Indifferent

I think I will need to pay attention today as I woke up feeling rather indifferent.  The word is perfectly described as having no particular interest or concern.  Oh dear I thought it's day nine, that can't be good. 
I weighed this morning, several times.  I was the same weight the first two times, I went downstairs to get my laptop, checked the doors after my husband left and shut some lights out.  Came upstairs, set down my laptop weighed again, down a pound.  Boy exercise really does make a difference. 

So which reading on the scale is right or does it matter?  That is today's question.

I think I need to ask you what you think on this one.  Should I weigh everyday or should I weigh every couple of days, or should I weigh once a week?  What do you think.  I'm thinking the scale is causing multiple personality disorder in me.  I'm happy when it's down,  no wait, I'm nervous when it's down cause tomorrow it may be up.  I'm excited to weigh in, no I'm dreading it.  I'm scared to look, no I'm scared not to look.  I'm mad when it says my weight is the same, no I'm happy I didn't gain.  I want to throw the thing in the garbage but I don't want to dig it out later.  Yikes!  I need help.

It would be impossible for me to know when I'm done if I don't weigh in.  Can't measure fifty one pounds without a scale.  Also don't want to think I'm doing great only to find out later, as my past has proven, that I've gained.  In this area of my life ignorance is "not" bliss. 

So to scale or not to scale, that is the question.  And then a deeper question comes; "How do you measure success?"  I am succeeding on so many levels because there has been a huge shift in my mind, no I did not say my behind.  I feel different.  I'm looking at food different.  I see it as fuel for my body, the healthier the better.  I want to make good choices now, the main reason I wanted to lose weight in the past was so I'd look hot.  I said it, vanity was my name.  It was all about looking how I thouht I should so people thought I looked good.  Funny thing is that when people started to comment on how good I looked ,when I've lost weight in the past, I'd start eating.  Self sabatoge brought on by wrong motivation.  I was telling myself that I wasn't good enough like I was.  At fifty one, I'm good enough.  Don't care what people think about how I look because I like myself.  But, I have really started to care about what my quality of life will be as I age.  Extra weight means extra health concerns and I want to enjoy my latter years with my grandchildren. 

I will measure my successes by the joy I bring to others, and not by the number on a scale.  I will see results and know that the purpose is greater than the number.  I no longer feel indifferent, it matters.  To my health and yours.

Have a wonderful and blessed day.