Mrs. Grumpy Pants

I'm always surprised by the reasons I get grumpy and I shouldn't be since they happen a few times a year, Mother's Day, a few days before Christmas, a week or so before the 3rd of Febuary and a week or so before the 5th day of August.  All days that remind me that my Calvin is with Jesus and not with his mom.  Although that makes me very happy it can also make me very grumpy, not the with Jesus part but the part where I miss him the most on those days and think about him constantly before, during and after.  I think about him every single day and I always will, it's just that those days are significant markers for me.  Both Christmas and Mother's Day are family times for us and since Calvin isn't here...sad mommy.  His birthday is the 3rd of February and I would love to celebrate with him but I can't for now...sure glad I will have an eternity to make up for the ones I've missed.  And the 5th of August is the day he met Jesus and I watched him go.  He was very happy and as strange as it may seem, I was too.  He was very tired and destined for greater things.  God gave me three remarkable children, I'm hoping I get to be with Gordon and Tessa until Christ returns, Calvin will meet us in the air with Jesus.  That keeps this grumpy momma going.

Todays Question:  "What void do you try to fill with food?"

For me the answer is Calvin, I can assure you nothing has ever tasted sweet enough or satisfied me enough to accomplish that impossible task but for some weird reason I keep trying.  Pitiful isn't it?  Yesterday I was miserable, it took all I had just to be friendly and I decided that the cure to my problem was a maple pecan danish from Tim's and then a Big Mac from McDonalds for lunch, I had no fries people..I'm not a complete failure.  :)   I ate both trying to figure out why.  I finally figured it out on our way to dinner and to watch Erin do an amazing job singing.  I'm grumpy because the 3rd is coming, I'm eating to ease the pain and to find comfort once again.  I ordered nachos, the cheese would help, didn't.  I had a bowl of soup instead and gave away my nachos.  Better.  I knew what the problem was and overeating or eating something I didn't enjoy made no sense...even to me...who knew?  So now I know what my problem is I'm hoping I can stop myself.  I need to sit in my grief and deal with it. It's not going to stop coming until I'm in heaven with Jesus and Calvin.  Those are the facts.

I need to learn that I cannot subsitute feeling with eating.  I can't stuff my feelings down because they come up regardless of how much I try to eat to stuff them.  I'm not a turkey people...okay I act like one from time to time, but I am not one.

Life is hard and things happen that we all wish we could change.  Why do we think avoidance tactics like overeating, being miserable, rude, drinking, smoking, drugs...oh I could go on, will in any way shape or form change the hard things we humans often have to deal with.  I can feel sorry for myself, and sometimes I do, but at the end of my sniffling I remember how truly blessed I am.  I got seventeen years with one of three of the most remarkable people I know.  I will have an eternity to spend with all the people I love and miss and I know without a doubt that I'll understand everything then.  For now I walk in faith, I know that Jesus has my baby and He has me too.  He'll keep those who trust in Him safe and secure eternally.  I love that and I must remember how truly blessed I am.  Mrs. Grumpy Pants knows in the inner most parts of her heart that she has been remarkably gifted and unconditionally loved by a most Holy and Wonderful God.  It will be okay.

Be blessed with a Wonderful Day.