Baby Steps

So this mornings weigh in reveals that although I am still 51 years old, I have now only got 50 pounds to lose.  And for the record I weighed multiple times to get an accurate reading.  Some of you may be surprised by this but you "can" manipulate a scale...especially the industrial strength ones like mine.

Third morning, one pound.  To quote a famous shrink..."How does that make you feel Jenny?"  Well Dr. P. let me tell you.  Good...and...hungry.  Probably because I haven't had breakfast yet.  I mean really who weighs after they eat?  Those people who don't care about their weight that's who.  My husband has been know to weigh completely clothed, imagine.  Then he just subtracts a few pounds.  That stresses me out just thinking about it. I have yet to look at the deeper meaning of this one, but my watch and necklace are the only things that weigh in with me.  Oops...adjustment...I've lost one pound and a quarter ounce.  :)

Back to the question of how I feel.  Strong, determined and a bit scared.  This will be difficult for some of you to understand and way too easy for others but follow me it will make sense I promise.  I'm comfortable being fat.  Yep...that's the truth.  I trust myself more with weight on, I know who I am with extra weight on.  My extra pounds haven't kept me from living, and I do what I want, with the exception of wearing a bikini or skin tight clothes, you should all be grateful for that.   I go swimming, yes in a bathing suit, I ride horses, not ponies though, I get dressed up and I go out with my family and this will be huge for some of you I realize, I don't care who I run into or what they think of my weight...as long as I have my make-up on.  I'm still a woman.  My point is that weight has not held me back at all, and I know for many people that is not the case.  I truly embrace who I am even if I have to use both arms.  I know that I have extra weight on but the body I see in the mirror does not scare me, if you read my first post you already know this, it surprises me from time to time.  Mostly because I always think I'm smaller than I am.  Certain mirrors do not hide the truth. 

What makes a person comfortable with fat?  Today's question.

For me the answer is found in the fat itself.  It's soft, it lets me indulge and have what I want.  Fat is not firm and does "not" require constant attention.  Fat is not demanding, in fact fat wants to sit, relax and enjoy life.  Fat's only requirement is that when you get a hunger pain you move in the direction of the fridge.  Muscle wants you to exercise, eat right and keep moving.  Is it any wonder I'm more comfortable with fat?  I'd say not.

That's my physical answer but what I'm discovering is that the mental answer has complete power and is the key that locks the fridge door.  Don't panic...it's also the key that opens the fridge door.  I'm comfortable in my fat because it requires nothing of me.  It lets me stay where I am.  I'm uncomfortable with taking control of my eating because inside we all just want to be out of control in some way.  I always thought it was a control issue as in I cant control myself.  Not true...so not true.  I can, many diets have proven that I can control my weight when I want to, successfully.  Eventually this desire to be out of control wins and I surrender to the have a littles.  You know them, just have a little bite, it's just a little chocolate bar.  Do you know that if you eat 10 of the 100 calorie bars you are not in control and making a good choice?  Do you know that a little bit of everything on the snack table adds up to 3 meals or more depending on what you choose.  Oh those have a littles.  The reason people jump out of planes is to feel out of control, rollar coasters, strap in and feel completely out of control, any thrill seeker wants to feel in control of something that is outside of their control.  So humans seem to want an out of control...controlled feeling.  And I say...welcome to the world of most people who struggle with their weight, in control, out of control, in control, out of control.  Now that's a rollar coaster ride that never ends.  Unless....

....we can find a way to be in control with that wonderful feeling of being out of control at the same time.  What if I had what I wanted but added a key word, moderation.  And that word defined is eleminating the extremes, adding a sense of normal to whatever it is you are working to moderate.  Remarkable...moderation.  Who knew?  I leave you with this most remarkable proverb from my favorite book and I pray you have a blessed and wonderful day.

"Moderation in all things and all things in moderation."