Are They Kidding?

I heard or saw an advertisement yesterday for a talking scale.  My brain did what I like to call a "instant disconnet".  That means I couldn't think about it when I saw the ad because I was in shock.  I had to go to town so as I drove my mind did what I like to call a "slow recall", and I started thinking about...

Todays Question:

"Who in the Sam of hello would want a talking scale?"

When I go to the Dr. for that yearly checkup once every 3 or 4 years, (I know), I get weighed on one of those livestock scales.  I find myself hoping that the girl weighing me in will not yell out how much I weigh.  Have you ever noticed that no matter what octave the girl is actually talking in when she says your weight it echos throughout the building.  I want to yell back,   "I'm not deaf for crying outloud woman, keep your voice down."  And should that poor girl be heavier than I am once again I want to scream, "Let's see how much you weigh missy, then I'll yell it out for all the world to hear."  If she's skinnier than me, which is most often the case, I'm quiet, but people are usually quiet just before violence erupts.  :)

Are you enjoying the glimpse into my twisted mind so far?  I hope so.  Back to the talking scale, can you imagine the kind of trouble my husband would be in if he got me one of those for Christmas.  Oh dear.  I fear a man must have invented these stupid talking scales.  This is how I know, my husband decides he needs to weigh, he trots happily up the stairs, steps on the scale with authority, reads what it says outloud, like he's proud of it....regardless of whether he's up or down.  How in the #!# & *#!, do men manage to do this.  Then he hops off, doing this strut thing, chest out, hands on belly...I hope your sitting...he's smiling!!!!   He's not even concerned, and more shocking than that, if we have company he'll go down and tell people how much he weighs, in fact he'll tell anyone who asks him at anytime.

Here is what happens when I weigh, if people are in the house I'm concerned they may hear the scale so I step on it quietly.  Just in case they hear it and then ask what it says.  Oh that makes me tremble!  I will mention it if I've lost weight, but only to those chosen few who know not to ask that dreaded, "How much do you weigh now?" question.  I'll tell you how old I am anytime day or night, but I will not tell you how much I weigh unless you've earned my undying trust.  Could you imagine what kind of madness would go on in this house if my scale talked.  I'd be throwing myself over the speaker to keep it from talking outloud, if that didn't work the people of Beaumont would drive by our house and wonder why we had a scale in our front yard, a smashed one no less  Do you know how hard it is just to know your weight in your head?  Why on earth would I want some male voice belting out how much I weigh like I should be happy or worse, some female voice judging me regardless of her monotone efforts.  Seriously.

More questions.  Does the talking scale make other comments?  For example, you weigh ---lbs, maybe you should lay off the cookies, or my goodness you've actually lost a pound, it's been 4 months since you've lost a pound...amazing.  How about, for crap sake woman my arm is spinning. I don't go that high...get off me now!!!  Or my favorite expression, are you flippin kidding?  Can you order more empathetic talking scales that say things like; dont worry about it I know lots of people who weigh so much more.  You hide your weight so well, or my husbands favorite comment to me if I lose a pound or two, "A good wind will come up and blow you to Calgary if you are not careful."  I love when he says that, my mind instantly thinks. yes dear a tornado wind.  Likely the scale would garner the same thought.  I wouldn't beleive it either. 

So if you planned to buy me a talking scale for Christmas please don't.  I've been known to lash out at inatimate objects in the past and I cannot be trusted.  Some things shouldn't be invented, and should you have one of these horrid creatures in your home I feel for you, unless your a man of course and then I'm happy you have someone who blurts out your weight as readily as you do.  :)

My Prayer:  "Lord I love that you love us regardless of what of we struggle with, remind us often of that amazing love."

Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day