These last couples days have been very significant for me in a way that I never thought would even be an issue in my life. For over 45 years I've been riding horses, for over 44 I've ridin with tons of confidence, no fear, mixed with a healthy respect for how powerful horses are and how dangerous forgeting that could be. I have trained most of my horses myself and never had any issues with any of them, less a few clitches during the training process. Turns out I've been very blessed with great horses and didn't realize how rare that could be.
Todays Question: "Have you ever had to regain confidence in an area where you thought you had all you needed?"
I now have, thanks to a beautiful black Morgan gelding named Electric. He was the first horse I bought that I didn't train. I'd say he'd be the last but my two new, trained horses, would prove that statement false. Electric was supposed to be a very well trained horse. I was told that he had thousands of dollars in training invested in him. Turns out someone lied to this sister. Buy hey, it can happen to anyone. For the first few months we got along great, he was a highly spirited horse but I was having fun...until. He decided to back up one day and I thought go ahead you silly horse, you'll run into the fence. Turns out he had other plans, he fell over. I hit the ground with a thump, ouch. Lost my glasses and when he rolled over the saddle stirrup left a nice hole in my ankle from the weight. My bruised tailbone did not stop me from getting back on that horse. Let's say I had, elevated anger issues at that moment. I rode him, then put him away. My husband was upset to say the least, I was riding by myself and it could have been so much worse. I would now be the person who rode Electric when people were around. Bad news, he kept getting worse and I now had something foreign to me when it came to riding horses...fear. He'd start to act up and I'd want off...quickly. Jumped off once and scared him, the scar on my ring finger, left hand, reminds me I should let go of the reins when I jump off. Years of western training taught me to hold on, don't want to be without a horse in the middle of nowhere.
I'm sure you get my point, that horse bred fear in me. Something that has destroyed my confidence in my ability to ride. Three days ago I stood with my new horse Grundy, for the second time with a chair beside him, thinking about riding. I'd sat on him bareback four days before, didn't go anywhere but liked how fast I could get off without the saddle. Quick escapes seem to be my new goal when it comes to horseback riding. Talk about planning my own demise. Two days ago I braved the bigger fenced field. Alone! Everything in me wanted to call Gord to lead me, he'd done that a week before and I was again scared...in that saddle. I stood beside my very patient horse for at least 15 minutes. Thinking about getting on, I got on with a bareback pad, got off quickly...didn't like that pad. Inhibited my ability to get off quickly, took it off. Then stood again on that chair deciding if I should get on. I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. So stressed. I prayed...I got on. I hugged Grundy, grateful he'd been so patient and trying to win his favor at the same time. Please love me enough not to kill me horsey. :)
Long story shorter. I didn't die on that short ride so yesterday I braved my Grundy a second time, bareback and much braver than the day before. We rode the open field, we trotted, I didn't die...we galloped...I loved it. My confidence is being restored...this amazing horse seems to sense my fear and is helping me to rebuild something I've always had. Isn't that odd? I will add that he also tries to test my fear, he occasionally ignores my commands to see if I'll be the chicken I was the day before and get off. He's not stupid, carrying me is work he'd rather avoid. Lucky for him I'm still down 14 pounds, if I'd have wrote yesterday I was back to 15 pounds down. All that exercise yesterday made me gain weight again. Or maybe it was the popcorn at Robin Hood...great movie that inspired me to ride.
My Prayer: "There are so many things we take for granted Lord. Once something is lost we see how truly valuable it was. Help us all to take nothing for granted and to put our confidence in You. The only place where a wonderful end result is guaranteed."
Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day
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