The Beginning

Today is September 1, 2009, two days ago I decided to get serious about losing weight. I have been on many diets and lost and gained a few people by now.

Why now? Good question. Last week I decided I wanted to go camping, we have a travel trailer so I use the term camping loosely, I wanted to be outside, I wanted to be close to the water and I wanted to sleep in the trailer with the windows open and smell the fresh air that is only found, outside of the city. My first attempts at booking a site where I wanted to go failed. I still wanted to go camping...so I woke early and felt I should try again. Success. We were booked and drove out Friday afternoon. It was the perfect spot. Privacy, this is very important to me contrary to what this blog may imply, beauty, trees surrounded us and no one could see into our site. Space, our 30' trailer had room to spare with the slide out...out. We readied our site, we basked in the sun, we had a fire, we cooked our dinner over the fire. We were roughing it, okay the AC was on in the trailer but it was 28 degrees, hot in a trailer to say the least. All was well in my world until I remembered something about the trailer I'd forgotten as I looked at my reflection, every trailer seems to have huge and complete mirrored closets. Who thought those up by the way? Someone skinny I'll bet. From a distance I didn't look to bad, from a distance and sideways. I passed that reflection off and got things ready for bed, I was so happy to be sleeping in our comfy trailer. We snuggled in, I opened the window a inch or so, my husband felt we'd freeze to death by morning if it was open more. The cool night air flowed in and off we went to sleep. We woke 9 hours later feeling wonderfully refreshed and then I rolled over.

My side of the bed was closest to those closet mirrors and even without my glasses I could see that a very large woman had taken my place in the bed. I'd seen her a few times over the years but only in passing. I'd managed to ignore her in the past but it didn't work this time, she was all I could see in those closet mirrors. I did notice that at least half of her legs were quite nice...for that I shall be eternally grateful. I'd also noticed that her face had changed and I need you to know, I can hardly see anything without my glasses unless it's big and right in front of me. Sadly, both those conditions were met. So...now what? I was faced with this fat women who looked old, standing up I was happy with my face...laying down...not so much.

I lay in the bed for nearly an hour, contemplating this fat, thinking about the pain in my feet, my back, my neck and my legs. All enhanced by the fact that I was carrying at least 51 pounds more than I should be. I was fifty one years old and I was overweight and out of shape. I had more aches and pain than my 60 year old husband and if that wasn't bad enough, I weighed more than he did. Not that I was able to share that with him until recently, when it comes to the, "How much do you weight? question, I'm a sealed vault. I'd tried every diet, I'd fasted for 40 days on fruit and vegetables, I'd exercised for a year and in both cases lost like 10lbs. What is that?

It is a weight issue for me and it is a mental issue as well...some part of me does not want to let go of the weight and so my body, contrary to what I think I want, hangs on to fat like I'm about to enter into 7 years of a long hard drought. I live in Canada, I tell myself we have food in bountiful supply, just let it go. Nothing seems to work for me and believe it or not, I don't eat a lot. Sadly for me, I also have a body that would be happier if I ate even less...or...I have a very powerful mind. This blog is the beginning for me and anyone who'd like to journey along is most welcome. I have decided, after much prayer and begging, to lose no less than 51 pounds. That is the name of this blog and it is my goal. I have no idea how long it will take but I know that if I don't start now I may carry these 51 pounds for the rest of my life and I'm tired. Tired of being overweight, tired of the strain it puts on my joints, tired of telling my self that I'm okay carrying this load. I'm not and so it begins today because I'm writing it down and making it public every day until I've lost my...fifty one pounds.

Join me if you will...I guarantee it will be a rocky road, and I'm not talking about the ice cream honey. :)