THE RAMBLINGS OF A 52 YEAR OLD WHO'D LIKE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE WITH HER WORDS

Monday, November 2, 2009

I need to stop!

Here we go ahead...I'm up a pound...not liking that but have to tell you, I deserve it this time.  I was going to throw out the leftover chocolate bars and chips, I convinced myself that was a waste and I'd send them to work with Gord.  I hung them out of sight on a door knob, problem, I knew where I hung them.  I should have gotten Gord to hide them, who am I kidding, he'd have got them for me if I asked, when it comes to treats he's weaker than I am, if you can imagine.  I use the word "if" loosely.

Todays Question:  "So now what, I'm frustrated and I know it's my own doing?"

I want to stop, I don't want to stop, that was yesterday's battle.  I knew when I got away with eating too much on Friday, that Saturday would be trying, I should have anticipated that Sunday would be worse. You would think that after all these years I'd know my patterns by now.  It would appear that dillusional is a state of mind that I enjoy and I need to stop that with frequent reality checks.  Before I indulge...not after.

I keep telling myself that if I don't feel full I'm going to lose weight.  Why?  Don't look at me for the answer, I have no clue.  I mean really if you feel hungry you shouldn't be gaining. 

This morning I did not want to write this blog, I'm sure you can figure out why.  I don't mind being the same and I don't mind losing, I hate writing when I'v gained.  I don't feel like I've gained anything, I actually feel more like a loser, however, the scale confirms that I have more.  Funny thing about more, it's not always what you need, and it does not satisfy. 

So now what?  I'll be needing your prayers if you can spare one or two, I have to see today for its potential and start again, before this downward spiral catapults me into an upward soar.  I've been soaring all weekend and it's time for me to get my feet back on the ground.  The holiday is over, the work week has begun. I need to stop!

Be blessed with a wonderful day.

2 comments:

  1. oh Jenny . . . i guess part of this journey is blogs just like today - realizing that a lifetime of patterns doesnt just stop but you are addressing it and working through it - LOVE IT . . . once you have the formula down can you pass it along to me :-)

    oh and by the way . . . STOP IT!!!

    Vaness

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