This morning I'm feeling empowerd, maybe it's because I bought a new Yoga video and I plan to use it. I have been very good at becoming more active as per my commitment...so far, that's my disclaimer in case I need it later...so far. Human nature likes having an out, ok my nature is to have a way out. I'm going to try and ignore that nature and become someone who likes exercise.
Todays Question: "Have you ever thought about how feel about you?"
Yesterday, while on my way with my husband to visit our pretty little granddaughter Scarlett, I noticed when we got out of the car that my reflection wasn't as fat as it used to be. (Disassociation, implying that my reflection isn't me.) Not only from straight on but from the side...my reflection has changed. I said to my husband; "When I see my reflection I'm not as fat as I used to be, I'm no where near as big as I once was...weird." He said; "Yeah! You are a mere shadow of your former self." Husbands, prone to exaggeration from time to time. He also likes to tell me that a good wind could come up and blow me to Calgary. I assure him it would have to be a tornado wind. I appreciate that he's doing his best to be complimentary, if you recall he lacks that gift. :)
What does that have to do with how I feel about me...you may be asking. Well, when I see my reflection and it's not as big as I think it should be, I experience disassociation. I don't see me, I see someone else I'm not familar with reflecting back at me. I have two feelings when that happens, joy and fear. Fear that it won't last, and joy that I'm liking what I see. Next question; "Who is this lady?" Another very good question for me to ask myself. I think it's still me, I think I'm still the same, however, my security blanket of fat is getting smaller. It used to cover my entire being, now I'm feeling a little exposed. Honestly, I got a chill when I saw that reflection, fear could easily be referred to as a chill.
Let's talk about the past for a moment. Normally after I see a reflection of myself I look for food, it just so happens that Treasured Memories, my daughter-in-laws store, has a wringer washing machine by the counter with a ton of chocolates and candies in the tub. It's for customers and their children, Chantel's mom very loving fills it and has even added healthier snacks for the kids...so thoughtful. And since I'd just seen a slimmer reflection of myself, I quickly devoured not one but three of the milk chocolates, or was it four from the tub (speaking of tubs). Saving grace, small individually wrapped chocolates. Thank God! I was not hungry and I do not usually indulge, so I knew it was fear causing me to eat and my past was once again repeating itself. Please note that Cassie allowed me a diet Coke, so grateful. That pop seemed to wake me from my fear induced chocolate comma and I ate up my pretty granddaughter instead. She's so much more satisfying.
Problem? I have got to quit being afraid of my slimmer self. I need to trust that I shall continue to be the person I am regardless of size. I will not become some horrid, I look fabulous monster who makes everyone else who needs to lose weight feel bad because they haven't. I will not sacrifice the truth that is Jesus...He will always be the truth in my life. I will remember that it is the inside, the heart that truly makes or breaks a person...not the pounds, not the fat. I will never be a slave to food again and if that means I have to see my own reflection and be comfortable with it...so be it. I will remember that if God is with me, who can be against me. Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world.
Remember...I beleive my greatest enemy is myself. The other one...he's been defeated. Praise God.
So...walk on...press on...stop being a doubter, start embracing the entire you...no matter what reflection you see, if you don't like something...change it...you decide, because it is about you.
My Prayer: "Lord, as always we need your help, your guidance and your direction. Remind of us truly powerful your Spirit is in us."
Be Blessed with a Wonderful Day.
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