  Someone who has a future ahead of them and beleives there is more, or someone whose life is simply over, done.  Seemed a no brainer to me but I guess their life on earth means more to them than mine does to me.  No doubt the people I love have whole sections of my heart and I don't want to leave them before my time...however...I know one day my time will come.  And when it does knowing that I will be with the people I love again...gives me all the strength I need to keep going in either home.  Praise God.

I pray that today you will find your way through what may seem like a valley of struggles.  I ask that God give you the peace that goes past all that you can understand.  I ask that He will fill you with a measure of joy that is uncontainable as you consider all that He has prepared for you.  I ask that He remind you of what a treasure you are to Him.  Would that the eyes of your heart be opened wide enough to catch a glimpse of His unfailing and unconditional love for you.  He know you completely and loves you still.  I pray you know how blessed you are.  :)

Have a Very Remarkable Day!

"Out of the heart....

...the mouth speaks."  And that is one of my most favorite scriptures and one of my least favorite depending on how my mouth is speaking on any given day. 

Todays Question:  "Do you ever see someone whose heart is so easy to read it's inspiring?"

Yesterday I went to the farmer's market to get some vegetables, in preparation for my Daniel fast that starts Monday, Tessa and Zayin were with me and I was in charge of getting the stroller from the car.  I was a little pokey at my task so they were already inside waiting.  Working on my balance in the slush was a challenge but I was happy, the sun was shining. I was a little slow moving so I wasn't surprised when a man walked past me, I was surprised when he said.  "Hi."  No great statement, no amazingly new comment, nothing to write home about.  Just "Hi."  However, I could tell that this man, who was likely in his 40's, was by the worlds standards handicapped mentally.  His simple "Hi", was spoken again as I watched him passing a women heading out of the mall as we were making our way in.  She acknowledged him and then I dropped my shopping bag, I try to be a good recycler, I usually forget the bags in the car.  With my arm full of stroller and purse I did manage to pick up the bag, the woman was about to help me.  Inspired by my new friend, Mr. Hi man, no doubt.  I smiled at her and said, "Isn't it nice when someone is so friendly."  She looked puzzled at first but then realized I was talking about the man who said hi to both of us, she smiled and continued on her way.

I walked into the mall thinking that it's funny, in that sad way, that the world calls that man handicapped.  He said one word...HI...but that word was so packed full of genuine heart felt love toward his fellow human beings that it was tangible, I felt it go right through my rushed state and penetrate my heart.  I smiled at him and said hi right back, the lady coming from the mall responded to him but I couldn't hear it, she avoided eye contact and keep walking.  However, he impacted her I beleive, as she quickly bent down to help me get my shopping bag.  "Out of the heart the mouth speaks."  The power in one word when it comes from a heart so full of love amazed me yesterday and it is still amazing me today.

How do I get to the place where my heart is filled with so much love for the people around me that they feel it?  Whether I say one word or twenty....how indeed?

My Prayer:  "Lord create in all of us hearts so beautiful we inspire others.  Forgive us for using our words to hurt, remind us that we can use them to heal and the result are so much greater.  Let our hearts speak love remembering how unconditional and amazing your love is for us."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day