Triggers

Yesterday was  a busy day, but it was a good day.  I'm surprised by the things that sneak up on you in a day and even more surprised that I recognized what was happening.  The busyness of the day was starting to get to me and when I came home from dropping my son and his wife off at the airport I found myself in the kitchen.  Surprising,? Not really.  I was at the fridge door, I'd already scoped out the pantry and I was looking for something, I wasn't hungry, but I was looking.  It was an out of body experience because when I came to my senses all those years of training informed me that I had been triggered.

Today's questions; "What is an emotional trigger?"

These little darlings are the things that set us off, send us down a road we don't always want to travel on.  My trigger was Gordon and Chantel going away.  I realized as I stood at the fridge that I needed to shut the fridge door and slowly step away. I put my hands on the counter to brace myself for the things that were entereing my brain, I had been hoping for something to enter my mouth.  I wanted to eat the second I walked in the door.  I wanted to fill the void they left with food. 

I realize these are grown children, married, have their own home and vacationing is normal.  Triggers don't always make sense.  You see a trigger usually has deeper meaning.  If we are willing to look at it we can track it's source and our brain will usually refire.  My trigger is my children going away and it always has been.  I hated when they went back to school, I didn't like it when they stayed at a freinds for the weekend, I'd cry when they went on school trips, missionary trips, and holidays without me as they got older, the list goes on.  Please know I never held them back, I just missed them horribly.  And at the same time, I was determined to let them grow and find their independence.  When they got married and moved out, sad momma.  And so happy at the same time because they married beautiful people who love them so much.  I told you triggers don't always make sense.

So how did I handle my trigger.  I stared it down, I looked at it and I knew that it was my choice to feed it or not.  I chose not and I "felt it" instead.  It said, "You are remembering that your kids are grown and gone."  And I said, I'll have a carmel sunday loaded with nuts please."  No I didn't, I reminded myself that I was okay.  It was alright to miss my kids and food would not change that fact.  I'd feel full granted, but I'd still be missing my kids, and then I'd have to blog about my failure.  Add to that a good dose of mad at myself and you can see why I chose to feel instead of feed.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that triggers are always bad, they are not.  It was a trigger that enabled me to recognize what was happening.  Apparently I learned something in school because I heard  my counseling professors voice saying, "Ask yourself what's really going on inside."  And that question triggered my brains search for the answer.

It's remarkable to me what we will hear if we listen.  In the past I've been able to drown out those voices with crunchy potato chips.  Apparently I'm ready to listen.

Be blessed with a wonderful day.