I Hope You're Sitting Down

I'm a little slow to write today because I was too busy with my cute little grandson, then once I had the time I realized I was trying to avoid writing.

Today's Question:  "Do you ever want to share something and don't want to share it at the same time?"

If so, you understand what it's like to be in the boat I seem to be sailing in today.  I hoped you were sitting down because I dropped two pounds, I have now lost 15 pounds.  I wanted to write and I didn't want to write because once I've told you I'm lighter, if I'm up tomorrow, blasted scale, shouldn't have told you.  If I don't tell you and I'm still lighter, I should have written, my desire is to always be honest.  And then I wonder why the battle, what's the big deal?  I've already gained and lost probably ten pounds since I started this blog.  It's not like any of you have ever done anything but encourage and support me.  What am I so afraid of?

Once again the answer is my own success.  I knew I felt lighter but the scale wasn't confirming it, so I was relaxed and happy to be in clothes I couldn't do up three weeks ago.  Next question; Why am I happier with no evidence that I'm lighter?  Good question, the only answer I can come up with is that once I see the proof that I'm lighter, I get nervous.  The proof for me is the scale.  How silly is that? 

Reality, I'm still afraid to be slim, still thinking I'll become someone other than who I am now.  Ridiculous I realize but true.  So, I'm going to work really hard not to self-sabatoge, that is my pattern.  I'm going to accept this change as a good thing.  I do feel good in my smaller clothes, I am happier with how I look, I just need to stop being afraid of the evidence.  It would seem I've made the scale my judge and jury and that needs to end.  My beautiful son is a fan of the tatoo, across his back it says; "Only God Can Judge Me."  It is truth and something I need to remember.  I must stop judging myself in a wrong way regarding my weight.  Stay where I am and feel the same, get smaller and risk feeling different.  But different does not have to be bad and different does not mean that the core of who I am changes. 

My Prayer:  "God help me to remember that change is good, that you are new every morning and remarkably the same yesterday, today and forever.  It's okay to be new and the same."

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day/Night.