I have discovered this morning that I can't write with a clear mind, or heart for that matter, when I've been a jerk. No other word for it, wish there was. I was miserable when I woke up this morning, propably caused by a caffine overdose in the chocolate bar form. I've gained a pound. Those stupid little chocolate bars apparently add up. I'm sure I only had ten or twelve, well I'm almost sure, one little bag of potatoe chips, supper, and a couple more chocoate bars for dessert, one chip, and then I said enough already.
Todays Question: "Why did it take me so long to say enough?"
Answer, didn't want to stop, didn't feel full, didn't have a tummy ache, didn't care. Oh my, I told you I have a bad attitude this morning. I've already had to go apologize to my husband, I was projecting my anger and he was nicely taking it. Good news, I still have a conscience, so there is hope for me.
It seems the past was coming back to haunt me, I'd have prefered a cute little dressed up ghost. I felt this mood swing coming as I filled my bread bowl with chips and chocolate bars, I was missing my babies. Why do kids grow up so fast? Why does your heart ache when you remember their cute little costumes and faces? Why can't they stay young and why can't I ignore the reason in my head when I ask questions like that? I know they have to grow up, I am so happy that God has blessed my children with wonderful spouses, beautiful children and best of all, they spend lots of time with us. Gordon, Chantel and my...on the way...sixth grandchild, came and spent the night with us, good timing. I really needed that. I noticed the chocolate bar feedings stopped shortly after their arrival. Only God knows how great the damage would have been if they hadn't shown up. Whew!
Good new, I can still find the positives in the midst of being so sorry for my behavior, they are as follows:
1. I did not dive head first in the treat bowl.
2. I went and said I was sorry quite quickly after being a jerk, only 10-15 minutes, could have been hours.
3. I stopped eating before I felt sick.
4. I recognized that it's okay to miss your little children.
5. I'm so happy I love my grown children and the additions they have blessed us with.
6. I'm a jerk sometimes, thank God I can see that and make a change.
7. I only gained a pound.
8. And last but not least, I did way better this Halloween than I ever have. Praise the Lord.
I could go on, but that's enough positives. Remember I'm not really in the mood.
I am learning, slowly but surely, that I am a complex human being with a multitude of emotions, way too many choices, and more strength than I often realize I have. I need to remember that I can do all things and stop thinking that I can't. God will help me, I'm still struggling with asking.
Be blessed with a wonderful day.
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