Those Inward Looks

Todays Question:  "Why is it that looking inside is so much harder than looking outside?"

I would like there to be some tangible, fixable outside reason for my slow and pokey progress.  I weighed this morning and I'm up two pounds, I'm not suprised or annoyed, I'm still swollen as my fingers, toes, legs, lets just admit it, enitre body feels like a sore and bloated version of the Michelin tire man.  If you wonder why I put sore in there it's because I exercised for half an hour the day before yesterday on the exercise ball.  Those stomach muscles felt so strong at the time, now I sit up and am sure I'm going to rip something open.  Ouch!!!  I am happy to find out that under my fat there are still some muscles....good news indeed.

I have got to do some looking inside/outside for the evidence of change that HAS taken place in my life.  So, what has changed inside, I'm no longer using food to over medicate my feelings.  I said "over" because sometimes I do still want food for comfort.  As in chocolate almonds while Gord was in the hosptial.  Big difference 4 one day 6 the next.  In the past, big bag no point in counting them just eat them all.  Outside evidence, I have gone from a six 16 pant loose and comfy, to a size 12 pant not baggy but not the least bit uncomfortable.  I find the smallest size at the fat lady store too big. so I no longer shop there.  Yay!  I notice my face is not as fat, let me just say I see more wrinkles, I'm going to believe it has nothing to do with fat pushing them out.  Oh dear.  Inside, happier because I feel more in control of my life, not only regarding food choices but also learning to make decisions about what I will and won't do based on how I"m feeling.  I've made way too many decisions in the past based on other peoples needs.  I'm not going to stop being a person who gives and helps others, I just need to know I'm in a place at that moment to give it.  If I'm not...I don't do it.  Huge change inside/outside for me.

I could go on but I think I have reminded myself that I am going forward whether the scale goes up or down.  Either way my life is changing and I'm taking it one day at a time just like God says.  "Each day is sufficient enough for itself."  I  love that.

I know that 12 pounds may not seem like a large amount of weight, but...I've kept myself from gaining weight and quitting.  That is no small feet for me.  A weight gain has always meant a surrender.  I don't have a white flag anymore and I'm not waving it, physically or mentally.  I am as committed to this process as I am to every other important person and work in my life.  It must be done for the good of this 51 year old body and the quality of life I plan to enjoy.  I continue to need Gods help, the encouragment I get from so many of you and the support I get from my family, watching my husband overeat really helps me. ;) 

I am going to learn to do these little outside/inside, could also be called emotional/physical checks from time to time.  What I have always needed in my life is balance.  The funny thing about balance is you can be so great at it in one area and so bad at it in another.  I'm working on it and that is the best thing I can do for myself and the best thing you can do for yourself.  Never give up.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.