Having 17 or so days left until Lent is over is both a relief and a fearful expectation of what will happen in my mind, and in my hand to mouth action, when it is over.
Today's Question: "Will I go crazy or will I continue?"
Knowing that I make that decision is freeing and binding at the same time. I think I know that if I don't carry on I will return to my normal unpredictable eating habits. I do realize it is my choice, I just like to pretend that somehow what happens between me and food is outside of my control. I'd prefer to be an innocent victim...over the guilty glutton.
I was driving home from church on Sunday morning and I was telling my husband about how one of our friends starting eating less and lost five pounds in a matter of days. For over 20 days I've been eating fruits, vegetables, rice and whole grains. No sugar, no white flour, no dairy, no...no...no...no. Yep, pretty rigid but not starving and not unhappy. Just very, very disappointed by how my body, unlike so many others, seems to never let go of fat. You would think the weight would come off when for six days a week I eat the exact way most serious dieters, who see results, do! I wanted to be mad but I told my husband that if I allowed myself I'd just burst into tears at the thought of how hard it is for me to lose weight.
You may be thinking I was just having a pity party, you'd be right...I was. However, the truth is that since this major change in my eating habits, I'd be stretching to say that I've lost two pounds. Yep, it's true. And although I take Sunday's off, I can honestly tell you that I don't go nuts. I'm not consuming enough food to bulk me up for the week ahead. I'll admit to some bad moments, but since I"m not used to eating a ton of junk, I simply can't eat that much anymore. A very positive plus to this process.
I get frustrated, mad, want to quit, think I should just give in and see if I could become the world's fattest fifty two year old woman, I'm tempted to get liposuction and a breast reduction, a painful but guaranteed way to lose weight. I want to scream, yell, swear and lose it, but what's the point? I'd likely freak out and then overeat to calm myself down. Oh this part of my life is frustrating!!!
My Prayer: "Lord, help! Help me and every other person who struggles with something, anything, that makes them feel helpless, hopeless and out of control, and unable to change. I know that I can change, I'm sure they do to, I just need you to show me, us, how. Thinking we know the answers Lord and knowing them are two different things, let the truths we need to learn help us to change and find freedom from whatever bind us."
Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day :)
Today's Question: "Will I go crazy or will I continue?"
Knowing that I make that decision is freeing and binding at the same time. I think I know that if I don't carry on I will return to my normal unpredictable eating habits. I do realize it is my choice, I just like to pretend that somehow what happens between me and food is outside of my control. I'd prefer to be an innocent victim...over the guilty glutton.
I was driving home from church on Sunday morning and I was telling my husband about how one of our friends starting eating less and lost five pounds in a matter of days. For over 20 days I've been eating fruits, vegetables, rice and whole grains. No sugar, no white flour, no dairy, no...no...no...no. Yep, pretty rigid but not starving and not unhappy. Just very, very disappointed by how my body, unlike so many others, seems to never let go of fat. You would think the weight would come off when for six days a week I eat the exact way most serious dieters, who see results, do! I wanted to be mad but I told my husband that if I allowed myself I'd just burst into tears at the thought of how hard it is for me to lose weight.
You may be thinking I was just having a pity party, you'd be right...I was. However, the truth is that since this major change in my eating habits, I'd be stretching to say that I've lost two pounds. Yep, it's true. And although I take Sunday's off, I can honestly tell you that I don't go nuts. I'm not consuming enough food to bulk me up for the week ahead. I'll admit to some bad moments, but since I"m not used to eating a ton of junk, I simply can't eat that much anymore. A very positive plus to this process.
I get frustrated, mad, want to quit, think I should just give in and see if I could become the world's fattest fifty two year old woman, I'm tempted to get liposuction and a breast reduction, a painful but guaranteed way to lose weight. I want to scream, yell, swear and lose it, but what's the point? I'd likely freak out and then overeat to calm myself down. Oh this part of my life is frustrating!!!
My Prayer: "Lord, help! Help me and every other person who struggles with something, anything, that makes them feel helpless, hopeless and out of control, and unable to change. I know that I can change, I'm sure they do to, I just need you to show me, us, how. Thinking we know the answers Lord and knowing them are two different things, let the truths we need to learn help us to change and find freedom from whatever bind us."
Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day :)
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