Pants I Couldn't Wear

Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to do up the last two buttons on since I stole them from my husband years ago.  I know thou shalt not steal but he does not like button fly so yoink, mine now.  I love everything about those jeans especially that they are his.  Now I like them even more because I don't have to tuck those last two buttons in when I wear them with a baggier shirt.  You would be surprised by the things those of us who struggle with weight do to look decent. 

Todays Question:  "Do you feel fatter when you change sizes or wear things you haven't been able to wear for years?"

I do.  I was driving home from supper out last night and I felt very uncomfortable in those newly done up jeans.  I had a salad for dinner not a pound of pasta so I knew it wasn't about what I ate.  I realized as I drove, wanting to undo that top button, that changing sizes was the problem.  Now that I can do up all these old jeans, I couldn't bring the buttons or the zippers together on before, I'm feeling fatter.  I'm obviously not fatter but I was surprised that I felt fatter.  I was thinking that I should just stay in those loose comfortable jeans that are baggy in the butt and the gut.  I feel so much slimer in those now.  No circulation issues, as in I cut it off.  No roll that has shrunk but now looks bigger in tighter jeans.  What is up with those pants I couldn't wear?  I couldn't wait to fit into them before I was 14 pounds lighter.  Now I'm in them and they make me feel fat. 

Once again the complex nature of the female mind baffles me.  I wonder if a person of the female gender ever feels completely fabulous for an entire day about how she looks and feels.  I tell you ladies I would love to stand in a mirror with my pot belly stickin out and tell my significant other how hot I am.  I know men who do that.  No matter how big they get or what kind of shape they are in so many men, not all, are able to see themselves in a way that only they can.  It is weird and yes...I am jealous.  They seem to have missed that whole I'm so fat and yucky gene. 

I am happy that I can wear jeans I haven't worn in a long time, sizes I haven't visited for years and shirts that begged me not to wear them in the past for fear of ripping.  I'm glad that I feel better in all my clothes, even my coats are more comfortable.  I also missed the gene that blames the dryer for shrinking jeans and shirts that have been washed a hundred times, that's my husband favorite reason for tight clothes.  Men are so delusional at times.  I truly love that about them.

I'm learning from the slow nature of this journey to drop fifty one pounds that I have never been happy with my body, even when I was my skinniest.  I've had moments when I've felt really good about how slim I was and then someone or something reminded me I could still lose more.  That translates into the message that is in so many of our heads, we could always look better.  What a stupid message.  I plan to change the message in my head one day at a time, I will to accept that I look good regardless of what others, including myself, think.  Not because I'm flawless but because I'm human, not perfect but loved without condition.  If God loves me so much, and He does, why shouldn't I?

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.